Monday, June 11, 2012

Ducky and the Duck Trail

[Linking up with yeahwrite!]

Me: Hi Ducky! How’s DARD coming along?
Ducky: Hey Gia! Great! We’re cutting way down on the duckrape. Awareness is key.
Me: Awesome.  I have some fun duck related news for you. You know how I recently moved?
Ducky: Yep.
Me: Well, near my apartment there is a little stream with a walking path near it. And it’s FULL of ducks. Look, I took some pictures:

This is what happens when you "zoom" on a blackberry.

SO MANY DUCKS!!
Ducky: Your pictures kind of suck, Gia.
Me: Shut up. I know.  I have a blackberry. Also I was really exciting and I’m surprised they’re not even shakier.
Ducky: You really like ducks, huh.
Me: I really do.
Ducky: …bit weird.
Me: Shut up. Look, here’s another picture:
One was the watch duck for all the other sleeping ducks.
Adorable, right?!
Ducky: Well….I know about this place.
Me: Wait, what? Why do you say it like that?
Ducky: We ducks have a name for it.
Me: Ooookay…what’s it called?
Ducky: The Rape Trail.
Me: Wait, what?!?
Ducky: A real hot spot for duck rape, unfortunately. Especially under the overpass. NEVER go under the overpass.
Me:  * gulp* This is my new walking path!
Ducky: Oh you should be fine. Ducks are mostly the only things that get raped out there.
Me: MOSTLY?!?!
Ducky: Well look who’s concerned about rape now…
Me: What?! I’ve always been opposed to duck rape!
Ducky: I can give you a rape whistle.
Me: This is scary! Maybe Boyfriend would let me borrow one of his many guns?

Me: Sigh, at least I don’t have to worry about zombie sluts anymore.

Me: STOP GRINNING, BOYFRIEND!
Boyfriend seriously texted me this over the weekend. He didn't even know I was working on this post. 
Ducky: Do I need to worry about duck zombies raping ducks?
Me: Probably. But I’m not making another button for it.
Ducky: Just a picture, then?!
Me: Fiiiiine.


59 comments:

  1. one word: BRILLIANT! Love Elle xo

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  2. He texted you that without knowing you were working on this post? You two have some weird duck rape psychic connection.
    What about those weird ducks that have the strange tuft of hair (like a feathery afro) on top of their head, still cool? Or the weird diseased-looking brown ones? I like ducks too, but only cute ones. I'm very duck discriminatory. Would ducky condemn me as a duck bigot?

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  3. 80% is a bit sad, poor ducks

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  4. Lol, duck zombie is awesome - she/he looks so hardcore that my mind automatically painted in a cigarette hanging out of its mouth.

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  5. Wow, look at those sweet, rapeable ducks just roosting there in that stream... I mean, NO. You're a changed man now, Bryan. Stop it.

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  6. Zombie ducks...oh gees! First they rape you then they eat you!

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  7. I have no words for this sad state of affairs.

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  8. That trail must sound like a thousand traffic wardens with all the duck rape whistles going off.

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  9. Aww...poor ducks! The animal kingdom can be so brutal. I've been witness to several duck rapings. It's very difficult to explain to your kids

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  10. Do they eat duck brains after raping them? That's really scary!

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  11. You are not right girl, but I needed this giggle today

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  12. there are so many duck rap zones around my neighbourhood. Its sad really.

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  13. Haha, amazing. Poor rapey ducks. There are so so many ducks hanging around nottingham right now, I think they're planning something..

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  14. Oh those poor defenseless duckies! We humans need to unite and cry "FOWL"....enough violence...join me and jump in with both feet...join me in C.R.A.P. Cease Rapes Among Poultry (yes,,ducks, pidgeons, chickens, geese and all poultry)

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  15. WHAT?!!! Duck rape? Is this true? It can't be, I won't hear of it....LALALALALALA...

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  16. I'm not sure how I feel about this post. Part of me was laughing hysterically while the other part was confused. Though I'm usually confused most of the time anyway ... so that means it was completely hysterical. That's how math works.

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  17. Hmm, not a very sharing guy when it comes to his guns is he.

