Friday, October 21, 2011

So…I May Be Psychic.

I want to talk about a dream I had Tuesday night. I know, I know, listening to someone talk about their dream is only slightly less painful than listening to them talk about the traffic, the weather, or what the [generic sports team] is doing wrong this season. Bear with me, I’ll keep it short.

Tuesday’s sleep was actually filled with a bunch of crazy/psychedelic dreams, including a very disturbing one where I was dying (eath-day is a touchy subject for me. Not going there today). BUT, at one point I had a very clear dream: I was in a house (presumably mine) with my parents and sister, and a camel had wandered into the front yard. We were all like, “Whoa holy shit, it’s a camel!” And kept trying to use our phones to take a good photo of it. One of us got a great one of the camel with its eyes half opened and a dopey smile on its face, like it just smoked a giant bowl of weed. End dream.

See, that description wasn’t too painful, right? Anyway, I turn on the news Wednesday morning and HOLY SHIT A BUNCH OF EXOTIC ANIMALS ARE LOOSE IN OHIO.

Whoa. Clearly my dream was a premonition.

Ok I know technically a camel wasn’t one of the exotic animals released, but c’mon…lions, tigers, bears (oh my!), monkeys, leopards, wolves, etc etc.  A camel doesn’t NOT fit right into that mishmash of the animal kingdom, you know? Sure it’s slightly less…bitier, but just as out of place in Ohio.

[Side note: Seriously, how bonkers was that guy?? Can you imagine if your school was closed because there was a bunch of man-eating lions and tigers were roaming around? Shit just got real. Life, survivor style.

Also, one article reported that a “monkey with herpes” missing.  First thought: Monkeys can get herpes? News to me. I’ve only heard of kitty herpes (and feline aids…mrawr). Second thought: Is anyone else suddenly worried about unprotected monkey rape? As in, rape by monkey, not vice versa.  Though I am definitely opposed to raping monkeys.]

Anyhooooo. My point is that my loose camel dream was clearly a premonition, and I’m clearly psychic. It looked something like this:

UPDATE: As I was writing this, my roommate randomly turned off her blowdryer, poked her head out of her bathroom where she’s primping for her date, and went “Hey, did you hear about the zookeeper who killed himself and like 50 wild animals were let loose in Ohio??” Seriously, she said it out of nowhere! The last things we were talking about were what party she was going to Friday and what time the electrician was coming tomorrow. Creepy, right? I’m DEFINITELY psychic.


  1. monkey rape should be terrifying even if they don't have herpes

  2. Yes. People should probably keep their cats and small dogs indoors, just to be safe..