Monday, August 27, 2012

Mayor Gia’s Creation Story


[Linking up with yeahwrite and the speakeasy!]

Okay, if anyone gets offended by this post, let me first tell you that Boyfriend gave me this idea.


The basic premise is that I’m going to retell Bible stories for you, through my interpretation. You’re welcome, world. We’re starting with the Creation Story.

Well, there’s two creation stories back to back in the Bible…I think this one is the second one. Not where God created everything and then men and women and then he rested. The one where he created man first and created stuff around man for him to play with. (Yeah, I don’t know too many Bible stories. No, I have not consulted a Bible in this blog post.) Okay, here we go.

In the beginning, God created man.

Yes, in my drawings God is a cloud.

I figured heart boxers are more fun than fig leaves.




God then created plants for man to frolick in.




Okay then, for man to hang out in.



FINE. Then God created animals for man to name.


Click to make bigger. So you can admire my work more. 


Boyfriend Man and his fishing...





God realized man needed a companion.





And then God created Gia Woman.







And then God created regret.



The End.

61 comments:

  1. How DARE you perverse religious stories for your...Ooooh, a monkey!

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  2. I can not wait to see what you do with Leviticus! Great post for a morning giggle!

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  3. I'm sure Boyfriend is not bored anymore after the magical things happened.

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  4. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    So you're saying Boyfriend would rather hang out with a sheep than you? That's not very nice of him.

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  5. Awesomeness.

    That's exactly how I remember hearing about it in Sunday School.

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  6. Oh, there was nothing offensive in there! Only pure hillarious-ness. This was one of my favorites...can't wait for more!

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  7. It looks like God greater dry humping too.

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  8. Wow. I just laughed so hard it took me at least 2 minutes before I could type. Thank you for that great tears-streaming-down-my-face entertainment this morning, Gia!

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  9. I love the pictures that show you riding Boyfriend like a tree frog. Or spider monkey. Funny on the cloud, too. :)

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  10. keep making these and I might actually learn something about the bible other than memorizing the bits to shout at people when they tell me that my sister being gay is a sin (and holy BALLS are there a bunch of passages to just spew at people. I'm all about the whole marrying your daughter to a rapist for some goats to protect her honour. GENIUS!)

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  11. I loved that he tried to fish right off the bat. Very cute.

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  12. Hahahaha... so that's what regret looks like!

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  13. You're telling me a guy has a pet monkey and he's STILL bored? I refuse to believe such nonsense!

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  14. The labels/tags for this post are the icing on the cake! Well done, you. SO FUNNY.

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  15. OMG I'm dying. "It'll never be quiet again," whew. Preach it sistah, lol

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  16. Delightful. And you're so right: heart boxers trump fig leaves. Much cuter.

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  18. Funny. The final panel is the best. Except the one where Boyfriend Adam decided bestiality is better than elective surgery.

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  19. This is genius! I wish we had THESE Bible stories when I went to Catholic school. Then I wouldn't have fallen asleep during Religion class.
    Or developed an inordinate fear of joyless women dressed all in black wielding yardsticks like ecclesiastic samurai.

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  20. It's The Clinger! My favourite!

    And cute boxers. Although it seems like they should have had fig leaves on them...

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  21. What's that stuff all over Man? Is "Boyfriend" really that hairy or does he have a skin disease? I have a skin disease. Would you like to put me and my skin disease in a cartoon? I always love it when it looks like you're gonna hump Boyfriend's leg, just like a cute puppy. If you have any questions about the Bible, feel free to ask me. I'm quite an authority on it, in spite of getting thrown out of Bible study for dropping the F bomb.

    Love,
    Janie Junebug

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  22. Wait. Why is man naked upon creation and yet the woman is fully clothed?

    THIS IS A CONSPIRACY!

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  23. Total awesomeness! But where is the goat? You need a goat.

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  24. Wait. Did magical things mean you...er...Eve was made out of a *sheep?* because, you know, the sheep disappeared when you appeared. If so, WTF, god? Are you just some sort od bone collector?

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  25. Haha this is amazing! I bet youll get some anonymous hate for this haha x

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  26. Thank you very much for this wonderful story. Hey sky pilots! It turns out religion CAN be fun after all! Sing hallelujah and pass me the bong!

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  27. I'm dying. Dying! "I shoulda stuck with the sheep." Priceless. Boyfriend who came up with this idea is obviously a genius.

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  28. Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! That's me laughing at this in my office. With the door shut... Hahahahah! Love!

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  29. Oh yes, that makes so much more sense to me than any of that bible nonsense. Thanks!

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  30. I actually got a HUGE laugh out of that. I was worried about the premise, but I should have trusted you. This is hilarious.

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  31. Genius! And so f-ing funny! Will giggle about this all day. I will use your blog to teach my kids bible stories. Please do one on Noah or Job next. Can't wait to see your take on the new testament!!

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  32. This is hysterical. Nothing offensive here...to me! :) My first time here. I love the drawings too!

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  33. Always love the picture of the death grip!!!

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  34. LOL! Love this! The ending is the best!

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  35. So the death grip hug was an innate instinct, not one you learned. Interesting...

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  36. I love this....I especially love the frolicking fish.

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  37. Be careful what you wish for, says Boyfriend. I did click on that panel to admire your work. And in that one I think god has a bit of regret about all those pinpoints of hair he gave Boyfriend. But the animals seem delighted in his presence. Funny..

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  38. Oh, I love your creation story. I may have to tell this one to the little ones.

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  39. I REALLY like that God knew better than to tell Gia, I mean, Woman, that hugging and cuddling hadn't been invented yet. Apparently, he's a smart god.

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  40. I'm more offended by the monkey's...oh! It's a tail

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  41. Ha! Loved the boxers. Loved the monkey in tree and Gia hanging on to boyfriend. Yay.

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  42. I like the image of that clinging hug.

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  43. Hilarious, Gia! Are you really a clinger? :P

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  44. Honestly Gia, I think this is my favourite post. Your little diatribe is the best!

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  45. I love that you were created in your outfit but poor Boyfriend only got boxers!

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  46. Ha! "And then God created regret."

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  47. This was awesome! Definitely my favorite post of yours.... EVER!! :-)

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  48. Love this! A perfect rendition.

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  49. This is a very enlightening story. I feel like I now understand religion, and the world, and meaning of life. And other stuff like that.

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  50. If anyone is offended, that is very much their problem. I love how you can make fun of yourself. More bible stories, please. Tell the one about...yeah, I don't know many bible stories either.

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  51. So funny! I hope you continue this series; tell Boyfriend it was a great idea.

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  52. Those magical things are what keeps us interested in talking, unless we have a pet monkey and a sheep. Ok, maybe not... ;)

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  53. This was absolutely hysterical! Thank you so much for the hardy laugh. Yea boyfriend for the idea. Love the end "then God created regret". You are quite the artist, I might add. Would love to see a sequel!

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  54. From now on, I am reading your posts first. It's too good. All of it: the humor and the drawings and the creativity. Me likey.

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