Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Magnet Story Again: Save a Tree, Eat Beaver



So, you wanna hear an embarrassing story from childhood? Yes, yes you do.

Well, I was a sassy little middle schooler.

 As we’ve already established, I was also a vegetarian bad ass. And I liked irony. So when I saw a magnet that said SAVE A TREE, EAT BEAVER, I had to buy it.



It was funny to me, because I’m a vegetarian and I’d never eat an animal over a plant, and yet that’s what the magnet was telling you to do.  My logic was this:


So, I kept it in my locker for three years in middle school. Then I brought it home when I graduated, and stuck it on our refrigerator. Where it stayed. For about four years. 

Guys, I’m just gonna let that sink in for a minute. Every single day, my mom, dad, sister, and I walked by a magnet on our fridge that said “Save a Tree, Eat Beaver.” 

......

Yep.


Finally, one day in high school, I heard a teacher yell at a student who was wearing a t shirt that had a picture of a “shaved beaver” on it (the animal, pervs). He made the kid turn the shirt inside out, and I finally got a clue as to what a “beaver” could possibly refer to. But by that time, I had forgotten about the magnet.

A few months later, I was looking at the fridge and I finally noticed the magnet. Like, really noticed it.





I was mortified. Did anyone in my family know what it meant? Or any of the friends who came by? Especially my sister’s – they were four years older than I was. Or my parents friends – did any of them see it and wonder why there was references to oral lady sex on the fridge!!? I promptly took it down and put it in a drawer in my room where it started throughout college.

I found it a few weeks ago and decided, “Fuck it, I’m an adult now.” And I brought it to my apartment and stuck it on my fridge. Because I’m still a little bit of a bad ass.


Obvi, I’m going to hide it when my mom comes to visit.

48 comments:

  1. I'd say it took a little while for that to register! I hope you didn't actually eat a real beaver!

    But at least now you know what it means!

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  2. A bit sheltered in childhood perhaps? Thanks for making me laugh this a.m.

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  3. haaha. I never knew that. Atleast for you it is childhood embarassming moment.
    I once sent a mail saying "shooting blanks" to refer to the loose cannon type of analysis by a dumbass. When I knew what it actually meant, I wished I was in middleeast and was allowed to wear burqua.

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  4. Did your parents openly laugh in your face or did they just laugh out of earshot?
    I had a similar experience. Growing up, whenever we drove somewhere on the freeway we'd pass a strip club that had a beaver painted on the side. As an 8 year old I said, "hey, look at the beaver." And my mom was adamant, "That's not a beaver, it's an otter." "No, mom, it's a beaver." "IT'S AN OTTER!" Argument over. We laugh about that conversation to this day.

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    1. Hahah, I never actually addressed it with my parents. And never will. Too embarrassing. I'd like to think they're naive old people.

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    2. Actually, let me clarify: my mom is naive, and my dad doesn't read things that are right in front of him (like magnets)

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  5. Good lord. There were so many things like that I had no clue about until, well, probably college. I remember they called a kid named Jimmy "Jizz" and I had no idea what it meant, meaning I thought all "Jimmys" had the nickname "Jizz." Yeah. That went over well.

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  6. That is pee your pants funny! I can't believe it took that long for you to figure out what it really meant. That was one of the guys favorite things to say in our high school...early on. I must have gone to school with a lot pervier guys than you did ;-)

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  7. aawwwhhhh that's cute and funny. This OK tho I heard two people sort of fighting in the room above me...well I thought it was fighting turns out they had sex...ahem

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  8. A) you are not a bad ass in any way.
    B) apparently beaver, the animal, tastes very good and you eat the tail, too. It also has a gland (castor gland) that emits a very sweet smell that was used in perfumes and things. Worth more than the pelt. Oh yeah, Boyfriend bringing knowledge to the people (that they don't need or want) :-(
    C) I think Poke the Rock lives next door to you.

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    1. I'm TOTES a bad ass, dear. And you're super smart. Is beaver perfume still available?!?

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  9. There is nothing to do but laugh at this post and marvel at the accuracy in which you drew the actual magnet! Bravo!!

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  10. Man.... your parents must have thought that you were really damn mature for your age and probably gave very odd looks to every boy you ever brought home.

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  11. I didn't get the magnet at first either...until you explained it!

    hahahaha Wowww, that's hysterical!

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  12. What does it say about my upbringing if I would have snickered at that button at that age? Maybe the stash of Playboy under my parents bed is to blame...most likely. Thanks for making my day!

