Wednesday, April 11, 2012

I’m Looking Forward to Living Alone


So, as we’ve discussed, I found a new apartment and am moving out next month. Yaaaay!! What are some things I’m looking forward to? Let’s see:

1. Not dealing with this on Saturday morning:




Yes, I went back to bed. But, seriously? No. Call a cab.

2. Not finding empty boxes of food in my cabinets.



Seriously, I’ve given up on having any kind of yummy snacks in my cabinets until I move. It’s not worth the anger stroke I experience when I look for them and they’re gone.

3. Not having this happen at 3am:



I finally got out of bed and opened the front door and saw this:



I’m not even saying she’s the worst roommate in the world or anything, because in a lot of ways she’s fine. I think we’re friends, technically. But she’s a college student and HOLY SHIT DO I WANT TO BE LEFT THE HELL ALONE.

Whew. Only another few weeks until the move. But I’m sure you guys all have tons of bad roommate stories, right?

52 comments:

  1. My former house mate would come home drunk and come in my room to sleep on the floor, or feed me plums...or fall asleep in my bed and then ask me in the morning what I am doing here??????

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  2. I had a roommate who would routinely leave the front or back door wide open, with her keys on the outside, even when she wasn't drunk. She was just so forgetful that she'd forget to take her keys out of the door and shut it.

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  3. It's next to impossible to live with someone in a different stage in their life than you. I had a roommate who bought a bunk-bed (he had his own room) didn't assemble it for two weeks, then assembled the top bunk and slept in the frame of the bottom bunk on the ground for a month. Still the best roommate I ever had.

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  4. Claims of broken keys? Missing food?

    I should count myself lucky that my French roomies actually respected each other...

    Seriously, though, "my keys are broken?" REALLY?

    -Barb the French Bean

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  5. I moved to Detroit for six months one summer about seven years ago and lived with a boy (JUST a friend.) I will never have a roommate again, and not just because he didn't own a dish or fork (plastic and paper for takeout) or was addicted to painkillers and once puked in the sink. I just need. my. space. Never again, I say!

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  6. OMG this one roommate would drink all of the Tequila then drunk-eat all of the chocolate and pass out on the living room couch. Oh wait, that was me doing it to myself since I lived solo.

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  7. Ah so happy for you living alone, I loved it when I moved away from people that ate all my food and woke me up with (frankly a bit wierd)sex noises at 2am

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  8. Omg yes see my roommate from hell post. Do you remember that? UGH. Worst roommate ever. UGH. I vomit in my brain just thinking about it.

    You are going to have so fewer anger strokes your life is going to improve 10 fold!!

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  9. One of my roommates was this dude that sat at home getting high all day. He was on welfare because he 'didn't want to work for someone'. He'd eat all the food, dirty up all the dishes and then if I had the gall to make dinner and only wash what I used, he'd say "You're such a pig; you eat here three times a day and never clean up after yourself!". I nearly had an aneurysm.

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  10. I have plenty of Bad Roommate stories for you... Wait. Is it still considered a Bad Roommate Story if it's your ex-husband?

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  11. LOL love the illustrations. I never had roommates. I think it's either they drive me up the walls or i'll drive them away :D

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  12. I never had to deal with crappy roommates... I WAS the crappy roommate!

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  13. I suppose they all have the ability to irritate us.

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  14. Me and my best friend were roomates once. I almost had to stop being her friend. I won't say anything defamatory about her since she could read this. But damn. Living with people is AWFUL.

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  15. I love your sense of humor. As, I might be your oldest commenter, I lived in the era of marrying right out of high school (in the dark ages) therefore my sole room mate for the last 41 years has been the same guy. Not once has he had broken keys, drunk ate my snacks or asked me to drive him to his car. If he would of done any of those things, I might of laughed....or maybe not.

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  16. I had a roommate that would bring random guys home almost nightly...one of them tried hitting on me and my sister while the roommate was passed out drunk...good times.... I hope your move comes quickly!

