Guess what?! I invented a diet last weekend when I was with Boyfriend in Seaside Town. Interested? It’s easy, there’s only one rule.
Mayor Gia Diet
Rule 1: You can only eat foods if their second letter is a vowel.
I created it as Boyfriend and I were driving home from a particularly tasty dinner. It happened like this:
Me: Diets are dumb
Me: They’re totally arbitrary. Like weight watchers or atkins or south beach? They all work and they all don’t work – it’s just a matter of following them.
Boyfriend: That’s true.
Me: Hey, I’m going to invent a diet. You can only eat foods….whose second letters are a VOWEL!
Me: I can’t eat apples, but I can eat bananas.
Boyfriend: Thank God, you love bananas.
Me: I can’t eat chocolate. Or ice cream. But I can have cake!
Me: I love cake. Oh no, I can’t have eggs! Boooo. I can have pasta, though.
Boyfriend: How healthy is this?
Me: I can have salad….not broccoli or spinach though.
Boyfriend: You can’t eat vegetables! That’s not healthy!
Me: I can have carrots and potatoes though!
Boyfriend: Potatoes? C’mon.
Me: Oooo and burritos!
Me: I can have coffee. And wine. And gin. THANK GOODNESS.
Boyfriend: Ha! Yeah, what would you do then?
Me: Let’s not even THINK about that, honey.
Me: OH NO.
Me: I CAN’T HAVE CHEESE.
Boyfriend: Ha! What are you gonna do?!
Me: Welll…I guess technically I can have mozzarella. But not cheddar. Sniffle.
Boyfriend: Wait, wait a second.
Boyfriend: You have to go by category or food, not both. If you say you can’t have cheese, you can’t eat mozzarella.
Me: Welllll…. Okay. I guess. *sulks *
|Does anyone else think this is similar to how Boyfriend criticized my "one glass" of wine?|
Me: Wait, what about cake? It’s made up of eggs.
Boyfriend: Hmmm…I hadn’t thought about things made up of different ingredients…
Me: DON’T TAKE CAKE AWAY FROM ME!!
So, there. The rule is, you can only eat foods if their second letter is a vowel. I’m a bit fuzzy on the details beyond that. But yeah, you should totally try it out because I’m absolutely convinced it’s going to work. I’m going to reevaluate my own eating:
Are you guys going to try it? Let me know how quickly the pounds fall off!