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  13. Ha! The college I did my undergraduate at was nicknamed the Beavers. What's worse is that the women's sports teams were called The Lady Beavers. Oh the jokes I've endured. Oh, and in my hometown there is a liquor store called Beaver's Liquor, but people switch that around and say, "Liquor Beaver." Say that out loud slowly. I love beaver jokes.

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    1. HAHA! I get it! I would not have, a few years ago...

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  14. Sweet Jesus, I didn't get the magnet until you explain what it was. *sigh*

    Great post today, Gia. This one's epic.

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  15. This cracked me up. I grew up during the horrid "valley girl speak" era. People actually said, "Gag me with a spoon." It was frightening. Well, the gal next door had a bumper sticker that said, "Gag me with a <3 on." It had a big red heart. I had no clue what it meant. At the dinner table one night as my brother yelled out, "Choke me with a fork" I exclaimed, "Gag me with a heart (hard) on!" Well, needless to say the whole table froze, and then erupted in to laughter as they realized I had no idea what I'd just said.

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    1. Haha! That is also mortifying to me. I probably wouldn't have been able to draw pictures for that story, though...

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  16. hahaha irony! impressive that you grasped irony so well at middle school age.

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  17. You has a great article. I'm very interesting to stopping here and leaves you a comment. Good work.

    Lets keep writing and share to us and other.

    Nb: Dont forget to leave your comment back for us.

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  18. I did the same thing! In high school I was obsessed with trees for about 7 months. IDK why, it was just my thing. And I saw that magnet when I was in Spencer's with one of my friends. I picked it up and I giggled and showed my friend. We thought it was hilarious and strange. Years later it clicked for me. Man, the shame.

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  19. I immediately though, "LOLOL BEAVER" because I have an amazing maturity level. I just keep imagining some kids, or perhaps a teacher, spotting your beaver magnet inside of you locker. AMAZING.

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  20. That's awesome! As one whose maturity never fully reached its peak, I giggled at this from the start. Your family sounds a lot like mine. They never notice anything. Hell, my mom still hasn't noticed that my wife pierced her lip... um... 9 months ago, now?

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  21. THAT is hilarious. I love that you went so long not knowing what it meant. And I love that you still have it up. Don't hide it - display your beaver proudly!

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  22. Never really thought about the connection until now... I must admit, that's pretty funny.

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  23. I don't think many noticed the magnet's true meaning. It took me awhile to register it in my head. About 2 sentences before the shirt part did I get where this was headed.

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  24. I knew what it meant. But, then again, I was a snot-nosed junior high school BOY (and, from what I've been told, boy pigs grow up to be man pigs).
    A college near where I live relatively recently changed its name from "Beaver College" to "Arcadia University."
    Trust me, it had NOTHING to do with the fact that its status changed from "college" to a "university."
    Oink.

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  25. That was so funny! I love that it took years and that your family never noticed/said anything :D Now you're just so grown up.

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  26. "I’m going to hide it when my mom comes to visit."

    adult you say ;) thanks, that really made me laugh.x

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  27. AH-MAZE-ING.

    I'm seriously envious. I want that magnet.

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  28. Our not supposed to know what that means when your a kid. Maybe in HS? I don't know. I was pretty innocent.

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  29. This is clearly an "Oh god why?" moment. :P

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  30. That is absolutely remarkable. I wish I could one up you. I....... CANT. Brilliant.

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  31. This is pretty much the best magnet ever.

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  32. Good thing it didn't say, "Save a tree. Eat a pussy... cat."

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  33. So this reminds me of how niave my mother is. She used to run our churchs youth group and after I left for college she started dividing the yourh into team with names and mascots they got to choose. On day she says to me "I need a picture of a bearded clam for one of the youth group teams" I Smirked and replied "sure mom, but I don't think you reallly want one.' She told the young men to change the name.

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  34. Came here from your link on Mommy Wants Vodka, and now I am cracking up. Thanks for making my morning so fun.

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  35. How is it even possible that neither your parents nor your sister ever say anything about this?

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  36. Bahahahaha! I freakin' love this post! Eat beaver...bahahahaha! I'm such a damn juvenile. Now I want that magnet too!

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  37. BAHAHAHA. I don't know how I missed this post, but I love it.

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  38. Love it! That reminds me... I had much older siblings so as a kid I got to see movies I probably should't have, like "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest". One day, at about age 6, I quoted a line from the movie to my extended family at a dinner bday party, "I'm hot to trot. Next woman to take me on's gonna light up like a pinball machine and pay off in silver dollars." The resulting silence and horror probably explains why I still remember this, verbatim, today. :D

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  39. Hahahaha!!! Your sister's friends probably thought your parents were the coolest ever. I love your blushing picture!

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