Monday, June 11, 2012

Ducky and the Duck Trail

[Linking up with yeahwrite!]

Me: Hi Ducky! How’s DARD coming along?
Ducky: Hey Gia! Great! We’re cutting way down on the duckrape. Awareness is key.
Me: Awesome.  I have some fun duck related news for you. You know how I recently moved?
Ducky: Yep.
Me: Well, near my apartment there is a little stream with a walking path near it. And it’s FULL of ducks. Look, I took some pictures:

This is what happens when you "zoom" on a blackberry.

SO MANY DUCKS!!
Ducky: Your pictures kind of suck, Gia.
Me: Shut up. I know.  I have a blackberry. Also I was really exciting and I’m surprised they’re not even shakier.
Ducky: You really like ducks, huh.
Me: I really do.
Ducky: …bit weird.
Me: Shut up. Look, here’s another picture:
One was the watch duck for all the other sleeping ducks.
Adorable, right?!
Ducky: Well….I know about this place.
Me: Wait, what? Why do you say it like that?
Ducky: We ducks have a name for it.
Me: Ooookay…what’s it called?
Ducky: The Rape Trail.
Me: Wait, what?!?
Ducky: A real hot spot for duck rape, unfortunately. Especially under the overpass. NEVER go under the overpass.
Me:  * gulp* This is my new walking path!
Ducky: Oh you should be fine. Ducks are mostly the only things that get raped out there.
Me: MOSTLY?!?!
Ducky: Well look who’s concerned about rape now…
Me: What?! I’ve always been opposed to duck rape!
Ducky: I can give you a rape whistle.
Me: This is scary! Maybe Boyfriend would let me borrow one of his many guns?

Me: Sigh, at least I don’t have to worry about zombie sluts anymore.

Me: STOP GRINNING, BOYFRIEND!
Boyfriend seriously texted me this over the weekend. He didn't even know I was working on this post. 
Ducky: Do I need to worry about duck zombies raping ducks?
Me: Probably. But I’m not making another button for it.
Ducky: Just a picture, then?!
Me: Fiiiiine.


Posted by at
Labels: , , , , , ,

59 comments:

  1. one word: BRILLIANT! Love Elle xo

    ReplyDelete

  2. He texted you that without knowing you were working on this post? You two have some weird duck rape psychic connection.
    What about those weird ducks that have the strange tuft of hair (like a feathery afro) on top of their head, still cool? Or the weird diseased-looking brown ones? I like ducks too, but only cute ones. I'm very duck discriminatory. Would ducky condemn me as a duck bigot?

    ReplyDelete

  3. 80% is a bit sad, poor ducks

    ReplyDelete

  4. Lol, duck zombie is awesome - she/he looks so hardcore that my mind automatically painted in a cigarette hanging out of its mouth.

    ReplyDelete

  5. Wow, look at those sweet, rapeable ducks just roosting there in that stream... I mean, NO. You're a changed man now, Bryan. Stop it.

    ReplyDelete

  7. Zombie ducks...oh gees! First they rape you then they eat you!

    ReplyDelete

  8. I have no words for this sad state of affairs.

    ReplyDelete

  9. That trail must sound like a thousand traffic wardens with all the duck rape whistles going off.

    ReplyDelete

  10. Aww...poor ducks! The animal kingdom can be so brutal. I've been witness to several duck rapings. It's very difficult to explain to your kids

    ReplyDelete

  11. Do they eat duck brains after raping them? That's really scary!

    ReplyDelete

  12. You are not right girl, but I needed this giggle today

    ReplyDelete

  13. there are so many duck rap zones around my neighbourhood. Its sad really.

    ReplyDelete

  14. Haha, amazing. Poor rapey ducks. There are so so many ducks hanging around nottingham right now, I think they're planning something..

    ReplyDelete

  15. Oh those poor defenseless duckies! We humans need to unite and cry "FOWL"....enough violence...join me and jump in with both feet...join me in C.R.A.P. Cease Rapes Among Poultry (yes,,ducks, pidgeons, chickens, geese and all poultry)

    ReplyDelete

  16. WHAT?!!! Duck rape? Is this true? It can't be, I won't hear of it....LALALALALALA...

    ReplyDelete

  17. I'm not sure how I feel about this post. Part of me was laughing hysterically while the other part was confused. Though I'm usually confused most of the time anyway ... so that means it was completely hysterical. That's how math works.

    ReplyDelete

  19. Hmm, not a very sharing guy when it comes to his guns is he.

    ReplyDelete

  20. I didn't know this was a problem. So much serious crime goes unreported.

    ReplyDelete

  21. First- really glad I'm not a duck. Second- shame on boyfriend. Zombie sluts are no joking matter.

    ReplyDelete

  22. I love birds of all kinds. My kids just sigh when they see me whip out my camera to take pictures.


    Would love to know your train of thought and how you got to this topic. Did you see a poor duck being taken advantage of?

