So, you wanna hear an embarrassing story from childhood? Yes, yes you do.
Well, I was a sassy little middle schooler.
As we’ve already established, I was also a vegetarian bad ass. And I liked irony. So when I saw a magnet that said SAVE A TREE, EAT BEAVER, I had to buy it.
It was funny to me, because I’m a vegetarian and I’d never eat an animal over a plant, and yet that’s what the magnet was telling you to do. My logic was this:
So, I kept it in my locker for three years in middle school. Then I brought it home when I graduated, and stuck it on our refrigerator. Where it stayed. For about four years.
Guys, I’m just gonna let that sink in for a minute. Every single day, my mom, dad, sister, and I walked by a magnet on our fridge that said “Save a Tree, Eat Beaver.”
Finally, one day in high school, I heard a teacher yell at a student who was wearing a t shirt that had a picture of a “shaved beaver” on it (the animal, pervs). He made the kid turn the shirt inside out, and I finally got a clue as to what a “beaver” could possibly refer to. But by that time, I had forgotten about the magnet.
A few months later, I was looking at the fridge and I finally noticed the magnet. Like, really noticed it.
I was mortified. Did anyone in my family know what it meant? Or any of the friends who came by? Especially my sister’s – they were four years older than I was. Or my parents friends – did any of them see it and wonder why there was references to oral lady sex on the fridge!!? I promptly took it down and put it in a drawer in my room where it started throughout college.
I found it a few weeks ago and decided, “Fuck it, I’m an adult now.” And I brought it to my apartment and stuck it on my fridge. Because I’m still a little bit of a bad ass.
Obvi, I’m going to hide it when my mom comes to visit.