Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Shower Games: Part II

In case you missed Part I, I’ve come up with some new activities for bridal/baby showers.  Because they’re boring and sucky. Have an upcoming Baby Shower you’re attending? I recommend playing some of these games, so you never get invited to one of these hellshowers again you’re the life of the party!

Game 1: 20 Questions About Conception
Supplies: Women, curiosity, and a lack of shame.
Directions: Well, this game only works if the mom-to-be knows the sex of the baby and hasn’t told anyone else yet. (Apparently, it’s fairly common to “surprise” shower guests with the sex, as if they cared.) Guests are allowed to ask 20 questions about the conception of the baby before guessing what the sex is.
Example questions include:

  • Who was on top?
  • How many days was it before/after ovulation?
  • How soon beforehand did you shower?

It's all very scientific.

Game 2: Labor Horror Stories Sharing Time! [Note: This game works especially well with new moms.]
Supplies: Women
Directions: Share your disgusting stories of childbirth. The gorier the better. Don’t hold back.
But don't worry. I'm sure *you'll* be fine.
 Boy, that granny is always causing trouble, isn’t she?

Game 3: What Animal Does the Mother-to-Be Resemble?
Supplies: Women, and your imagination.
Directions: Make the pregnant woman walk around the room. Discuss what animal she resembles. Waddling like a duck? Thumping around like a hippo? Don’t worry about sparing the mom-to-be’s feelings; I’ve heard pregnant women LOVE this game.

Strangely, no one ever chooses "lioness."

Game 4: Rub the Belly and Make a Wish.
Supplies: Pregnant woman.
Directions: Pretty self-explanatory. Rub your hands all over that belly! The more resistant the mother, the more likely the wish will come true. But don’t worry, ALL pregnant women secretly LOVE being touched!
Whoops. Someone got a handful of boob.

Game 5: Identify What’s in the Diaper
Supplies: Diapers, chocolate bars.
Directions: Melt the chocolate bars in the diapers so it looks like poo. Make women examine the diapers and guess what chocolate bar is in them- WHOA WHOA WHOA HOLD THE PHONE. This is a real fucking game?!? Holy shit! Someone actually does this? Not just to fuck with everyone and teach them never to ever invite said person to a shower again? Really?

Well. Shit is fucked up.  That kind of ruins my idea for Game 5. Hmmm…. Wait, I got it!
My twist: Use real poo.

There you go! Who wouldn't love these games? I strongly recommend using this ideas, and then reporting back here to let me know how it goes.


  1. Holy crap you did it again. Hilarious. "Did you queef?" So good.
    How about "Can you see the baby in there?" or "Guess the amount of stretch marks."

  2. I've read this about 4 different times and have laughed harder each time.

    This is absolutely hilarious.

  3. Ah, great idea pickleope!!!! We could put paper on her belly and do "rubbings" with pencils.

  4. I have avoided the baby-showers so far (surprisingly easy since everyone knows I don't like kids), but if one should turn up with 20 question, I'm so there.

  5. Gia, do we really need to give women another reason to discuss their child birth stories? I once belonged to a 'book club' (I was new in town...whatever) and these chicks never read the book, but the conversation always turned into the horrifying labour accounts. Every. Single. Time.

    (I knew that chocolate bar game was real. I don't know what is wrong with people today.)

  6. I hate baby showers. Mainly because I'm disgusted by all things pre---cy related. The diaper game really makes me wonder about people. Since when is looking at imitation shit a fun game?

  7. I've actually been invited to one of these in the next month or so. I think I'll suggest the 20 questions game and the stretch mark rubbings. They'd make great party favors!