    ReplyDelete

  23. "Worse than regular duck rape." A sentence I never thought I'd read in my lifetime. Thanks for the chuckle!

    ReplyDelete

  24. Wow, those duck drawings were some of your best yet, Gia :)

    ReplyDelete

  25. Now I need to worry about zombie sluts? I give up.

    ReplyDelete

  26. Ducks AND the zombie apocalypse in one post. Feels like Christmas!

    ReplyDelete

  27. I am seriously crying with laughter. Plus, my four year-old just came in while I was reading and said, "Hey, cool (yes, she says cool), I never seen a green duck before." Well done, well done. :)

    ReplyDelete

  28. Those damned dirty zombie raping ducks!!

    ReplyDelete

  29. Ducky: Your pictures kind of suck, Gia.
    Me: Shut up. I know. I have a blackberry.

    Love.

    Also, I'd pay good money to watch a duck blow a rape whistle.
    What.

    ReplyDelete

  30. I just found your blog! Holy crap, you are funny! I can't believe your boyfriend sent you that text. I have to go google that now.

    ReplyDelete

  31. I wonder what would happen if they took Duck Bath Salts before the duck rapes?
    PS: Telling you again: you are so funny.

    ReplyDelete

  32. I have a Blackberry too. My condolences on sucky pictures.

    ReplyDelete

  33. So, THAT'S what goes on in those trails.
    What a hilarious post!!

    ReplyDelete

  34. I never thought about animal zombies.

    Crap. We are doomed.

    ReplyDelete

  35. Animal zombies would be our undoing as a society. We have so many damn domesticated animals we'd be screwed...heh... kinda like the ducks.

    ReplyDelete

  36. Why have I never thought about zombie ducks? Awesome.

    ReplyDelete

  37. My dad told me he used to see female ducks get drowned by a gang bang all the time. (that comment is out of context, it made sense at the time he told me, he didn't just try and come up with horrific things to share with me all the time.)

    ReplyDelete

  38. Girl! Something is seriously wrong with you. In the best way! I don't know if I'm supposed to laugh or call my therapist? I'm so confused now...

    ReplyDelete

  39. The ducks over here are already off a bit. I think it is the heat...

    Zombie ducks? Wow!

    ReplyDelete

  40. That is hilarious. I am kind of afraid of the duck zombies, who knows what they can do. Also, I had a few mental Freudian slips while reading - duck and fuck is just too close together...

    ReplyDelete

  41. Duck Zombies scare me...having said that I read recently that penguins were one of the most sexually depraved creatures...so maybe they need their own group as well

    ReplyDelete

  42. My questions is: Are the ducks and/or zombies on bath salts? That's when you really have to have your zombie gun at the ready.

    ReplyDelete

  43. I didn't know this was such a serious issue. Ok, I didn't know it was an issue. Thank you for educating me.

    ReplyDelete

  44. Who would of thought? I just like to eat ducks..

    ReplyDelete

  45. The DARD posts get better every time. I am so proud of you showing such support for a cause close to your heart.

    ReplyDelete

  46. OK, it takes a lot for me to be speechless but duck rape? I got nothing. :)

    ReplyDelete

  48. BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Male ducks are perverted creatures...boyfriend RULES!

    ReplyDelete

  49. Do they castrate duck rapists. Damn zombie ducks probably wouldn't care, but then again they might because all sorts of their body parts just rot and fall off.

    ReplyDelete

  50. The law of attraction is at work here. If the ducks weren't so bitter and negative...

    ReplyDelete

  51. Hahaha very funny lol :D love your blog, happy summer! :)

    xoxo
    Susanna
    http://susanna-behindmyeyes.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete

  52. Ducks and zombies! I'm calling Pulitzer Prize on this one! Love it.

    ReplyDelete

  53. I have a rape whistle. I where it whenever I go out. Okay, it's really a necklace with an old school whistle on it (not the gym teacher kind) but it works dammit!

    ReplyDelete

  54. Hilarious. Ducks. Sluts. Bridges. Blackberries. You are one creative blogger. Thanks for the laugh.

    ReplyDelete

  55. look out for all the duck poop, though!

    ReplyDelete

  56. I can't type because I'm still laughing... :)

    ReplyDelete

  57. I always love to read your posts. And I love your drawings. You could do a book with just the drawing and comments.

    ReplyDelete

  58. this is a public service announcement to top all public service announcements. ducks of the world thank you. zombies, not so much.

    ReplyDelete

  59. The most ridiculous post I've read all week!!

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)