Monday, October 24, 2011

Self Esteem

So, I was feeling a bit wonky the past few days. Long story short, I had a conversation with Boyfriend that wasn't intended to be critical towards me, but it dredged up all these icky feelings of self-loathing. It’s like, if my inner self was a dog, I’d be dangerously close to rubbing my nose in my own poo.

So anyway, Boyfriend senses what’s up, but doesn’t really get why. I may have clued him in, though, because my way of coping is to follow him around room to room asking if he still likes me.
He wants me to share, but I don’t want to. So I figured out a good compromise: share while he’s sleeping. Fair, right? Friday night in bed went something like this:

Me: You still like me, right?
Boyfriend: Mmmmhmmm
Me: Ok, just checking
Boyfriend: mmm argoebregsspretzel mmmmm
Me: * whispering * Boyfriend? You awake?
Boyfriend: zzzzzglurkbreadsnortzzzzz
Me: * whispering * Ok. So <cue ten minute diatribe of heavy sharing> You know?
Boyfriend: zzzzzzsnoooore zzzzzzzzz
Me: Perfect.

When Boyfriend found out the next day, he was Not Happy. He said that didn’t count as sharing but he’s wrong. So, he spontaneously started drafting a Dear Abby letter aloud.

Dear Abby,
My girlfriend said she shared her feelings with me, but I was asleep. That doesn’t count, right?

I countered with

Dear Abby,
My boyfriend said he wanted me to share my feelings with him, but fell asleep as I was telling him my innermost thoughts and feelings! That’s totally his fault, right?

It was on.

Dear Abby,
I have the craaaaaziest girlfriend in the world.

Dear Abby,
I think I’m perfectly reasonable.
Crazy in <state>

Dear Abby,
I’m frightened of my crazy girlfriend. I’d leave her but I’m scared something bad will happen to me. What should I do?

Dear Abby,
Tell me more about this “temporary insanity” defense I’ve heard about.

Dear Abby
I want to go to local women’s shelter, but they said I couldn’t because I’m not a woman. That doesn’t seem fair. It’s the same abuse!

Dear Abby
What’s the best way to get rid of a body?

I win.

Well, not really, in the sense that I couldn't murder Boyfriend this weekend because we were celebrating my birthday. But then he took me out to a fancypants dinner and got me super pretty opal earrings AND an iPod nano!!!

So actually, I DO win!!


  1. Happy birthday! And yeah, you totally win. Is Dear Abby still a thing? There's no way she's still alive, right?

  2. Thank you! Dear Abby's great great great granddaughter (or someone like that) writes it now. I'd say Boyfriend referenced it because its an old people thing, but I may or may not read it religiously myself.