The Blobbit

I'm sure you've all heard of fitbit, apple health app, and countless other health tracker/wearable devices. Well, for those with an active lifestyle, that's great. But what about the rest of us?

May I introduce to you...the BLOBBIT!

Keep up your sedentary lifestyle with this "anti fitbit" tracker that makes sure you're not doing too much!

Just like with fitbit, use the device to track your personal activity goals 

Right? Stop #netflixshaming.

The Blobbit HRM model tracks your heart rate to make sure you keep things nice and slow. 

Yep, hard to accidentally do any cardio with the Blobbit! In fact, it even tracks your standing time.

And if you actually try to work out, Blobbit is appropriately motivating. 

Man, I'm never gonna be able to do a pull up.

The Blobbit is only available online, of course. (This market doesn't go to stores very often.) Get yours today!

I'm Probably the Next Jane Fonda

I decided I should start moving around in an exercisey way, occasionally. After all, it's mid November and time to start thinking about those new year's resolutions.

I found a program on the internet to follow. It said beginner, but I think it lied.

Who thought of that stupid torture exercise, anyway?!?!

This shit is harder than it looks. I'm sore. 

Kitty doesn't need to work out, and she's FINE.

Walking a Cat

In case you missed it, I polled you guys on whether or not my sister's cat was fat. Here are the results. However, some readers brought up the idea of walking the cat. I imagine that would go something like this:

Guess this means I need to go find a kitty harness.

Pizza Lunges

Time for another Mayor Gia style work out! Previously we mastered the wine lift and the kitten jog. Now, it’s time to work those thigh muscles with:

I use Boyfriend.

Step 1. Have Boyfriend take a slice of pizza and stand five or six feet away from you.

Yep.

Step 2. Lunge to the pizza.

Step 3. Take a bite.

Step 4. Have Boyfriend move 5-6 ft back.

Step 5. Lunge again with your other leg.

Step 6. Take another bite.

Step 7. Repeat until satisfied with pizza or legs give out.

You’re welcome.

The Kitten Jog

Time for another Mayor Gia exercise! This one involves getting off the futon.

Yes.

Get ready for this:

Step 1: Have Boyfriend come over with a bicycle.

OMG you guys, I worked so hard on that bike drawing

Step 2: Attach wagon to bicycle.

Step 3. Find kitten. 

(like one of the feral ones at your work)

Step 4: Put kitten in wagon.

Step 5: Have Boyfriend ride bicycle.

Step 6: Try to catch kitten.

Ta-DA! Enjoy.

[*kitten can be replaced by bunny puppy or duckling, as needed]

Exercise Ideas, Mayor-Gia Style

I noticed a lot of people are blogging about dieting/exercising lately and I thought, hey, I wanna get in on that.

I already created the Mayor Gia Diet , remember?

In practice:

Now, time for a Mayor Gia exercise!

You can use a regular size bottle of wine, or if you’re really feeling ambitious, a Mayor Gia sized bottle.

Anyway, start by sitting.

Then pic up the bottle of wine.

But don’t pour any.

Lift it up

And down

Repeat 20 times per arm.

The burn means it’s working!

Once you’re finished, reward yourself with a glass of wine.

And watch those arms get super buff! You’re welcome, everyone.