I'm Baaaack!

It was nice to go to the beach for a week, but I'm happy to be home. There were things I missed. 

Yeah, it's pretty traumatic for me for everyone when I leave kitty. 

She's not a bitch; she's assertive. 

Yeah, Kitty had a few issues with the way she was treated this week. 

She's very particular about what food goes in what bowl

She's also very particular about belly petting

She's very particular about her window seat. Perhaps you're sensing a pattern here. 

I've humbly apologized to Kitty. I think she's on her way to forgiving me. 

VACATION! And a throwback.

Since I'm on vacation, here's an appropriate beachy throwback to keep you guys entertained.

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As I mentioned on Friday, my mom and I went to the beach this weekend. Here’s some random observations, brought to you through texts between me and Boyfriend.

Observation 1: I am not above stealing from a child.

Me: A girl has a pink inflatable dolphin. I want to steal it.

Boyfriend: I’m sure you can overpower her.

Me: Survival of the fittest. Sucks to be a five year old.

Don’t worry, I didn’t steal it. I was gonna punch her in the face and run away with it, but her stupid parents were totally hovering. I mean, who doesn’t let their five year old run around unattended next to a giant body of water?

Observation 2: My nose is entirely too big for my face.

It was a long day in the sun, okay? Some sunburn could not be entirely unexpected.

Me: My FACE!!!

Boyfriend: Killing me?

Me: No. You love it. Especially when its tomatoey.

“The blotchier the better.”

Seriously, I don’t know what happened. I wore sunscreen and I didn’t get burned anywhere but my face. Mainly, my nose.

Boyfriend: Jackass.

Me: MEEEE?!?!?!

I can’t help it my nose sticks out like dumbo

Wait

No

Well he’s an elephant so he had a big nose so that kind of works.

Boyfriend: I’m not talking to you tomato head.

Me: Who is a jackass?

Boyfriend: You.

Me: Awwwww.

I wore sunscreen I swear!

Observation 3: My vision still isn’t great.

Boyfriend: So many bats out tonight.

Me: Like me and my mom.

Yeah, I can't see for shit. 

Observation 4: Honeybadgers don’t care.

Me: Now we’re gonna bring wine to the pool even though the rules say not to cuz we’re bad asses

Boyfriend: Wear your leather jackets and sunglasses.

Yeah, it was pretty much like this.

Observation 5: It’s a palm tree.

Me:  Look. It’s a radioactive palm tree. Damn nuclear meltdown.

Boyfriend: Good thing you have those sunglasses.

And that was my weekend.

Bonus Observation: Damn, I look good in leather. 

Itchy

I sat down at my computer to blog about mosquito bites and drew this:

I've maybe used that line before...

And then I remembered I already wrote about mosquito bites a few years ago, so I decided to include that post too. Here you go!

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As we’ve discussed, I walk (and now fish) on the duck rape trail. It’s on the water, so there are lots of mosquitos.  And it’s summer, so I’m also suffering from sunrash.

For some reason, they really like me.

  

Like, seriously like me.

  

It’s bad. Boyfriend and I will take a walk and come back looking like this:

  

So I bought some heavy duty bug spray and used that before our walk.

  

And yet we come back like this:

  

These are some tough mosquitos.

  

The worst part is the morning after a walk, when I’m lying in bed relaxing. And all of a sudden I feel it. IT, you guys. The itch.  I can’t help it. I’m a scratcher. Remember Boyfriend and the eye poking? I have nails and I NEED to use them. I spend all day contorted into weird positions so I can get some good scratching it. Plus, the scratching makes the bites bigger and redder, until it looks like I have welts all over my legs. And like I said, it’s sunrash season. I end up looking like this:

Sadness.

Sigh, I suffer. Do you guys get all bit up? And if not, WHAT IS YOUR SECRET?!?!                                        

Chaos Kitty

On Saturday, I went to Boyfriend's house to hang out. We were sitting upstairs with the Doggo and one of his kitties (Milo), when this happened. 

It's not shocking that the other cat, Archer, would get into trouble. Boyfriend went downstairs to investigate. 

So then Doggo, Milo, and I rushed downstairs to see what the commotion was about. 

Yep. Archer was rampaging through the house with a real mouse squeaking away in his mouth. 

Boyfriend and I chased Archer around to try to get him outside, while Milo tried to investigate what exactly was happening and Doggo jumped in on the fun. Here's my artistic rendering of the event. I call it 'Chaos Kitty'

Yep. I'm thinking of getting a mural of this painted in my apartment. 

Anyway, we finally got it outside and Boyfriend put the mouse out of its misery (RIP). Archer spent the rest of the night preening. Doggo settled down fairly quickly, and Milo stayed confused about what happened. 

YAY NO WORK YAY

For those in the US: Happy Fourth of July to you and your pets, who may or may not believe that fireworks signal the end of the world.