Ducklings!

I was outside last week and a bunch of adorable ducklings came out:

Ducky: Wait a second, Gia.

Me: Uh oh Ducky, what’s up?

Ducky: Half of those ducklings are going to grow up to be rapists!!!

Me: Aww cmon now…

Ducky: DUCK RAPE IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM GIA. 

Me: I know, I know. Ducks Against Raping Ducks!

Ducky: Right!

Me: Did it occur to you that those ducklings might be a result of rape, Ducky??

Ducky: OH MY GOD I DID NOT BUT YOU’RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

Me: Those cute little rape ducklings. I wonder if their mama duck resents them.

Ducky: I need to find them and teach them about the dangers of rape! If we start them young, they’ll grow up to support DARD!

Me: Yes, we should do that?

Ducky: Did you say we?

Me: I think I should come along for this trip…

Ducky: And why is that Gia?

Me: So I can see the ducklings and hold them and love them and cuddle them AHHH THEY’RE JUST TOO CUTE AND FUZZY!!!!

Ducky: Stay away from the ducklings, Gia.
Me: Damnit. 

I’m Considering Becoming Amish

Texting between Boyfriend and me:

Boyfriend: I just had an Amish soft pretzel. Best food ever.

Boyfriend: Those Amish soak everything in butter.

Me: I should be Amish.

Boyfriend: Good luck with that.

Me: Do Amish have hair straighteners?

Boyfriend: Yes.

Me:  I could totes be Amish then. Easy peasy.

Boyfriend: I know some people. I could get you in. butter heaven.

Me: I don’t do bonnets, btw.

Me: Do Amish eat cake?

Boyfriend: Yes.

Me: Perfect.

Seriously. What’s not to love about being amish? You get soft pretzels and cake and things in butter. And I heard they can use cell phones because those don’t have cords, so I can still get my internet. Where’s the bad?

I think I’m leaning towards becoming Amish, guys!

Welp, it was worth a list.  

Butter Coffee

Have you guys heard of bulletproof coffee (or butter coffee)? Boyfriend has recently started using it.

Apparently blending is key to making it look like a real coffee and not black gunk with oil sitting on it. 

Don't stand between me and my breakfast. 

Boyfriend swears it's delicious, but I'm skeptical. Have you guys tried it? Or would you?

Ralph the Lady Bug

Me: Aww it’s a cute lil lady bug!  What’s your name?

Ralph: Hey! Who you callin’ cute?

Me: Uhhhhhhh….

Ralph: I’m a manly lady bug! Name’s Ralph!

Me: Uhhhh….

Ralph: Let me guess. You always think of lady bugs as ladies?

Me: Well, yes. Only because they’re…

Ralph: called lady bugs?

Me: No. Adorably polka dotted. Do you ever see men in polka dots? Hmm?

Ralph: All the time!

Ralph: Shut up Boyfriend!

Me: Okay Ralph. Tell me about your hobbies.

Ralph: I like football, beer, and crocheting.

Me: Sorry, what was that last one?

Ralph: Shut your whore mouth, Gia.

Me: Boy, you’re cute when you’re angry, lil guy.

Ralph: Grumble grumble.

 I don't even know, guys. I don't even know. 

Career Choices

So, I currently work for a nonprofit. I won’t be doing this particular job forever, and lately I’ve been thinking about what my career options are. I’ve come up with a few:

Ok, I don’t know why I thought dance was an option. Hmm, I’m kind of handy.

I did not think that one through. Next!

I have a thing about pulses…I don’t know.

I don’t see a  downside here.

What’s your dream job?

Red.

Texting between Boyfriend and me, in pictures:

Apparently Boyfriend is slightly tired of reminding me to use sunscreen. How was your weekend?