Futon of Death

Yesterday, I mentioned that I have a horribly uncomfortable futon. I bought it for $20 at a garage sale, so it'll do for now. But it is NOT fun and Boyfriend does NOT like it. How bad is it, you ask? Well, Popsicle and Allie are doing just fine on it:

Allie: I LOVE CUDDLING!

Popsicle: Yeah yeah. Gia, when are you getting cable?

Me: Sigh, sore subject Popsicle. Not for awhile. How's the futon?

Popsicle: Good enough. But I'm a bear so....low standards.

Allie: HEY!

Popsicle: Not you, dear.

Allie: Okay.

Popsicle: Although....

Allie: HEY!!

Me: So it's not bad?

Popsicle: No...but I'd sleep on an iceberg. 

It is not quite up to Miss Priscilla's standards:

Miss Priscilla: You have to be kidding me with this shit.

Me: Wow.

Miss Priscilla: I DESERVE A BED OF PILLOWS AND FLUFFY THINGS!

Me: This ain't it?

Miss Priscilla: It's like sitting on a brick covered by a blanket. I wouldn't use this for a litter box!

Me: Please don't poo on my futon.

Miss Priscilla: Honestly, it'd probably be an improvement.

Awards, Announcements, and Other Things

So. I have some things going on right now. First of which is the fact that I moved (yay!) but I do not have reliable internet for oh three weeks.

Secondly, I’ve been given the opportunity to possibly do some freelancing. Sadly, that means more work for me, but also more money. So I won’t have to choose which bills to pay any given month.

I shall request to be paid in singles.

This isn’t definite yet (I still have to interview, so I’ll probably eff it up). But I’m really excited by the prospect of buying a futon that doesn’t physically pain Boyfriend.

Thirdly, it’s summer. Which means I like being outside. Even though it means this:

And from reading your blogs, I know that lots of you are doing interesting summery things right now.  (Also, I hope that’s why my pageviews have dipped as of late and you’re not bored with me…please?)

So, what does this mean for the blog? I’m switching to a summer posting schedule. What’s that, you ask? Well, I just made it up. It means that you’ll be getting 2-3 posts from me a week instead of 4-5. I’m thinking I’ll try to keep to a MWF blogging schedule, but no promises. It won't be that traumatic, I promise. And if you're newish and love me and want more, I strongly recommend checking out the archive as well as some of my top posts on the sidebar ---->

Okay, that was the announcement part. Now for the awards! I’ve been freaking terrible at passing on awards over the last few months. And it’s not because I don’t appreciate them (I very much do), it’s because I’m lazy. Anyway, I’d like to thank the following:

Ach Du Lieber, Jayne!  and My Baffling Brain for the Kreativ Blogger Award:

Following the Masala for the Liebster Award:

Attracted to Shiny Things  and Muppets for Justice for the Versatile Blogger Award:

Bat Crap Crazy for the Tell Me About Yourself Award:

And Miss Priscilla Petunia Puffington III would like to give some away.

She's very excited.

Miss Priscilla: I thought you forgot about me!

Me: Of course not. I haven’t forgotten about you or Popsicle or Allie or Ducky or any of you.

Miss Priscilla: You LEFT ME IN A BOX.

Me: I already explained that. I was moving.

Miss Priscilla: Sniff. It was cardboard.

Me: Don’t cats love those?

Miss Priscilla: Not the point. Next time, I shall require a platinum diamond-encrusted kitty carrier.

Me: Sure sure.

Miss Priscilla: And if you start freelancing, I shall be expecting caviar.

Me: That’s top of my list, Miss Priscilla.

Miss Priscilla: Good! Wait, are you being sarcastic to me?

Me: Look, can you give these awards away puhleeeze?!

Miss Priscilla: Fine! I shall bestow these awards on the following blogs:

Liebster Blog Award -  A Touch of Embellishment 

Kreativ Blogger -  The Pish Posh  and Abby Has Issues and Texts From Dog

Versatile Blogger -   Jen E Sais Quoi and Crazy Tragic Almost Magic 

Tell me About Yourself Award -  Kat O' Nine Tales

Me: Would you like to explain why?

Miss Priscilla: I would not.

Me: Well, I know that A Touch of Embellishment is a hilarious illustrated blog. The Pish Posh is full o’ funny and she does drawings as well. Abby Has Issues reminds me of myself so much sometimes it's creepy. Jen E Sais Quoi is also all about the hilarity, especially when she blogs about random shit she and her friends say. Texts from Dog isn’t exactly a blog, but I love me some talking animals. Kat O Nine Tales – how can you not love someone who creates “Writes like a Slut” tshirts? And Crazy Tragic Almost Magic – very awesome blog. One of the first I followed.

Miss Priscilla: That’s nice. You don’t have any of those cardboard boxes lying around still, do you?

Boyfriend is Still Sad and it Distresses Me Greatly

[Linking up with yeahwrite!]

Remember when Boyfriend was sad? Well, he’s a tiny bit better, but as the title indicates, he’s still sad. I don’t like it at all.

  

What’s wrong Boyfriend? Is it that work is still hellish and you’re still getting bitched at from a bunch of people?

