Total eclipse of the...sun

The news has been total garbage lately. (SERIOUSLY, a pardon for Joe Arpaio? Trans military ban? White national dog whistling? Gross.)

So, let's talk about the one good that happened over the past week. 

THE ECLIPSE!!!!!

I wasn't in the path of totality, and I didn't really know what to expect as it began Monday afternoon. So we went outside with our special glasses (that were a pain to find) to take a look. 

It turns out, eclipses are extremely cool. I mean, it looked like this: 

That never happens! I ran inside to tell my coworkers. 

Then I checked on the eclipse every five minutes for the next two hours. 

All my coworkers came out at the max eclipse time and we all "oohed" at the sun together. 

It was actually a nice, community thing that involved something neat (science!) and not, you know, protesting together against civil rights being taken away. Very cool. When's the next one?

I have post eclipse sadness disorder.

SMASH THE FASCH

#SmashTheFasch

Game of dragons

This, you guys. 

I apologize to any non-Game-of-Thrones-watching readers. (But seriously, get on that. You're missing out.)

Yawn

YAWN. This is the fifth weekend in a row I've been out of town for something (vacation, multiple weddings, bachelorette party, etc.) 

I'm now going to sleep for 36 hours. You'll get a much better post next week. 

I'm Baaaack!

It was nice to go to the beach for a week, but I'm happy to be home. There were things I missed. 

Yeah, it's pretty traumatic for me for everyone when I leave kitty. 

She's not a bitch; she's assertive. 

Yeah, Kitty had a few issues with the way she was treated this week. 

She's very particular about what food goes in what bowl

She's also very particular about belly petting

She's very particular about her window seat. Perhaps you're sensing a pattern here. 

I've humbly apologized to Kitty. I think she's on her way to forgiving me. 

VACATION! And a throwback.

Since I'm on vacation, here's an appropriate beachy throwback to keep you guys entertained.

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As I mentioned on Friday, my mom and I went to the beach this weekend. Here’s some random observations, brought to you through texts between me and Boyfriend.

Observation 1: I am not above stealing from a child.

Me: A girl has a pink inflatable dolphin. I want to steal it.

Boyfriend: I’m sure you can overpower her.

Me: Survival of the fittest. Sucks to be a five year old.

Don’t worry, I didn’t steal it. I was gonna punch her in the face and run away with it, but her stupid parents were totally hovering. I mean, who doesn’t let their five year old run around unattended next to a giant body of water?

Observation 2: My nose is entirely too big for my face.

It was a long day in the sun, okay? Some sunburn could not be entirely unexpected.

Me: My FACE!!!

Boyfriend: Killing me?

Me: No. You love it. Especially when its tomatoey.

“The blotchier the better.”

Seriously, I don’t know what happened. I wore sunscreen and I didn’t get burned anywhere but my face. Mainly, my nose.

Boyfriend: Jackass.

Me: MEEEE?!?!?!

I can’t help it my nose sticks out like dumbo

Wait

No

Well he’s an elephant so he had a big nose so that kind of works.

Boyfriend: I’m not talking to you tomato head.

Me: Who is a jackass?

Boyfriend: You.

Me: Awwwww.

I wore sunscreen I swear!

Observation 3: My vision still isn’t great.

Boyfriend: So many bats out tonight.

Me: Like me and my mom.

Yeah, I can't see for shit. 

Observation 4: Honeybadgers don’t care.

Me: Now we’re gonna bring wine to the pool even though the rules say not to cuz we’re bad asses

Boyfriend: Wear your leather jackets and sunglasses.

Yeah, it was pretty much like this.

Observation 5: It’s a palm tree.

Me:  Look. It’s a radioactive palm tree. Damn nuclear meltdown.

Boyfriend: Good thing you have those sunglasses.

And that was my weekend.

Bonus Observation: Damn, I look good in leather. 

Itchy

I sat down at my computer to blog about mosquito bites and drew this:

I've maybe used that line before...

And then I remembered I already wrote about mosquito bites a few years ago, so I decided to include that post too. Here you go!

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As we’ve discussed, I walk (and now fish) on the duck rape trail. It’s on the water, so there are lots of mosquitos.  And it’s summer, so I’m also suffering from sunrash.

For some reason, they really like me.

  

Like, seriously like me.

  

It’s bad. Boyfriend and I will take a walk and come back looking like this:

  

So I bought some heavy duty bug spray and used that before our walk.

  

And yet we come back like this:

  

These are some tough mosquitos.

  

The worst part is the morning after a walk, when I’m lying in bed relaxing. And all of a sudden I feel it. IT, you guys. The itch.  I can’t help it. I’m a scratcher. Remember Boyfriend and the eye poking? I have nails and I NEED to use them. I spend all day contorted into weird positions so I can get some good scratching it. Plus, the scratching makes the bites bigger and redder, until it looks like I have welts all over my legs. And like I said, it’s sunrash season. I end up looking like this:

Sadness.

Sigh, I suffer. Do you guys get all bit up? And if not, WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?!?!