My profile picture is a drawing of Allie, my Sexy Alligator. She really exists, see:
Yes, that is nail polish on her toes (claws)? And lipstick. She has glitter on her too, but that’s harder to see.
So, how did I happen to come to own such a majestic creature, you ask? Well, she started out as an inside joke between me and Boyfriend. I met Boyfriend through our work, and it was an arduous, seven-month courtship before I finally convinced him to date me. In the meantime, we gradually escalated our interactions from work email to inappropriate work email to gchatting.
Around the same time, we had a super annoying auditor in our office. This conversation took place one day, before Boyfriend was boyfriend, and was just inappropriate coworker.
me: Gah!
Sometimes I wish you were a real bear who'd maul people
I'd sic you on auditor
Boyfriend: I'll kill her, but you have to dump her. You know all the spots in around here
me: If we lived in Florida we could feed her to gators, like on nip tuck
Boyfriend: Let's get one!
I have a creek
me: Reallllly?
Boyfriend: yes a small one
me: WOOOHOO!
So, I got Allie. I bought her from a store in the mall (I know, I know. Those places are just gator mills. I should have went to a breeder, but I was pressed for time). I wanted to name her Sasha Fierce or Fluffy, and Boyfriend wanted to name her Wendell. We settled on Allie.
He and I switched off caring for her (though she mainly stays at my place now, where he can visit). She acts quite differently around us, though. (She has a little crush on him. Dealing with our relationship has been hard for her, but she's coping.) Around him, she pretends to like golf:
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxX1XDH_1WV1RXOHf0j9mIXxQztZjeUpHUWx71vlJx0HOVy6DbytJprGt_0cR77-MMZrmHvANSELfc6tMdv2KnNU2PV4l5c88Q7ICoNmta1HIp2WzG6xivKmDdTHOe9WoKhlDpPZyYPDrD/s320/allie+golf+ball.jpg) |
Insert your own balls-in-mouth joke here |
And spends time in his creek:
But at least she makes friends:
Boyfriend didn’t understand that she is a classy gator, though. At first he was a little confused about how to get her home:
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0XIpumqAeHbwLEuQpoYdvi5MTWjf7DFpsg6qyZ-Rw_t2qIu3lCee6KFK9PSEB6tiJmcO_uF0Y1l_AviFq8u7w8vfs1B6veMn4gVuYxo8zRv6Uk54bDHUcUAqz1Vb29OxNp0H7bvQDLpD6/s320/allie+drain.jpg) |
She was NOT pleased. |
But he learned.
I think Allie is much more comfortable with me. She’s really quite the girly girl, who likes clubbing:
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOySV-sEVdkng48X2vNzpywNZVtr1R_CV6jWNCDXXmNnlIaRJsKJXipaR7V7nxntUfmC4zO9X-TwJFy4yCkGPFUL7M6RowUPQ-XDLHgifBbSo1bbBtzNLxiRU23gDwILkoy02-CZdDaLM-/s320/allie+purse.jpg) |
Allie tried to sneak into my bag so I'd bring her out (and it matched her nail polish). Unfortunately most places have a very strict anti gator policy. Stupid closed minded bastards. Integration is the new frontier!! |
And reading cosmo:
We have the same awesome taste in music:
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQff9gGHRAq2jAdYKfYm9CzZaPDYas5pxxVaFIZ9-AuxiX5jcszaHfEaGKKo5z3pp38scIv-s9MqCZleT2jCAwAruRPoE6iKSh1gTktUWiU0Xfcgeb8jL1P7smbyjKq9B3EZ9_FzbqWqiI/s320/allie+lady+gaga.jpg) |
But even Allie hates that cover art. |
Shes a young gator, though, and still a bit immature:
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjP-2-9-NirQR3Z6VIhpWFzNdi02fIHPv_Jz264jYRRH0ENW22hjg5PnDwzfRLj0ayAw7pPiuWe2d5eLO7IqnRgpc8-J87ypK40lKrp5e4WdPLHZ6gXlJ_xriO44wJEdgbGFVQc86pi2K_O/s320/allie+laptop.jpg) |
She's just curious, is all. |
And maybe not completely trained:
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-WVU41Gm38vRDAZRQFSwMvW-rpEvFMclikTy_JdoEf85ScAgy8zzZFGxmUXvoemgim5EKqsxKX9gDIgPX7htW_oSXj2M2gmTB8vSnpJ1GL3Kb-umewgQBl2wnN5vyojMUaMdSjTZ_GBPO/s320/allie+ducky.jpg) |
Ducky is not food! |
But gosh, she’s cute. And when it comes to important things, she takes after me.