Monday, August 1, 2016

The Giant Zucchini

Farmer Boyfriend has a small vegetable garden in his backyard. 

oh hush.

Anyway, he brought me a present this weekend. 

Seriously, I should have taken a good photo of it. It was about the size of my cat. Probably 8 pounds. No joke. 

So I googled recipes on Saturday to figure out what to do with it. 

I decided on a zucchini egg bake. You shred the zucchini in a food processor, fry it a little on the stovetop, and bake with eggs and cheese. 

So on Sunday morning, I began my work. 

But do you know how long it takes to shred and fry that much zucchini? I had to do it in batches. Many, many batches. 

(I should note that the kitchen is the hottest room in my apartment in the summer, even without turning both the stovetop and oven on.) I don't want to say I was "hysterical" by the fourth batch, but things weren't looking great. 

Finally, after many hours of cooking and sweating and washing dishes, the zucchini bake was done. 

You guys can probably see this coming, can't you?

Yep. Goddamnit, that's what I get for trying. 


  1. I love zucchini! I'm like Bubba from Forest Gump when it comes to zucchini "you can fry it, you can bread it, you can bake it, you can make zucchini pancakes, zucchini bread, zucchini muffins" I usually go for the bread or the muffins when I have a lot of zucchini.

  2. hahaha one thing I LOVE to make w/those giant freak zukes is pizza zucchini. You slice it, bread it by dunking the slices in egg batter first, then bread crumbs. Then you fry those. Then you put those on a cookie sheet, cover them in marinara sauce and shredded cheese and anything else you would put on a pizza. It's really delicious and surprisingly less carbs than actual pizza crust, plus you're eating veggies and you hardly know it b/c FRIED bread crumbs. Even my kids will eat that, so it's actually good. We tried it w/eggplant but it's way better w/giant zucchini.

  3. You shoulda gone with a nice chocolate zucchini cake. Zucchini is so bland that it's only edible when paired with an overpoweringly good flavour like chocolate.

  4. A bland zucchini dish you say? Color me surprised. I mean of all vegetables it's not like zucchini is one of the few that can't be eaten raw and requires an ice cream scoop of butter to be edible. Oh, wait, it is. Zucchini is an embarrassment of a vegetable. It's cousin, the cucumber, spits on zucchini. Of all the phalic vegetables, zucchini has to be the worst.

  5. Good for you for trying, though! That's interesting that he "accidentally" made the zucchini! I wish I could accidentally make a chocolate cake. :) I can't seem to make anything in the kitchen without burning it; I can't even heat up frozen pizza or make mac and cheese right half the time.

  6. I hate zucchini. I swear some people put zucchini in anything.


  7. We have to lock our car doors during zucchini season here. Otherwise people slip them into your car when you're not looking. Zucchini lasagna is another way to use a lot at one time.

  8. Zucchini cake/bread is the way to go. It's like banana bread. Yes...the shredding is a lot of work if you don't have a food processor, but it is worth it. You can make a couple loaves, freeze them and only eat as much as you like. Google Maida Heatter's can't go wrong! You may even be begging for your boyfriend's zucchini (ha!) from now on.

  9. The outcome of this story seems a little too similar to that of what likely would have happened to me. I would have had absolutely no idea what to do with it.

    Your drawings are adorable by the way :D

  10. Yeah, zucchini isn't great when it grows that big. Older zucchinis are more bitter. Just like people!