Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I Wish They Sold DIY Lasik Kits

Like many people, I wear glasses/contacts. I’ve had them since fourth grade. 
Little Gia - I look normal enough, eh?
Unlike most others, my glasses are INCREDIBLY STRONG vision is atrocious and I cannot see a thing without them. Like, if someone has 20/20 vision, something that is 20 feet away LOOKS 20 feet away. My uncorrected vision is approximately 20/650. Something that is 20 feet away looks 650 feet away to me.

Sexy Blurry Boyfriend
 So, I don’t just need my glasses to drive, I need them to function on a daily basis.

Whoops. More eyeball poking
And, like the 99% of the population, I’m pretty poor right now. I’ve spent the past 6 or 7 years without eyecare insurance.  This isn’t incredibly unusual, I know. But it meant I go to the eye doc at Walmart. One step up from that guy with the van in the back of the parking lot who offered me discounted lasik. Lasermobile? No thanks, ax murderer. I won’t have you harvesting my eyeballs for your weird doll collection.
Also known as Rapemobile 3000.
I’m lucky in the fact that my prescription hasn’t changed since high school. But that means I’ve had the same $20 WalMart frames and lenses. The bad thing is that coating on the lenses is all chippy and whatnot. Day to day, this doesn’t bother me.  But at night, it creates giant halos.

Why am I bringing this up now? Because we recently had Daylight Savings

AKA the worst time of the year for me.

See, I work til 5pm. And from March-October, this isn’t a problem. I can wear glasses to work, hop in my car, do some highway merging, and get home no problem. However,  wearing contacts for 8 straight hours of looking at a computer gives me headaches, probably because I have the vision of a bat.
Is that a swarm of gnats or some woman's hair? Probably gnats. Better go swoop into it.
Once darkness hits, all bets are off. All I see are bright lights coming at me and I have no idea what lane anyone is in. It’s like driving with a granny:

[Cut me a break. I can't draw cars.]
Except I’m not senile, so it’s FUCKING TERRIFYING.

My current solution has been to suck it up and wear my contacts. Sure, it causes headaches and my eyes hurt and it makes me miserable, but at least I’ve managed to get myself home in one piece so far.

However, my current job provides eye insurance. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!

So mark it in your calendars, kiddies. Tuesday, December 6th. Gia has an eye doctor appointment! She’s going to get brand spankin’ new glasses!

[Yes, Gia may find out that the night driving issue is due to her bad vision and not her shitty glasses and even brand new glasses won’t fix it, but let’s not rain on her parade, shall we?]

FYI, I’m also going to inquire about lasik surgery. Sure, I won’t be able to afford it for a few years and sure, Boyfriend says its like being in A Clockwork Orange, but hey, a girl can dream, can’t she?


  1. From what I hear, Lasik is pretty simple now, in for an hour or two, and boom, you're done. My dad got Lasik ten years ago...before it was a perfected technology, but three procedures later, he's fine (don't let that scare you, I'm sure his eye patch is just an accessory he uses to seem cooler).
    But no matter what, you should keep the glasses that make everything look psychedelic at night. It's cheaper than LSD.

  2. I wear glasses too!!! Yay!

    And I'm pretty sure we have the same problem with our eyes because I can't see jack shit without my glasses even when I squint. And contacts bother my eyes, so I don't have that option.

    And for the longest time I didn't have eye insurance either. So I suffered and suffered until I finally got some new glasses a few months ago. Colors never looked so colored before! I COULD SEE TREES!!! Beautiful trees!!

    In other words, I feel your pain. Big time.

  3. Daylight savings time is the Devil. I've thought about moving to Arizona because they don't have it there, but I'm too afraid of hot and rattlesnakes and really strict conservatives with big guns.

    For now I just suck it up and drive 30 minutes directly into the sunrise AND sunset to get to work. East at 7 am to work, West at 5 Pm to home. With non-prescription sunglasses, because I blew my eye coverage on my actual glasses.

  4. Awww yeah, new glasses are awesome. Can you get the anti-glare lenses? That will take care of your nighttime problems.

  5. YAAAAAAAYY!! I just made an eye appointment to get an updated perscription and new contacts because every time I drive at night I get the halo effect.

    It's horrendous.

  6. I hear Lasik is the way to go. I wouldn't know personally. I'm one of the hated perfect vision people.

  7. Well, you could use glasses at work and change into your contacts for driving?

  8. A friend of mine got Lasik and still gets halos, and she has dry eyes. She still said it was worth it.