Monday, May 9, 2016

The Woman's Curse

You probably think this is about the monthly curse of blood and pain that women experience for oh, 35 years or so. Nope. I'm talking about this woman's curse: 









Yes. Baby and bridal showers. Thousands of dollars of gifts you're expected to shell out for a couple and/or a couple's baby, solely because you have a vagina. Hundreds of hours of watching someone open said gifts and pretending to give a shit. Dozens of stupid games you're expected to play. 




The real woman's curse. 

12 comments:

  1. Can you fake a case of projectile vomiting that day and stay home? That'd be my route.

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  2. We had a coed baby shower. I mentioned "dicks" at all opportunities. "Thank you for the children's book, but there is a shocking amount of dicks in this book." "Oh, how sweet, a stuffed giraffe--Hold on, why is it anatomically correct?" It gets old, then comes back around to funny again. Just be relentless with the dick talk. "Can I see a sonogram of your baby's dick? How's your baby's dick game?" Then bring a bunch of penis straws and act like you forgot it was a baby shower and not a bachelorette party.
    I understand your consternation, but as a new parent, we need them presents, dogg. Gimme them gifts! This lil' succubus is expensive.

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    1. Perhaps only OTHER parents should be invited to baby showers! Then they can regift all their old baby stuff and I dont have to go.

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  3. Yikes..one is bad but for having to endure two, you deserve a free pass from having to play any of those horrible games.

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  4. Very funny, and yet very sad, I can feel your pain, I've been to a 2 YO birthday party on a beautiful July Saturday.

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  5. It's actually always pissed me off that it's just us womenfolk who have to deal with this shit. What do the men have to deal with? Bachelor parties involving strippers and booze. Ahhhh poor guys.

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  6. My wife's one and only friend already had kids a long time ago and has no plans for any further kids, so as to my advice, have you tried having less friends?

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    1. That's the crazy thing: I HARDLY HAVE ANY FRIENDS! Some of these are more "family friends" which is a huge bummer. This is why I dont get out.

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    2. That's the crazy thing: I HARDLY HAVE ANY FRIENDS! Some of these are more "family friends" which is a huge bummer. This is why I dont get out.

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  7. We don't have them in the UK, thank goodness. I feel your pain though. How about mixing with only over 70 year olds. I hear there are less in that age group.

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  8. I'm totally with dickbag on this and so happy that I have a penis, especially on occasions like this.

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  9. LOL yes! This is right on point. Thank God most of my friends have married and reproduced already.

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