Match Point

Why yes, I have been watching the US open. Why do you ask?

Throwback: Reality Cat

Hiya - I had kind of a crazy weekend, so I didn't get a chance to make a new post. 

Here's one from a few years ago that's worth a second read. Enjoy!

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Remember how we re-imaged wife swap with cats a few weeks ago? Here are some more brilliant ideas:

CATVIVOR:

I haven't watched this show in years, but I imagine it would be more interesting with cats

AMERICAN IDOL: KITTY EDITION

Yes, kitty "sings" for cheese. She's no Kelly Clarkson, but haven't they run out of talent by now? 

KEEPING UP WITH THE CATDASHIANS (thanks to pickleope for the idea!)

I know, I shoulda made it "Katdashians"

Pretty much cats being catty about cat things. Imposssible to tell the differece between this and the original.

THE AMAZING RACE...WITH CATS!

I'll be honest. I have literally never seen an episode of this show. I'm not even convinced it's a real show, even though it keeps winning the emmy for reality programming, right? I have no idea what channel/what season/what time its on. Do they even show it in america? I've barely seen a preview for it. 

Anyway, my point is, I'm sure there's some running in it. Kitty would excel at that show, especially if I could use a laser pointer. 

And finally...

LITTLE KITTENS BIG GIRL

Boyfriend came up with this one. He's an asshole, but it made me laugh, so there you have it. It would be me with kitties all day every day. #Dreamjob

Leave suggestions for other catified reality tv shows in the comments! I'm already planning my "cat moms" post...

Mosquit-NO

As most of you know, I get destroyed by mosquitos in the summer.

(This background is important for the next part of the story.)

I was sitting in a work meeting, having a conversation about an outdoor event that will take place at dusk in June. My coworker dropped this comment:

In that moment, my world changed. 

Did you all know about this too?? HOW COME NOBODY TOLD ME??!?

Anyway, I told Boyfriend too, so this happened the next time I went over his house:

The more bracelets, the better. In fact, I'm going to load up and report back this summer. I'm feeling pretty invincible.  

Big Cat, Big Dreams

You all know Boyfriend has two kitties and one is, uh, large. Possibly part ocelot. So this conversation ensued: 

And of course, we both starting imaging Archer in that famous Miley Cyrus video. Enjoy: 

But it also led me to answer the question "what's your dream job" and "what would you do if you had a million dollars? And the answer is: reshoot famous music videos with cats. Cats instead of Britney Spears in Oops I Did It Again. Cats instead of Christina, Lil kim, Pink, and Mya in Lady Marmalade. Cats instead of the Backstreet Boys in I Want It That Way. 

Guys, this idea is a winner. I feel it in my bones. I also imagine there's a good chance someone already came up with this, so I'm refusing to google it to keep the dream alive. 

Really, I only see one downside here:

Signs

On Saturday, I went grocery shopping and noticed a new parking spot sign. 

Then I noticed another sign on the spot right next to that one:

 

Well, ok.  First, let me say that I'm totally fine with courtesy spaces for people who don't have a handicapped plate but may otherwise have a condition/situation that would be helped by parking closer. Sure. 

But - aren't these really specific signs? I mean, what happens if the pregnant lady parks in the toddler spot? Exactly how old does a kid have to be before they age out of the toddler spot? What if you have a little kid that can't toddle yet?

And, what about other things that should justify getting a close parking spot?

I propose the addition of the following parking spot signs:

FACT: thousands of millenials die each year by texting and walking into traffic. Let millenials park closer and save lives. 

You know what happens when you hold your pee too long? Bladder infections. FACT: bladder infections lead to DEATH. Let people who have to pee park closer and save lives. 

FACT: Cats are awesome and I deserve to park closer because of it. 

*Grits teeth* I will not make two trips from the car to my apartment. 

People who want to carry their groceries are heroes and therefore should be rewarded for their valor. 

People who go to parties are cool. Cool people get better spots. That's how the cookie crumbles. 

People who try new recipes are courageous and we should accommodate their need to pick up just one more thing. 

[Trigger warning] These people are the victims of weather. Would you really further victimize these weather victims by making them park far away? 

And finally:

These superpeople/gods/aliens/machines/hulks/bat hybrids/cat hybrids have SAVED HUMANITY. At the very least,  should they not be allowed to park 10-12 feet closer than us mere mortals? 


What parking spot sign would you add?

Trumpah troompah, doopity doo

I apologize in advance for this:

Oh yes, it's my Donald J Trump impression.

(To clarify: not good deals for his own companies. good deals for...someone, though. I guess. Kind of.)

Not me, of course. I love everyone who loves cats. 

WHY IS EVERYONE NOT ANGRIER ABOUT HIM CALLING ELIZABETH WARREN POCAHANTAS!??! THAT IS RACIST AND NOT OK. 

Psst...trump has tiny hands. tell everyone.

I believe it's ironic that a man who looks like an oompa loomp fucked voldemort has repeatedly and viciously attacked women on their appearances. Or is that coincidental? I always get those two mixed up.

#Election2016

Games of Thrones Time!

Ok, so this post really only makes sense if you watched the Game of Thrones premiere last week. (But really, who DIDN'T watch the Game of Thrones premiere?!?) 

yes, we had to switch blankets so as not to clash with my costume.

#bringjonsnowback, amirite?!

The Blobbit

I'm sure you've all heard of fitbit, apple health app, and countless other health tracker/wearable devices. Well, for those with an active lifestyle, that's great. But what about the rest of us?

May I introduce to you...the BLOBBIT!

Keep up your sedentary lifestyle with this "anti fitbit" tracker that makes sure you're not doing too much!

Just like with fitbit, use the device to track your personal activity goals 

Right? Stop #netflixshaming.

The Blobbit HRM model tracks your heart rate to make sure you keep things nice and slow. 

Yep, hard to accidentally do any cardio with the Blobbit! In fact, it even tracks your standing time.

And if you actually try to work out, Blobbit is appropriately motivating. 

Man, I'm never gonna be able to do a pull up.

The Blobbit is only available online, of course. (This market doesn't go to stores very often.) Get yours today!