Friday, January 3, 2014

Year in Review (Kind of, Not Really)

So. I was going to figure out my top 5 posts of this year and put links to them here, but I realize it's annoying to click a bunch of links. I then decided to repost my most popular post of 2013. But technically, that's student loans are bullshit, and while it's definitely one of my favorites, I don't want to repost it (a lot of people left personal comments and I didn't want to feel like I was wiping em out but putting up the post again, if that makes any sense). So here's my second most popular post of 2013: The Story of Leviticus!
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Because I haven’t been blasphemous in awhile.

This is Leviticus.

And this is his hot wife, Mrs Leviticus.
Nobody tell me their names weren't really Leviticus. I don't want to hear your nonsense.
They had a pretty normal marriage...



Except for the fact that God spoke to Leviticus and gave him a bunch of rules, which Leviticus had the duty to share. He absolutely was not making them up as he went along.




Despite Leviticus' constant rule-making, Mrs. Leviticus was a pretty good wife. 

Note: I don't know what crabcakes look like.







In case you're not getting this, Leviticus was a bit of a dick.




God always made rules at the most convenient times for Levi.





Mrs. Leviticus was no fool, and was getting pretty tired of his shenanigans.





So Mrs. Leviticus’ brother, Samuel, visited. They didn’t have a guest room because every time Mrs. Leviticus asked Leviticus to work on it, he said he didn’t have time because he needed to rest on the Sabbath. So they only had one bedroom, and one big bed.





That was the last straw for Mrs. Leviticus.


God is a cloud, remember?
And Leviticus never made up another bullshit rule from God again.



Those *WHO trim their beards, damnit

The End!

8 comments:

  1. Wouldn't it make more sense to post your least popular post to drive up traffic? Or is doubling down on a popular post a way to drive up overall site clicks? I'm not sure how this self promotion thing works, which is why I toil in obscurity.
    I may have said this the last time, but damn, Leviticus is coo-coo bananas. There had to be some historical context for the weird mixed fabrics rule. And the fact that hyper-religious people don't follow half of these rules but selectively single out being gay as a "sin" is irrefutable proof that homophobia is b.s.

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    1. In my limited understanding, there are two possible contexts for Leviticus...it was either written for the Jewish diaspora in exile or for Jews as they returned to Isreal form exile. Most likely it was pieced together over both periods. In either case the intent is to protect or reiterate Jewish culture and identity in exile or as they reestablish self governance.

      As for cherry picking the Bible these laws are part of the Siniatic or Mosaic Covenant...which most Christians believe was replaced by a New Covenant through Jesus. Even denominations that use Leviticus to enforce dress codes don't sacrifice goats...so far as I know :). It's not even clear that Jews outside of these historic circumstances are held to it...that's well beyond my knowledge though.

      Just as an aside...Football's are not actually made out of pig skin. Ha.

      Happy New Year Everybody.

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  2. I don't know what EFB above is saying, but this post is funnier than shit...even the second time around!

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  3. I know what EFB is talking about, but I refuse to acknowledge the truth when I can enjoy something that's invented. I would like a Bible post about all the men who have names but their wives are referred to as their wives. Noah is Noah, but what's his wife's name? I know his sons' names, but what about their wives? Why do Ruth and Naomi have names, but a bunch of other women don't? You are my favorite Biblical scholar, and I have a feeling you can answer all my questions. Because God told me you can.

    Love,
    Janie

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  4. Ha ha, I knew there had to be a reason for all that ridiculousness! My mom tried to use the no tattoo thing on me when I got a tattoo, but fortunately I was able to throw the mixed fabric thing at her. God, it makes me so mad when people do that! This was a great one :)

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    1. The Old Testament also says you should kill your children when they misbehave. Drives me crazy that people pick and choose rules to follow. I say, Go ahead and kill the little brats at the same time you stick it to gay people. Follow all the rules!

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  5. Whatever the event may be, its time for a bowl of ice cream.
    jeux aventure

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  6. Gia, you are 100% my go to guide for all bible stories! x

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