Me: Why, hello ducky!
Ducky: Hi Gia
Me: How’s ducks against raping ducks going?
Ducky: Um, okay.
Me: Just okay?
Ducky: Well, we’ve definitely cut down on local duck rape.
Ducky: But have you watched the news? Human rape is a real problem!
Me: I know, I know.
Ducky: Like those two recent cases of girls being raped while they’re unconscious and later committing suicide because the rapists took pictures of it and they were tormented about it at school?
Me: I know, it’s horrible
Ducky: Fuck yeah it is! Ducks don’t even do that to each other, Gia. DUCKS.
Ducky: AND WE’RE THE RAPIEST OF ALL ANIMALS.
Me: Rape culture is a problem here
Ducky: Yeah, no fucking joke that rape culture is a problem! Why do you teach girls not to get raped instead of teaching boys not to rape? It blames the victim!
Me: Well I personally don’t I mean I’m a feminist…
Ducky: You know what I mean.
Me: I can’t answer this question.
Ducky: It’s terrible. I mean, what’s the point of giving out rape whistles if unconscious people are getting raped?!?! HMM??
Me: Not sure…
Ducky: I need to come up with a new pamphlet to hand out.
Me: Oh yeah?
Ducky: Yep, something like this: