Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Lessons from My Eye Doctor

So, as I’ve blogged about before, I have terrible eyesight. My very exciting eye doctor appointment was last Tuesday! WOOHOO! So, here are some things I learned:

1. The EYE DOCTOR should have a very large and clear sign outside their building. Because it was dark and raining and on a road that had a ton of office buildings. And guess what?  I couldn’t figure out which building it was. 

Oh yeah, that's totally clear.

Also, when you walk into a building, the address should be CLEARLY labeled somewhere. Because I walked into the wrong building. And I didn’t know that because the address wasn’t ANYWHERE. So I found a suite where there was a woman behind a desk, so I proceeded to try to open the glass doors, but they were locked.  Holy embarrassing. Two businessmen came out and asked if they could help me, and I had to ask what building I was in.  Cringe. Oh, and by the time I got to the right building, I was late. And I hate being late. Because I’m crazy.

2. Fancy private eye doctors are no better than Walmart. Seriously. I hadn’t been to a real eye doc since I was a kid, so I guess I didn’t really remember that its all the EXACT same thing. I read some letters, they did the whole “is this better, or this?” and they told me my prescription hasn’t changed. Bam! The homeless guy standing outside of my work could do that. Except they charged twice as much. So, there’s that.

Also, they don’t make the letters big enough. Honestly, without my glasses on, I couldn’t even see there was a letter there. At first it looked like this:
Seriously, WTF is that?
So they had to let me use my glasses to see anything at all.
Oh, I see. Assholes.

3. Holy shit is it hard to pick out glasses by yourself. So even though my prescription didn’t change, my current lenses are chipped and awful, so I needed new glasses. The consultant they had was nice and helpful, but there are SO MANY glasses. Seriously. My head was spinning. 
Too retro

Too round
Too square
Ad nauseum.

Unfortunately, the first three frames I narrowed it down to were WAY too expensive, so I made her find me two cheaper pairs. They were very similar - one brown and one black. Easy right?


After agonizing over this decision (I’m poor, I’m not buying glasses again in a looong time), I finally went with the black ones

Once you go black...

And then I went home and immediately second guessed myself.

They take a week or so to come in, and I’m anxiously waiting, because A) I want them and B) I’m not great at describing them. They're black and retangularish. But I did look at someone and realize they had pretty exactly the glasses. Who want that, you ask?


Someone please tell me matching glasses are cute.


  1. Matching glasses are cute. No matter what anyone else says.

    Have you considered going for laser eye surgery? I know it costs a lot so would involve a lot of saving, as well as the fact that you will be blind for at least 24 hours, but might be something worthwhile to look into.......

  2. Sure, matching glasses are cute...or clingy like when you see couples wearing matching track suits. Dammit, why am I not good at being supportive!?!
    I'm sure your glasses look good. All Lisa Loeb-ey (wow, I'm old).

  3. Very cute.

    Me and my wife wear the same glasses...and I've got 20/20 vision.

  4. Thank the LORD I'm not the only person to walk into the wrong building.

    We should totally comisserate on our mutual habit of embarassing ourselves in public. I do it a LOT.

  5. Absolutely, they are.

    Yes, you'd think that an eye doctor would know his or her patients can't see well. Clearly marking things would be a plus.

  6. Picking out glasses is one of the hardest decisions ever... especially since you're going to be wearing them on your face every day for years.

  7. If the glasses look the same as they do in the artwork, i fear you forgot to buy some with lenses.

  8. Matching glasses are totally the newest, hottest fashion accessory.

  9. jlittlejohn
    1. They're anti glare lenses, thankyouverymuch
    2. If anything looks the same in real life as my artwork, lenses are the very least of my problems.

  10. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I loved this post so much!! I had tears from laughing so hard!

  11. All the hottest couples have matching glasses. Or is it matching house keys? It's definitely one of those.

  12. Ooo, dontcha hate picking out glasses?
    I dragged the Man to not one but two optometrists in search for a pair of frames. It took forever to pick them out. And then, after the week it takes to get them, I tried them on and was like, "Are THESE what I picked out?" (cue husband with head in hands, looking like he wants to scream)

  13. You should have walked closer to the board, maybe the eye specialist had given them in braille.

    I like topgun aviator type of glasses with golden frame and total black tinted glasses. But that would pass for a goggle not nerdy specs.

    yep, I said it, all myopia,hyperopia guys/gals who dont wear contact lenses are all nerds. :)

  14. I need to go to the eyes doctor, too. :(

  15. I just went to the eye doctor last week and I had the same problem with the damn sign.

    How are people who are legally half-blind read a sign that says "Vision" in 8-point font.


  16. My girlfriend and I have matching transition lenses for our glasses. Does that count?

  17. Matching glasses are awesome!

    I'm sure I've seen Jonny Depp and Vanessa Paradis sporting this very look.

    I say go with it!

  18. I haven't been to the opticians for years. They've given up sending me reminder letters. I can see well enough, I figure I've got a few years left before I need new lenses.

    I used to have a private optician who once farted when I was heading in to be examined. It totally reeked. I had to pay a ton for that sort of service.

    You know, over here, you can get a sex change for free on the NHS, but you have to pay for specs. I might as well stay blind but show off my beautiful new snatch to everybody I meet.

  19. Interesting subconscious decision on the glasses. I think it's cute.

  20. Well, eye doctors should have a big and clear sign on their office because, as expected, people who come to their office probably have eye problems.:)BTW, you've made a nice choice of glasses. Black is a neutral color and fits almost all outfits and occasions.

  21. I agree that matching glasses are cute. And I also agree about that Eye Doctors should have signs that'll be easily seen by anyone. Black ones are always great to anyone.