Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Inappropriate Childhood Things, Again

So, remember my “Save a tree, eat beaver story?  TL;DR version: when I was a kid, I bought a magnet that said Save a Tree, Eat Beaver because I thought I was being an ironic and hip vegetarian. Only years later I realized how filthy it was.

Over the weekend, I headed to my parents’ house for a couple of days. My childhood room is chock full of keepsakes – bullshit that I really should sort through/throw out.

I did poke around a box or two, and found something interesting. A bumper sticker that says “Whatever it is, I tested negative.”

I vaguely remember owning this, though unlike the save a tree, eat beaver story, I can’t remember why on earth I wanted to own it or what I thought it meant.

Possible flashbacks:

Whatever it was, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t thinking of STDs., which is definitely how I read it now.

Apparently, I had terrible judgment as a child.


  1. Ha! I wonder about 95 percent of the things I had or did as a kid, but I'm not sure if there was anything blatantly sexual that I can recall. Although we had a friend named "Jim" that went by "Jizz" and I didn't realize that was a bad thing until I was a little bit older. WTF, Jim?

  2. It had to be the "test" part of it. Were you independently wealthy or were your parents buying/allowing you to buy filthy things because they knew your ignorance was hilarious?

  3. I try to keep everything from my childhood vaulted in my brain. Anytime something creeps up, I just shove it back down. It's better that way. Otherwise I'd never interact with another human being. I'd live in a constant state of "ungh".

  4. Didn't your parents monitor anything you did? Mine didn't. I was the youngest of six and they were tired of kids.


  5. I seem to recall a friend of mine and I running around with our fingers pointing out from our heads pretending they were horns and yelling "I'm horny!". That probably got the adults giggling a lot. Last summer.