Wednesday, August 15, 2012

A Letter to Egg Foo Young

Dear Egg Foo Young,

I miss you, you evil delicious addictive bastard. I used to eat you every time Boyfriend and I got chinese. And every time, without fail, I’d feel completely sick after:




Yet, you were so tasty, I’d let the cycle of abuse to continue and order you again next time. Even after that time you gave me food poisoning.


You had to be greasy, didn’t you? You knew I can’t eat greasy foods without feeling miserable after.

Boyfriend finally helped me see the light.
He pointed out that it was made in approximately 67 cups of oil.
And then I had an epiphany.


And just like that, I was free from your evil nausea inducing grasp. Boyfriend and I got Chinese over the weekend. And what did I order?
For some reason I was intense about it.
Sure, I miss you an itty bit. Sure, I was thinking of the egg foo young whilst eating the tofu.


But, I didn’t want to vomit all over Boyfriend immediately after eating tofu. So, it’s tofu that I’ll be sticking with.



GOODBYE, EGG FOO YOUNG! Your wretched grease-filled deliciousness will no longer have any power over me!

Sincerely,
Mayor Gia

PS. But seriously, if I ever cure the probable h pylori that makes me feel so sick when I eat you, let’s talk.

21 comments:

  1. Just like that? Cold turkey? Not even weening yourself off it gradually? Not even an Egg Foo Young patch you put on your arm that gradually releases Egg Foo Young into your bloodstream? Bold. I wish you well in your withdrawals.

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  2. I eat foods that make me sick all the time, mainly because they are bad for me. Like, you know, coffee. It makes me sick but I just can't give it up.

    Maybe you can eat it in small portions. Just to give you the satisfaction when you crave.

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  3. I'm like that with fish & chips... seems like a good idea to eat deep-fried food with more deep-fried food, covered in creamy tartar sauce. And then it hits my stomach and I spend the rest of the night in the fetal position. But it does *taste* good! :)

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  4. My husband is like that with the onion blossom at Outback Steakhouse. Just replace Boyfriend with me, You with Chris and Egg Foo Young with an Awesome Blossom and...repeat.
    I love tofu, so I think you made a pretty good move!

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  5. I'm like that with chocolate martinis. They kick up my stomach ulcer but they taste so fucking good!

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  6. What if you tried a homemade, significantly fewer vats of oil version? Maybe get some take out containers to put it in to trick yourself?

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  7. I feel the same way about Egg rolls... I always think I like them but it turns out it's spring rolls that I like.

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  8. Please come back and tell us if the label/tag "Egg Foo Young is a whore" gets hits via search engines of the readers choice.

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  9. I had that same conversation with Taco Bell last week. Of course, as I type this there is a half-eaten gordita laying before me so you obviously the Bell pays about as much attention to me as my children do.

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  10. I am so sorry for your loss. How long will you be wearing black?

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  11. Try telling yourself it's an omelette - maybe your reaction to EFY has become pyschological.

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  12. So I used to go to this Chinese place by my apartment cause I mean why cook everyday when they deliver down the street. And I ate a whole order of spicy Schezuean pork and ate it like a boss. I woke up at 3am with a wicked headache. Fn MSG! It was chock full of it. Now I just eat it in moderation. Cause I'm not a quitter. But yay for alternatives, even if it is tofu...

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  13. Your epiphany. Lol.

    I'm like that with pizza. Not the nice kind. The pizza hut crap kind. Always regret it. But I can't stop!

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  14. I'm guessing egg foo young is some kind of Caucasian/Asian fusion food? Because I've never had it, well, not by that name at least.

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  15. Oh, where did you get vegetarian egg foo young?
    If you miss it terribly, there are some great recipes online. You can even make it with tofu.

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  16. This is similar to the talk I had with Chipotle burritos a while back. Because I just couldn't justify eating a day's worth of calories in 15 minutes, and feeling like I was pregnant for 2 weeks after. I'm a much better person because of it.

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  17. I like your epiphany. The same thing happens to my husband. I say something and then 2 seconds later he has an epiphany.

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  18. Ha! I had food denial over falafel from this place down the street from our apartment. It was the yummiest, best falafel ever, but every time I ate it I became ill. And probably for the same reason as you and EFY, it's cooked in a vat of oil.

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  19. Dairy and I have that same conversation but I simply refuse to give it up. It is foolish, but I love my cheese.

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  20. I love Egg Foo Young, but it always makes me sick, too! I think it's a combination of the grease and the thick, heavy gravy. Gack! It doesn't sound so good right now when I'm full.

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  21. Hahaha! I Loved this. Egg foo young was one of my favorite dishes before i realized how fat i would be if i kept eating, and that i may die really young of heart disease. And wouldn't that be terrible, dying young and not looking good! Couldn't have it! Sucky TOFU Forever.

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