Monday, September 10, 2012

Mayor Gia's Ark Story


[Linking up with yeahwrite and the speakeasy!]

Time for another Bible Story, Mayor Gia style! Today, I'll be telling you the story of Noah's Ark.

One day, God-cloud decided to speak to Noah-Boyfriend.





Noah told his wife, Mrs. Noah.



So then Noah built the ark. Mrs. Noah was very encouraging.

She started blagging outside.

Finally, the ark was built, and it was time. Noah just knew it.


Noah gathered up two of every animal, and off they went.


On the ark…




Noah had to deal with some animal issues, of course.


So awkward.



here
Anyhoo, finally it stopped raining... 

... and the animals got to leave the ark. God had a quick pow-wow with Noah.



Mrs. Noah was just relieved to be on solid land again.




And that’s why there’s no more unicorns anymore. 

64 comments:

  1. Can we like go back in time because I really want a pet dinosaur. Save at least the smallest pair. Please?

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  2. This is such a good story with a wonderfully logical explanation of why there are no unicorns. I've always wondered about that. Thanks for blagging it.

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  3. Gia,
    YOU were supposed to remember the unicorns!

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  4. Another great installment. I love the way Noah's holding his saw while he's building the ark. I always hold my saw like that. And I've only stabbed myself in the face 3 times, too!

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  5. I need to know why Noah thought it was a good idea to include mosquitoes. I have a bone to pick with him.

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  6. I had no idea that cloud god was such a trash talker! Guess you learn something new every day!

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  7. So THAT's the origin of duck rape. Also, I'm pretty sure this is the plot of the pending Noah movie starring Russel Crowe.

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  8. HAHAHAHAHA! I love the unicorns explanation. Makes perfect sense. Way to go Boyfriend-Noah!

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  9. I'm surprised the elephants didn't cause damage to the ark...I love your version of the story :)

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  10. Thank goodness I finally have the real truth to share with my girls as to why there are no more unicorns. I've just been making stuff up! ;-)

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  11. I am totally opposed to all forms of duck rape, legitimate or otherwise. So yeah I think it was pretty effed up of Noah to do that.

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  12. Oh my word! Sending this to my sister in law because she will love it! She sends me funny Noah's Ark You Tube videos. Hilarious!

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  13. This is why Santa makes a list and checks it twice.

    He doesn't want to fuck it up like Noah did...

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  14. "Are you kidding? I've seen Jurassic Park. I'm not getting stuck on a boat with them."

    PRICELESS. Your bible story renditions are hilarious! Can I put in a request for the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal? I'd love to see how you rendered that one. :D

    BURN THINGS WITH FIRE! lololol

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    1. Hmmm...I'd have to wikipedia that.

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  15. This is way better than church. Way better, dammit. They never talk about duck rape in church. WTF?

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  16. I love the "make it rain" response. Seriously awesome. Also, I'm very glad to see Allie's and Popsicle's ancestors front and centre on the ark.

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  17. HAHAHAHAHA?
    You think MD V is funny?
    That's what we call Dopiness 388.

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  18. My kids are OBSESSED with the story of Noah. I'm fighting every ounce of bad mothering to not show this to them.

    Perhaps next year?

    Awesomely perfect.

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  19. Okay. The bible stories are my favorite!!! Pretty much every frame has something in it that is my favorite.
    But if I had to choose one thing? It would be the blagging. Love it!

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  20. LMFAO!! I hereby give you all of my awards, my vote and my back to stand on! Mayor Gia I am moving to your city. Duck Rape. Omg! YES!! I just read this to my husband. funny!

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  21. I totally thought that he didn't bring the Unicorns because their horn sex would be louder and more bloody than elephant sex.

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  22. Another great bible story! Can't wait to see the next one.

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  23. HAHAHAHA! Absolutely fantastic. Every single picture had something I loved.

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  24. Nice. I knew there were too many holes in the original. Thanks for filling them in.

