Long Live the Monarchy!

Just kidding, of course. I'm totally against the idea of a monarchy. In theory. 

You guys....I am who I am. 

Kiddies and Kitties

Consider this the sequel to last month's preggo coworker post.

Most of the coworkers I chat with have young kids, so convos around the office inevitably center on them. 

You're probably thinking, "Oh no, this is going to turn into a trite 'childless person hates hearing about peoples' kids post." But you're wrong. I don't mind their kid stories. That's not the problem at all. 

I hold it in for as long as I can, you guys. But I'm pretty sure *I'm* actually the awful coworker who can't stop from redirecting any conversation back to her cat. 

Ugh, I'm the worst. 

A Douchebag, By the Numbers

Well, let's decide if we want to go there on the blog with a fun little trump Q&A! 

Question: How many public offices did this assclown hold before running for president?

Answer: None. He's come to political prominence for his role in the racist anti-obama anti-knowledge "birther" movement. 

Question: Oh right, he's a "business" man. How many businesses did he bankrupt?

Answer: Four

Question: How many people does he want to deport?

Answer:11 million

Question: And he wants to ban all muslims from entering the US, of which there are how many worldwide?

Answer:1.6 billion

Question: How many former presidents endorsed Trump?

Answer: Zero

Question: How many times did he talk about the size of his junk during a primary presidential debate?

Answer: Technically only one horrible, horrible time. 

Question: According to politifact, what % of trump's statements are false, mostly false, or pants on fire? 

Answer: 76%, which is honestly lower than I thought it'd be. Hillary & Bernie are both at about 30%, for the record.

Question: Anddd just for funsies: How much is he worth and what did he pay in taxes last year?

Answer: No one knows because he refused to release his tax returns. 

Zzzzz I Don’t Even Know

This weekend wore me out!

I’m tired. But here’s something. At work, we randomly make a joke about Boyfriend putting on this tiny shirt, which would be a belly shirt on him. Then we joked about him in jean shorts and roller blades, too. So here’s a drawing of it.

 

Don’t be mad, Boyfriend. I am sorry about this. Kind of. 

Valentine’s Day Poem for Boyfriend

Boyfriend thinks valentine’s day is stupid. And I tend to agree. BUT, I still want to celebrate it and yes I know that’s crazy but I’m a girl and that’s how we roll. So I wrote this poem for Boyfriend. Sorry I’m not sorry it’s a little mushy.

I know I’m the world’s best girlfriend,

But Boyfriend, you’re pretty great too

So here’s all the reasons why

I’m so happy to date you.

You gave me internet when I had none

And let me steal all the good cable

I've grown into a Game of Thrones fan..

And you’re very handy around my place

Like when you fixed my table.

When we go out to dinner

You never make me pay

And you facetime with me

When I have nothing to say.

You eat what I bake on your carb day

No matter how bad it may taste

(Seriously, sometimes it's really bad

But you never let it waste.)

You tolerate my

Ridiculously rough feet

And you put up with me

When I regret what I eat.

Lastly, you rub my shoulders

When I’ve slept like a bug

And best of all

You know just how to hug!