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  17. I've never had a roommate! I guess that your's doesn't read this blog? The text message on Saturday morning is the worst!

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  18. We had a guy who considered a hangman's noose was appropriate wall art...that wasn't a good start.

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  19. I only had one and I was done! I don't like finding empty snack boxes or empty beer bottle cartons. Of course, now, I am married to a person who does this repeatedly. Hmmm...

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  20. Yeah, I had one of those eat all my food ones. But it wasn't because she was drunk, just a spoiled princess asshole that thought if there was food in the fridge, it was obviously hers for the taking. She didn't shop for food or give us money for it. She also didn't pay her rent, either. She was apparently confused and thought she was living with her parents. That relationship didn't last long, thankfully! But it left us with a massive debt for the rent she didn't pay for many many months that we ended up being responsible for. Ugh! Good luck with the move. It will be so peaceful to have your own place. :)

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  21. Not being able to sleep in, missing food, strange noises in the night. I have all that, but i can't move away, it's from my kids.

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  22. I absolutely love living alone. I loved my college roommates, but I love my privacy more.

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  23. In college, I think it is a cruel joke to place you with some rando and assume all will be well! Just from my freshman year, I know I will always want to have my own place. It's not that I don't get along with people it's the fact that I LOVE having time to myself and a clean dwelling. My stupid roommate used to leave my Brita dry, on the floor, in two pieces as well as change his contacts on my desk which left the awful saline solution to dry up and leave a questionable white film behind. Privacy is invaluable, congrats on living alone!

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  24. Oh the stories I could tell: the roommate who turned on all the lights when she got up at 6:00 am, even though I was still asleep. The roommate who thought it was okay to have sex with her boyfriend while I was sleeping in the same room. Not to say I was perfect; I'm a complete slob, so I'm sure I'm someone's nightmare story as well.

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  25. So this is me, ninja-commenting. I can't log in to Blogger because I'm at work so...

    Anyway, I've never had a roommate but I know how it feels because my brother is sort of like that. He eats all my food, dammit!

    Glad you'll be able to be on your own soon.

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  26. Does it count that we shared a house with a woman and her son during my first marriage? We were having a difficult time financially and paid her for two bedrooms and the sunporch where our oldest daughter slept - when people weren't using it as a short cut to the swimming pool in the backyard. When we moved out our pastor came to help and the "landlord's" son (who was the scuzziest of scuzzballs) threw a knife at him. Okay, not AT him, but near his head. Let's just say I wasn't sorry we were moving!

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  27. I shared a really shitty house with two other girls. There were holes to the outside world, so one of the roomies kept her 2 cats locked in her room 24/7. Those little bastards went insane!

    You'd walk by and see paws poking out from under the door, meows at all hours, and when we'd come in to visit they would climb you like you were their own personal jungle gym.

    Oh--and she would have to get them off with a q-tip when they were in heat.

    Yep.

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  28. When my hubby was in the Air Force, he rented a house with two other AF guys. One had his girlfriend stay with them for a little while. The girlfriend went out back for a smoke break at night and forgot to lock the back door. That night while they slept, someone "broke" into the house and stole their things, taking my husband's car keys and stealing everything out of his car. The roommate had renters insurance, so his things and his girlfriends things were paid for. My hubby and the other guy didn't. So, no apologies from the girlfriend who left the door unlocked. Instead she just said that they should have had renters insurance. She should have locked the damn door!

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  29. I'm sure I've been a horrific roommate - smoked when I was the only one who smoked, had sex while other people were around, needed everything to be clean.

    It's a wonder more people aren't out to get me.

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  30. I can definitely relate... I've had a few nightmare roommates, myself.

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  31. Mine's more of a bad-ex-husband story, but yeah, I can relate LOL

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  32. You poor dear. Having to live with a college student is tough. School does something to people, no matter their age. My friend went to grad school in her late twenties, and she became a drunk pain in my ass. I couldn't even stand myself while in college.

