Me: Hi Ducky. How’s DARD?
Ducky: Hey Gia! It's good! How’s it going with you?
Me: It’s alright. As you’ve probably heard, people have been really upset about Akin’s comments about rape.
Ducky: Oh yeah?
Me: Yeah, he said “If it’s legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
Ducky: Oh, that’s all?
Me: What do you mean? People, including your favorite blogger right here, are upset about it. Shmashmortion issue aside, that statement by itself is not cool.
Ducky: I don’t see what the big deal is. I mean, he’s kind of right.
Me: WHAT?! Ducky! You, of all people, should know that rape is wrong!
Ducky: Well, of course rape is wrong. But I mean, it doesn’t usually lead to pregnancies. You can just utilize one of the trap doors in your vagina. [Seriously, google it.]
Me: Ducky, that’s something LADY DUCKS can do. Not humans.
Ducky: You mean you don’t have a bunch of secret passageway vaginas for unwanted penises?
Ducky: Pshhhawww. Next you’re gonna tell me your vagina doesn’t spiral like a corkscrew in the opposite direction of penises.
Me: Ducky… No. Just no. Human penises aren’t corkscrews.
Ducky: WHAT?? Hold on, I need to check out Wikipedia.
*Five minutes later*
Me: Are you okay Ducky?
Ducky: You guys aren’t like ducks at all.
Me: Nope it’s pretty different.
Ducky: So how can you prevent pregnancy if you get raped? Does your body emit birth control on demand?
Ducky: Do you have a special uterus communication ring that recognizes unwanted penis intrusion?
Me: If only that existed…
Ducky: Then how does your body “shut the whole thing down”??!!?
Me: It can’t. That’s the problem.
Ducky: But you know, just because lady ducks CAN shut the whole thing down, that doesn’t mean duck rape it okay.
Me: Of course not. And just because women CAN’T shut the whole thing down, doesn’t mean they weren’t legitimately raped.
Ducky: This Akin guy is a douchebag.
Me: Douchasaurus, actually.