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  25. Girl, you have outdone yourself. My favorite is how the nose of the giraffe makes the cutest little smiley face. Also, the duck rape thing is off the charts. Well done.

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  26. This is spectacular. My favorite part is Noah's wife "blagging." I always wondered how this whole crazy online world of ours got started. Now I wonder no more.

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  27. Noooooo! Not the unicorns!!!!!

    Also---the elephant sex thing is hilarious. Like, snort Pepsi on the computer monitor hilarious. Bravo!

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  28. I love this! Blagging, duck, rape, elephant sex... That's the trifecta right there! Good on ya!

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  29. FINALLY! The unicorn mystery unwrapped! Haven't visited you for a while and it's good to be back. Hilarious stuff as usual.

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  30. So where did you store all the tapeworms, centipedes, and every other hideous insect known to the world? :P

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  31. Damn that Noah! Responsible for the extinction of unicorns AND duck rape!

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  32. I have always wanted to know what happened to unicorns. And dinosaurs. Thank you for enlightening me!! :) Hilarious.

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  33. SO Funny! Duck rape. Unicorns. Do over. And blagging?! Ha. Also just realized how close to blagging and blogging is blabbing. hmmm... is that what we do?? etch a sketch that please. :)

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  34. I'm surprised how many commented on the unicorn joke. That one is old as the hills. Or maybe I just hang out with the wrong kind of people? Loved the jokes about what went on while it was raining - although I feel very bad for the duck. The Jurassic Park reference was awesome.

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  35. This is hilarious!! Blagging, duck rape, and etch-a-sketch. You have a gift for the funny. I really loved this post, Gia.

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  36. I am with Dawn and Heidi et al. I love the Blagging. Hilarious. You are a gifted writing/drawer.

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  37. So funny! I'll never thinking of blogging as blogging again: it's blagging from now on!

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  38. It is wonderful to see that the truly important things in life were around back then blogging and annoying storm clouds being a couple. While I am left snorting at the thought of elephant sex and left hmmmming at the realization that no shit dinosaurs didn't make it to the arc I am left really wondering what the hell inspired a bible pair by Gia?! Loved it! Good to see that even in the day is ladies were happy to share with others!

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  39. I can't believe he forgot the unicorns. And the triceratops. We all know the triceratops were the nice dinosaurs. Geez.... Didn't he see The Land Before Time? Wait...maybe that's not a good example.

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    1. PS: What's the plural of triceratops? Triceratopses?

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  40. #DIES!!!!! Gia, you are something else!!!! LOOOOOOOOOOOOL :) Wow, thanks for the laughs this morning man. :)

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  41. You win for best blagger! Good thing you weren't forgotten

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  42. I really love this series, Gia! Not only did you manage to tie in duck rape, but I can just have my kids read this instead of going to church Sunday. Yay! No church for us! (dodges lightening bolt)

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  43. So many laughs! I loved the unicorn ending :)

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  44. Imagine a slow clap building to a crescendo. Nicely done! Ellen

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  45. Blagging it is! And elephant sex - love it! You are so talented! I'm still rooting for the story of Job next...

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  46. I had no idea this is where blogging/blagging came from. I should read the bible more often.

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  47. I'm loving these installments of the bible as it was meant to be blagged. .. er read. I love her prehistoric computer, too. God probably called it the toplap

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  48. The Mayor Gia Bible kicks The King James' version's assssss!

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  49. I should have known that's why there were no unicorns. Thanks for solving the mystery!

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  50. Ok, Gia - on panel 9 - what the heck is that little animal behind the bear? It looks like a furry creature with a bonnet on its head. Funny as hell, but I can't make it out, and I study your panels minutely!

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  51. Lot's of chuckling here; very amusing! :)

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  52. Not only is this post fantastic but it is a great excuse to include all of your animal characters. I love it!

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  53. I always wondered what happened to the unicorns :((

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