Tuesday, May 26, 2015

I'm Such a Grown Up (And Kitty's a Menace)

I recently bought a new thing.

It's a couch! (Ok, a loveseat.)

Kitty noticed it too.


So now I've stocked up on double sided tape, anti scratching spray (waste of money), a tin can with pennies, and an iron will. 

Anyone ever successfully stop a cat from ruining their adulthood brand new furniture?

Monday, May 18, 2015

Don't Stop Thinking About Kitty

Probably listen to this as you read for the full effect.

If you wake up and don't want to smile
If you hit snooze just a little while
Open your eyes and get out of bed
Or your damn cat will stand on your head.

Don't stop meowing at Gia
Don't stop til she gets her ass up
Breakfast will be sooner than before
Hunger is gone, hunger is gone!

Why not chase around the toys and run
And use the laser pointer for some fun
If that red dot won't come to you
Just think what your claws can do!

Don't stop looking out the window
Don't stop the birds will soon be here
Hopefully they'll get closer than before
My freedom is gone, my freedom is gone!

All I want is to murder a bird
If I can't then I will be heard
I know you don't believe that it's true,
I definitely mean some harm to you.

Don't stop meowing on the futon
Don't stop meowing in bed
It'll be louder than before
Peace and quiet is gone, peace and quiet is gone!

Monday, May 11, 2015

Alarm Cat 3000

Introducing the state-of-the-art new and improved ALARM CAT 3000

Having trouble getting up in the morning? Just buy yourself an Alarm Cat! It comes in two settings: the first crack of dawn or the first bird chirping!

Unlike normal alarm clocks that run out of batteries or won't work during a power outage, nothing stops Alarm Cat from doing its job!

And there's more! Alarm Cat 3000 comes with a snooze setting! Just drag your ass out of bed, feed it its morning meal, and go back to sleep for up to 20 minutes*

*or as long as it takes alarm cat to eat the food, clean itself, and demand more attention.

Alarm Cat 3000, order yours today!

Monday, May 4, 2015

Just a Little Summer Cold

(And the truth is, my traitor cat was curled up on Boyfriend last night. What an asshole.)

I'm reacting appropriately, I believe.

Sigh. It's tragic. I'll be fine, though. Probably. 

 Summer colds are the worst, yes? Yes.