  

Is it that your kids are having some tiiiny behavioral issues that you’re trying to nip in the bud?

Is it that your dog makes sure you get up at 5 am and you’re tired all the time because you’re not getting enough sleep?

Is it ME?!?

Are you SUUUUUUURE?!?

Okay. Fine. So…it’s…not….how do I say this…. Gia-related?

Sorry, honey.

Oh thank goodness!!! It's not me!

Nothing.

Boyfriend plays golf. He’s actually pretty good, from what I understand. I don’t understand much about golf, but yeah. For the past few weeks, he’s been slicing his swing. Or something like that. I don’t know exactly what it’s called, but he’s been messing up one part of his game and he can’t correct it and it makes him super upset.

It’s rough. He still has all these other stressy things going on, but this one really messes him up. Luckily, I told Boyfriend I could fix it. 

 Well, this seems like a job for... dundundunnnn....

TMI? Sorry? But not really.

So, I think I fixed him. Not sure, we’ll have to wait til he plays again. But  yeah. If it didn’t work, I’ll just have to try again.

Boyfriend is My Hero

So, I moved! YAAAAY! It was stressful (as all moves are), but I’m super happy to be in my new apartment. I’ll post more about it later. Right now, I’m having an issue.

A few weeks ago, I made an appointment for the cable/internet company to come hook me up the Tuesday after I moved – so I’d only be without internet for a day or so. Which is good, because not having internet makes me shaky.

So, whilst I was mid move, I got a phone call. You may see where this is going.

That’s right, I’m not getting the cable/internet I ordered for THREE WEEKS.

Horrible, right?! Like seriously, wtf am I supposed to do. I can live without tv, but NOT internet.  I’d seriously have to set up shop in a café after work every day.

Anyway, Boyfriend came over on Monday to check out the new place and talk me down from this internet issue. I showed him that all of my untrusting neighbors had password protected their connections.

People these days! No one trusts anyone.

[In case you’re wondering, yes, I will be password protecting my internet connection. I pay a lot of money for it! Shut up.]

The only unpassword protected accounts were the “hotspots” and I didn’t have an account with any of them.

And then he went from this:

To this:

WOOOHOOOO! So, I have shaky internet access. Really shaky. Like, I can’t stream videos in my bedroom, but I can do it from the living room.

In Bedroom

Yeah, we’re watching game of thrones.

In living room.

It still froze a few times. Boyfriend and I are gonna have to watch a lot of redbox for the next few weeks.

So, yeah. Better than nothing. If I’m not commenting as much on your blog (or posting as much), don’t be offended/upset. The internet periodically craps out completely, and then I’ll get shaky connections only in certain places in my apartment.  As I was trying to put this up, I had to switch rooms twice. The universe is trying to test my patience. It’s not going great.

In Another Episode of Weird Pictures that Have No Context...

Remember Pigletta? And Bear-a-rina? 

If I was giving someone an elephant as a present, I would put a giant bow on her. Also, her name is Ellie.

MOVING DAY!

Hi all! I'm moving today, and I don't get internet installed until tomorrow. It's possible I'll be able to steal the neighbor's internet. But if not, I'll hopefully be hooked up tomorrow!

Embarrassing Things About Myself: Sunrash

Linking up with yeahwrite! I know I'm early this week, but I'll be offline moving all weekend...]

Hi all. You know what I thought would be fun? If I were to share embarrassing things about myself.

Imaginary Reader: You already do that! Remember how needy and insecure you get?

Hey hey hey, screw YOU. This is different.

Imaginary Reader: How?!

It just is.

Anyways! So it’s finally May. Which means springtime and nice weather and bright shining sunshine.

Mr. Sun is gonna fuck you up.

Unfortunately, I have this embarrassing reaction to the sun. See, I don’t just burn (but I mean, I do burn. I totally burn.) I also get this weird itchy sunrash every spring. It goes away after a few times in the sun, but it’s annoying and looks kind of like poison ivy.

Normal Arm:

My arm:

Imaginary Reader: That’s not a real thing.

Actually asshole, it is. See here  and here. I’m allergic to the sun y’all.

I heard that you can grow out of it, so every year I hope for the best. And every year I go out in the sun and transform:

Of course, this year I saw Boyfriend the next day. He was not sympathetic.

Uncool, Boyfriend.

Hey you know what’s hard? Packing.

Also, I'm not so good at labeling.

Attic Squeaking

So, I’m moving this weekend, away from craptastic apartment with all its problems. Of course, the apartment has to get me one more time before I go. Now, it’s this squeaking noise I hear by my closet, where the door to the attic is.

  

I’ve decided it must be one of the following:

1. Filled with mice

2. Filled with rats

They look like bigger mice, right?

3. Shoddy piping

...I wouldn't be able to see that.

4. Filled with birds

Argh. Birds and their motherfucking chirping.

5. Filled with bats. Do bats squeak?

I think they do. 

6. Filled with demons

 Assholes. 

That last one seems more likely. Boyfriend told me to open the closet door. I said NO FUCKING WAY until all my stuff is out of the closet and I have running shoes on and a baseball bat to beat away all the things that could come attack me. Shudder.