Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Houses (Part 1)

So, Boyfriend and I went away to his vacation house in seaside town this weekend for my birthday. It was perfect walking weather, so Boyfriend and I did a bit of strolling about town, trying to make strangers as uncomfortable as possible because apparently we’re not nearly as cute as in real life as I draw us here. The town itself can be a bit…odd. We primarily found three types of homes: 

1. Big beautiful vacation homes. Mostly the ones closest to the sea. I think they tend to belong to older couples. Lots of old fancy cadillacs and flag poles (yay patriotism!).

2. Crazy Old People’s Homes. Let’s just say there are LOTS of dolphin statues. More on these types of homes later this week

3. Crappy bungalows filled with scummy assholes. They tended to be a few blocks in and looked like glorified sheds.  Unfortunately, some of these scummy assholes happen to live right next to Boyfriend.
When Boyfriend first bought the home, his not-so-classy neighbors kept two female goldendoodles in a small pen in their backyard that they were planning on breeding because goldendoodle puppies are adorable little balls of moneymaking. And because even though lesbian sex is super hot it can’t result in pregnancy (um, which may make it hotter), they added a studly male golden retriever (can anyone say love triangle??). So now there are three full grown dogs in a small, uncovered pen in their backyard. My reactions:

A.     Those poor pups bark all day and night, they’re dirty and without shelter, and never seem to get walked or paid attention to. It’s terribly sad. Conclusion: these neighbors are assholes. 

B.     Logic quiz! If poodle + golden retriever = goldendoodle, then goldendoodle + golden retriever = what, exactly? Puppies with birth defects?  New conclusion: these neighbors are IDIOT assholes.

C.     Does anyone want to help me steal some dogs? Frealsies. I’ve watched Ocean’s 11 a bunch of times, so I’m pretty much a master thief already.  It’d be like Gia’s Three: One person to be the lookout, one person to unlatch the pen, and one person to roll around in bacon so the dogs will immediately smell and love them (I’d like to volunteer myself for that one).

[I feel like this drawing is so bad I need to explain it: I was trying to use the spraypaint to show the goldendoodle’s longer hair. I’ve succeeded in making her look like Pigpen. But she’s dirty too, so it kinda works. Um, also, just to clear up any misconceptions -- I’m wearing that glasses/nose/moustache disguise. I don’t actually have a lady moustache. I’m incognito.]

Mmmmm. Bacon. 


  1. You mean the Amish Joker with a harelip wasn't proselytizing to filthy dogs? So much for saving their mortal doggy souls.
    Maybe Boyfriend should invest in some dolphin statues and move to the classy-yet-smells-of-colostomy-bags-and-Icy-Hot neighborhood?
    Looking forward to part deux.

  2. Boyfriend's house is actually super nice, it just happens to be located next to a sketchy one. He just doesn't have any dolphin statues (YET. Christmas is right around the corner...).

  3. Back off there green goblin. I'll be hanging a colostomy bag from your antlers while I icy hot your green ass.

    I'm old and grumpy.

  4. Be nice to my only follower, dear!

  5. I would definitely help you steal the dogs! The rolling around in bacon plan is pretty genius. You must be smarter than you look...like me.

    My brother-in-law has appointed me as my sister's official date when she wants to go see 'fluffy collar movies'. And he pays...so it's a win-win for me.

    1. The second part of my comment made no sense because I had followed the link and part of my comment was for the other post. I guess I'm really not all that much smarter than I look...

  6. Commendable MS Paint "spraypainting" technique.

    I used some of that razz-a-ma-tazz over here. Gotta scroll down a bit.

    If his place is anything like here, the animal control officers have no real legal rights to take the dogs unless there is blatant, obvious, proof of abuse. It's terrible.

    Poor dogs. And idiot owners.