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  18. I didn't know this was a problem. So much serious crime goes unreported.

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  19. First- really glad I'm not a duck. Second- shame on boyfriend. Zombie sluts are no joking matter.

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  20. I love birds of all kinds. My kids just sigh when they see me whip out my camera to take pictures.


    Would love to know your train of thought and how you got to this topic. Did you see a poor duck being taken advantage of?

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  21. "Worse than regular duck rape." A sentence I never thought I'd read in my lifetime. Thanks for the chuckle!

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  22. Wow, those duck drawings were some of your best yet, Gia :)

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  23. Now I need to worry about zombie sluts? I give up.

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  24. Ducks AND the zombie apocalypse in one post. Feels like Christmas!

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  25. I am seriously crying with laughter. Plus, my four year-old just came in while I was reading and said, "Hey, cool (yes, she says cool), I never seen a green duck before." Well done, well done. :)

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  26. Those damned dirty zombie raping ducks!!

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  27. Ducky: Your pictures kind of suck, Gia.
    Me: Shut up. I know. I have a blackberry.

    Love.

    Also, I'd pay good money to watch a duck blow a rape whistle.
    What.

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  28. I just found your blog! Holy crap, you are funny! I can't believe your boyfriend sent you that text. I have to go google that now.

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  29. I wonder what would happen if they took Duck Bath Salts before the duck rapes?
    PS: Telling you again: you are so funny.

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  30. I have a Blackberry too. My condolences on sucky pictures.

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  31. So, THAT'S what goes on in those trails.
    What a hilarious post!!

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  32. I never thought about animal zombies.

    Crap. We are doomed.

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  33. Animal zombies would be our undoing as a society. We have so many damn domesticated animals we'd be screwed...heh... kinda like the ducks.

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  34. Why have I never thought about zombie ducks? Awesome.

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  35. My dad told me he used to see female ducks get drowned by a gang bang all the time. (that comment is out of context, it made sense at the time he told me, he didn't just try and come up with horrific things to share with me all the time.)

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  36. Girl! Something is seriously wrong with you. In the best way! I don't know if I'm supposed to laugh or call my therapist? I'm so confused now...

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  37. The ducks over here are already off a bit. I think it is the heat...

    Zombie ducks? Wow!

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  38. That is hilarious. I am kind of afraid of the duck zombies, who knows what they can do. Also, I had a few mental Freudian slips while reading - duck and fuck is just too close together...

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  39. Duck Zombies scare me...having said that I read recently that penguins were one of the most sexually depraved creatures...so maybe they need their own group as well

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  40. My questions is: Are the ducks and/or zombies on bath salts? That's when you really have to have your zombie gun at the ready.

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  41. I didn't know this was such a serious issue. Ok, I didn't know it was an issue. Thank you for educating me.

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  42. Who would of thought? I just like to eat ducks..

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  43. The DARD posts get better every time. I am so proud of you showing such support for a cause close to your heart.

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  44. OK, it takes a lot for me to be speechless but duck rape? I got nothing. :)

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  45. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Male ducks are perverted creatures...boyfriend RULES!

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  46. Do they castrate duck rapists. Damn zombie ducks probably wouldn't care, but then again they might because all sorts of their body parts just rot and fall off.

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  47. The law of attraction is at work here. If the ducks weren't so bitter and negative...

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  48. Hahaha very funny lol :D love your blog, happy summer! :)

    xoxo
    Susanna
    http://susanna-behindmyeyes.blogspot.com

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  49. Ducks and zombies! I'm calling Pulitzer Prize on this one! Love it.

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  50. I have a rape whistle. I where it whenever I go out. Okay, it's really a necklace with an old school whistle on it (not the gym teacher kind) but it works dammit!

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  51. Hilarious. Ducks. Sluts. Bridges. Blackberries. You are one creative blogger. Thanks for the laugh.

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  52. look out for all the duck poop, though!

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  53. I can't type because I'm still laughing... :)

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  54. I always love to read your posts. And I love your drawings. You could do a book with just the drawing and comments.

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  55. this is a public service announcement to top all public service announcements. ducks of the world thank you. zombies, not so much.

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  56. The most ridiculous post I've read all week!!

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