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  33. I never had a roommate since I got married when I was still living at home with my parents, but I can relate to wanting to be on your own and left alone (I have days like that with the hubby! ;))

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  34. I've never had a roommate -- just a husband. I'm happier living alone with my dogs.

    Love,
    Janie

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  35. Is it bad that I'm married and wish I could live alone?

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  36. Living with a college student? Wow, I guess you really ARE looking forward to living alone. Who could blame you?

    Good luck and congratulations.

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  37. The loveliest people in the world turn into nightmare roomies when there's too much alcohol involved.

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  38. Super hilarious! The only roommate I will ever have is subject to being grounded if he eats all of my snacks. ; )

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  39. Hilarious. I would kill a biatch if she ate my pop tarts. Good for you! Hope you enjoy it!!

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  40. I've had more bad roommates than I care to count. The decision to live alone and roommate-free was the best one I ever made.

    Then I got married and had to give up my solo living status. He doesn't eat my pop tarts though, so it's all good.

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  41. The joys of living alone!!! I can vouge for it...it's pretty amazing :)

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  42. My old roommate would piss in the corner of the room/in his wardrobe/on his bed when he came home drunk. He'd never remember doing so, and couldn't understand why he did it.

    I also lived with 3 boys once, none of them changed their bedsheets for 6 months - no word of a lie.

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  43. My first apartment was a 2 bedroom/1 bath with 7 other roomies. We all worked different shifts. Unfortunately only myself and 1 of the other roomies weren't partiers. That's 6 ppl who would constantly invite, what I could only figure, EVERY friend they had EVERY night. And they would all get wasted at our place. There were lots of broken glasses/dishes, puke, no access to the potty (yeah I call it the potty), never quiet enough to sleep. Oh and because the other roomies were always drunk or hungover, it was left to myself and the 1 decent roomie to do all the house work, clean up after them, cook, run errands, etc. And, yep, that included cleaning up after THEIR friends (and sometimes the friends themselves) when they would get sick. I always came home to ppl crashed out all over the floor. Like our carpet was made of ppl. Needless to say, good roomie and I didn't stay that long and it was a total relief when I got my own place. Now that I'm living with ppl again (not so bad this time) I'm missing that alone time again.

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  44. They ate your Pop-Tarts? That is completely unacceptable. My roommates ate some of my Pop-Tarts, too. Luckily, they weren't the last ones, or I'd have gone all ninja on them. I'm in the process of finding a new place to live as well.

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  45. Unless it means I have to sleep in a cardboard box if I DON'T, I don't ever ever want a roommate again. EVER

    Enjoy your peaceful alone living!! *fist pump*

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  46. Actually... I'm curious to know how the roommate take it when you told her you were moving out?

    Roomies from hell-
    In my early 20s I lived with 4 then-friends and they expected me to drive them everywhere because I had the only car.

    3 years ago I lived with 2 guys. One was amazing. One was a pain. He'd never take out the trash or buy TP or paper towels or do anything.

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  47. I'm laughing at your roommate but only because I don't live with her. Congrats on the new apartment!

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  48. One of the FIVE of my housemates NEVER flushes the toilet. I am thoroughly disgusted by this person.

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  49. Haha! Hilarious. I've mostly lived alone when I was single except one time when I had a friend move into the bedroom of my one-bedroom apartment (I took the living room). I still have nightmares of the night she was getting busy with her redneck, racist boyfriend and hearing the sounds that no friend should hear another friend make. UGH! Oh, and we're not friends anymore...hehe.

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  50. Oh my! This is hilarious. I was literally laughing out loud as I read the scenarios. And yeah, I think it’s time for you to move out and live alone peacefully.

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  51. I've had a million flatmates and a lot of them have been bad. Or at the very least had their bad moments. One's actions somehow resulted in the police wandering around inside my flat one night and giving another flatmate a terrible fright when she woke up to find them standing over her bed...

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  52. Amazingly enough my roommate and I get along great. That won't jinx it or anything . . .

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