My profile picture is a drawing of Allie, my Sexy Alligator. She really exists, see:
Yes, that is nail polish on her toes (claws)? And lipstick. She has glitter on her too, but that’s harder to see.
So, how did I happen to come to own such a majestic creature, you ask? Well, she started out as an inside joke between me and Boyfriend. I met Boyfriend through our work, and it was an arduous, seven-month courtship before I finally convinced him to date me. In the meantime, we gradually escalated our interactions from work email to inappropriate work email to gchatting.
Around the same time, we had a super annoying auditor in our office. This conversation took place one day, before Boyfriend was boyfriend, and was just inappropriate coworker.
Sometimes I wish you were a real bear who'd maul people
I'd sic you on auditor
Boyfriend: I'll kill her, but you have to dump her. You know all the spots in around here
me: If we lived in Florida we could feed her to gators, like on nip tuck
Boyfriend: Let's get one!
I have a creek
Boyfriend: yes a small one
So, I got Allie. I bought her from a store in the mall (I know, I know. Those places are just gator mills. I should have went to a breeder, but I was pressed for time). I wanted to name her Sasha Fierce or Fluffy, and Boyfriend wanted to name her Wendell. We settled on Allie.
He and I switched off caring for her (though she mainly stays at my place now, where he can visit). She acts quite differently around us, though. (She has a little crush on him. Dealing with our relationship has been hard for her, but she's coping.) Around him, she pretends to like golf:
|Insert your own balls-in-mouth joke here|
And spends time in his creek:
But at least she makes friends:
Boyfriend didn’t understand that she is a classy gator, though. At first he was a little confused about how to get her home:
|She was NOT pleased.|
But he learned.
I think Allie is much more comfortable with me. She’s really quite the girly girl, who likes clubbing:
|Allie tried to sneak into my bag so I'd bring her out (and it matched her nail polish). Unfortunately most places have a very strict anti gator policy. Stupid closed minded bastards. Integration is the new frontier!!|
And reading cosmo:
We have the same awesome taste in music:
|But even Allie hates that cover art.|
Shes a young gator, though, and still a bit immature:
|She's just curious, is all.|
And maybe not completely trained:
|Ducky is not food!|
But gosh, she’s cute. And when it comes to important things, she takes after me.