As I mentioned on Friday, my mom and I went to the beach this weekend. Here’s some random observations, brought to you through texts between me and Boyfriend.
Observation 1: I am not above stealing from a child.
Me: A girl has a pink inflatable dolphin. I want to steal
it.
Boyfriend: I’m sure you can overpower her.
Me: Survival of the fittest. Sucks to be a five year old.
Don’t worry, I didn’t steal it. I was gonna punch her in the
face and run away with it, but her stupid parents were totally hovering. I
mean, who doesn’t let their five year old run around unattended next to a giant
body of water?
Observation 2: My nose is entirely too big for my face.
It was a long day in the sun, okay? Some sunburn could not
be entirely unexpected.
Me: My FACE!!!
Boyfriend: Killing me?
Me: No. You love it. Especially when its tomatoey.
“The blotchier the better.”
Seriously, I don’t know what happened. I wore sunscreen and
I didn’t get burned anywhere but my face. Mainly, my nose.
Boyfriend: Jackass.
Me: MEEEE?!?!?!
I can’t help it my nose sticks out like dumbo
Wait
No
Well he’s an elephant so he had a big nose so that kind of
works.
Boyfriend: I’m not talking to you tomato head.
Me: Who is a jackass?
Boyfriend: You.
Me: Awwwww.
 |
| I wore sunscreen I swear! |
Observation 3: My vision still isn’t great.
Boyfriend: So many bats out tonight.
Me: Like me and my mom.
 |
| Yeah, I can't see for shit. |
Observation 4: Honeybadgers don’t care.
Me: Now we’re gonna bring wine to the pool even though the
rules say not to cuz we’re bad asses
Boyfriend: Wear your leather jackets and sunglasses.
 |
| Yeah, it was pretty much like this. |
Observation 5: It’s a palm tree.
Me: Look. It’s a
radioactive palm tree. Damn nuclear meltdown.
Boyfriend: Good thing you have those sunglasses.
And that was my weekend.
Bonus Observation: Damn, I look good in leather.
In China they wear rastling masks to keep from burning their noses.
ReplyDeleteYou do look badness in that leather jacket. Just make sure the a/c is set low. We all know you can't stand to be hot.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I have a nose that burns way too much even with sunscreen. I'm assuming it is just going to fall off one day.
I love every word and picture.
ReplyDeleteI love bringing booze to places that say not to! It's like a challenge. You can put anything in a Starbucks cup.
ReplyDeleteLeather jackets work for some people, and for others, not so much. I'm the latter. It makes me look like a huge douche. You know, even more than usual.
ReplyDeleteOn the plus side, if your nose is constantly red, no one knows when you're drunk. So drink up at the pool, badass, you have drunky camouflage.
ReplyDeletea true bad ass would've punched the 5 year old in the face. :)
ReplyDeleteOh the burden of being an adult. You can't get away with stealing other children's pink inflatable dolphins. You have to go buy one yourself.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha, just this weekend, I found myself wanting to steal a cute purse from a lady I saw shopping in Target (just the purse itself, mind you, not its contents).
ReplyDeleteAlso: a local shopping center has those same radioactive palm trees, in red, blue and green, no less!
(If the sunburn gets out of hand, I recommend placing white vinegar on your skin. It helps to soothe it.)
-Barb the French Bean
I love your drawings! Also, I don't think stealing from kids is illegal anymore, you shoulda taken the dolphin
ReplyDeletePool + Leather, talk about 'idgaf'
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on the burning thing. My ears burn like nobody's business, even with epic amounts of sunblock. Ouch.
You were wearing leather in this insane heat! I'm surprised you didn't get heat stroke to go with the sunburn. And weird that it was only your nose. Maybe you accidentally missed it when applying? Hope your face feels better soon!
ReplyDeleteif it was a rainbow unicorn, you would have had no choice. plus, who would have recognized you with your different colored face and all...
ReplyDeleteI steal from kids all the time, especially mine. It is totally OK.
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna call you Rudolph. OK? :-)
ReplyDeleteAnd, oh, are you on drugs when you write? Yeah, I thought so. :-)
:-) Another home run.
ReplyDeleteYou totally rock that leather jacket!!! :)
ReplyDeleteAnd wait. Stealing from kids is not bad, right?
Really what kind of parents do watch their kids at the beach? That's a pretty fancy beach you were visiting there. Bet it's not the kind where 200 lb women try to wear bikinis. Great post. Erin
ReplyDeleteYou crack me up!!
ReplyDeleteYou are badass in that jacket. Well, except for the nose. That makes you look like a jackass. :)
ReplyDeletehahaha OMG. i went on a trip to Florida a couple weeks back and my nose AND chin... yowsa.
ReplyDeleteSo funny! That palm tree is something else, I'm still not sure what to make of it. Love the jacket and shades-and sneaking wine :)
ReplyDeleteYour pictures are hilarious. My big nose always gets burned, too. Ouch.
ReplyDeleteYou rock the jacket.
ReplyDeleteAs always, I loved and laughed at your fab post. YOU ARE ONE FUNNY GIRL!!!!
LOL! Love the pictures. I totally feel you on the nose thing. Generally speaking I make vampires look tan so sun screen is a must. But in between sweating and taking sun glasses on and off the sun screen on my nose is the first to get rubbed off thus creating a highly unfortunate Rudolph situation.
ReplyDeleteNo matter what I do I get the red nose. My husband calls me Bobo.
ReplyDeleteThis is random and hilarious, and I'm pretty sure you're on acid, bc WTF?!
ReplyDeleteI love it, though.
You wear leather and sunglasses to the pool while drinking wine. CLEARLY you're far too cool for sunscreen!
ReplyDeletepure zinc oxide my friend.
ReplyDeleteit even comes in pretty colours.....and looks totally cool with dark shades and leather. just sayin
ha. Mom, my daughter, my sister and me are heading to the beach this weekend for Mom's 80th. Loved your picture with your poor nose. And the radioactive palm tree. And this summer we totally brought the wine and beer down to the pool. In proper plastic containers -- most of the time. Enjoyed your creativity as always.
ReplyDeleteI have to LOL! But you do look like you gonna kick some a$$ in that leather jacket!!! ;)
ReplyDeleteGreat cartoons! I always wear sun block, but I always miss a spot...
ReplyDeleteI soooo love that palm tree and that you wore a leather jacket and shades to the pool -- AND smuggled in booze. You rock! Hilarious, as always.
ReplyDeleteI didn't make it down the shore this past weekend but I'll be seeing those same palm trees *this* saturday.
ReplyDeleteMy nose always burns. Always. Even with a crap-ton of sunscreen, it burns. Sucks.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you had a great time at the beach! Well, minus the sunburn part...
ReplyDeleteI love that your art got included in the yeah write post this week. You rock! When my niece was here this summer we went to the county fair. At one point someone started tossing t-shirts into the crowd. This old dude (70?) nearly knocked my 10 yr old niece to the ground for one of the shirts. But she emerged victorious as she wrested control of a shirt she will never wear. That tells me it would have been appropriate for you to steal the dolphin. Probably the kid had more toys than she needed anyway. Funny stuff, Gia, as always!
ReplyDeleteYou totally should have beat up the 5 year old for the dolphin. And sunglasses at night with wine = pimp!
ReplyDeleteI always find that leather is an under-utilized material at the shore, in summer. Unless it is biker week. Ellen
ReplyDeleteP.S.- Have you seen the face-kinis they are wearing in China? If not, Google it. That would be a fun post. Ellen
Adore the commentary with boyfriend! Your entries always make me cackle in a very unladylike manner. Which is fing awesome!
ReplyDelete