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Friday, February 8, 2013

I’m Martha &#*$^@ Stewart!


Note: there is gratuitous use of the f bomb in this post.  You’re welcome.

Remember how I failed at baking awhile back?



Well, this weekend I KICKED BAKING’S ASS! First I made a quiche. Excuse me, I mean I made a MOTHERFUCKING QUICHE!


Check it out:

While baking 


BOOM! Delicious.

Then, I made brownies!


Well okay, they were from a box. But unlike the last couple of times, I did NOT fuck them up!!


BOOM! Boyfriend ate them. 

Tastes like victory.
Yeah! I also cooked some motherfucking QUINOA!


Pretty fucking fancy
Yeah! I’m pretty much Martha Fucking Stewart at this point. I’m fairly certain I should get some kind of prize for this.



I’m so proud of myself. After I put together my trivet, I will be unstoppable.

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24 comments:

  1. StephanieFebruary 8, 2013 at 7:38 AM

    Quinoa? What are you, some kind of motherfucking hippie? (I'll send you a fool-proof - fool-proof for real, because it's un-mess-up-able - brownie recipe via twitter.)

    ReplyDelete
  2. NikkiFebruary 8, 2013 at 7:55 AM

    I can't wait to have a wknd off to bake at new bf's house to show him how freaking awesome I am at other things other then bedroom activities! Then he will know why he is sooo lucky to have moi!

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  3. CharlotteFebruary 8, 2013 at 8:22 AM

    haha, I love this. I fail so bad at baking. I'm just so awful at it.. I get all excited and pumped to do something AMAZING(!!!) and then I put them in the oven and either forget about them or get bored when they come out and dont bother finishing them

    Domestic goddess i am not

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  4. AnonymousFebruary 8, 2013 at 9:16 AM

    This past weekend, I made creamy potatoes au gratin. From scratch. As in, I sliced up REAL potatoes, shredded REAL cheese, and baked it all together with other REAL ingredients . . . and it was actually edible when it came out of the oven. Some might have even said it was delicious. Although, I didn't make brownies or quinoa. So, I'm assuming that's probably a picture of ME up there as #3? I'm cool with that. :)

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  5. AnonymousFebruary 8, 2013 at 9:18 AM

    You deserve the gold medal. So happy to see Martha pushed aside, finally. Delightful.

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  6. JessicaFebruary 8, 2013 at 9:25 AM

    I refuse to bake anymore until we buy a house. My kitchen is a closet with an oven in it. :(

    ReplyDelete
  7. BeckyFebruary 8, 2013 at 9:57 AM

    Go Gia! I love me some quiche *ahem* Motherfuckin Quiche and brownies! :-)Quinoa is awesome too.

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  8. TriGirlFebruary 8, 2013 at 10:36 AM

    Look at you with your bad baking self! I love your apron :D

    ReplyDelete
  9. lumdog2012February 8, 2013 at 12:18 PM

    This is a mother fucking cool piece, though I hate the use of fucking gratuitous expletives and f bombs! Despite this, I fucking enjoyed reading this and I fucking love the art work! Btw, does your boyfriend need a shave or is that brownie on his face? PS. I tried to comment through Twitter and failed so two comments from me may show up.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Janie JunebugFebruary 8, 2013 at 1:39 PM

    Congratulations! I am fucking thrilled that you are a fucking success and praise God someone has bested Martha motherfucking Stewart.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousFebruary 8, 2013 at 2:31 PM

    Shaming Martha Stewart, success!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Your Doctor's WifeFebruary 8, 2013 at 4:09 PM

    Quinoa??? You are a funking gourmet!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. SabrinaFebruary 8, 2013 at 4:10 PM

    Can you come to my house and make some motherfucking quinoa? Every time I'm like HEY QUINOA YOU BITCH IMMA COOK YOU - she's all like - OMG THAT'S SO FUNNY SABRINA, JUST OPEN YOUR GODDAMN DOMINOS PIZZA TRACKER ALREADY.

    ReplyDelete
  14. PickleopeFebruary 8, 2013 at 4:54 PM

    I haven't heard this much cursing in conjunction with baking since the homeless woman in the park was raving about her skills using restaurant dumpster food, "look at this fuggin half eaten burge. You take some of this pizza, wrap it around this fuggin burger an god damn presto, bitches, I'm a Pizza fuckin Hut prodigy! Now gimme dem beans an that malnourished dog a yours an I'll Everyday Italian that motherfucker."
    It may have been Giada for all I know.

    ReplyDelete
  15. bluzdudeFebruary 8, 2013 at 7:02 PM

    What's going on, is Samuel L Jackson ghosting your blog?

    On a related note, I have a favorite button that says, "Obscenity is the crutch of the inarticulate motherfucker."

    ReplyDelete
  16. JJFebruary 9, 2013 at 1:37 AM

    the quiche looks so good Martha Stewart would be jealous!

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  17. MemphisFebruary 9, 2013 at 1:45 AM

    Martha fucking Stewart hell. You're Julia Fucking Childs now. Martha Stewart is a fucking amateur compared to Julie fucking Childs. Fuck yeah!

    ReplyDelete
  18. DWeiFebruary 9, 2013 at 3:38 AM

    I'd eat all of that except the quinoa. I hate that stuff. ._.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Quimsical AudectodesFebruary 9, 2013 at 4:32 PM

    I was quite a baking-king this weekend. I made 48 mini-pumpkin cupcakes with nutella frosting. ERMAGERD.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Vapid VixenFebruary 9, 2013 at 11:04 PM

    Victory is mother fucking yours!!!!! I made a quiche for an ex-boyfriend once. He ate half of it before letting me know he was lactose intolerant. I nearly killed him.

    Kinda wish it had...

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  21. T. Roger ThomasFebruary 9, 2013 at 11:29 PM

    Good fucking job!

    ReplyDelete
  22. Poke The RockFebruary 11, 2013 at 3:59 AM

    what the hell is quiona?

    ReplyDelete
  23. handflapperFebruary 12, 2013 at 12:00 AM

    That quiche looks pretty motherfucking delicious.

    ReplyDelete
  24. AnonymousFebruary 17, 2013 at 10:43 AM

    Feeling a little Samuel L. today are we? I freaking love quinoa! And quiche. YUM! I still need to try my hand at making that? Hard? Cake??

    ReplyDelete

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