Monday, April 30, 2012

And Then We Watched Game of Thrones and Were Horrified.

[Linking up with yeahwrite!]

Have you guys noticed that there are absolutely no good movies out right now? Last Friday, Boyfriend and I had our usual date night. After dinner, we usually like to stay in and watch a movie or tv show in bed. But there is NOTHING good out right now. Seriously.


We got halfway through Hugo last weekend, and had to turn it off. (I am willing to admit that it might actually be a good movie and not just Martin Scorsese doing whatever the fuck he wants, but it’s certainly not a date night movie.)

Then this happened:



You remember the Red State incident? Yeahhhhh.

Anyhoo, now I'm going to spoil the crap out of the first episode of Game of Thrones. Consider yourself warned. 

One min 40 seconds. Not okay.



Yeah, Boyfriend likes puppies. 






Nobody's happy when Boyfriend's penis is sad. :( Seriously, we had to watch "Web Therapy" just to get it out of our minds. And that show SUUUUUUUUCKS.

Friday, April 27, 2012

I Invented a Diet.


Guess what?! I invented a diet last weekend when I was with Boyfriend in Seaside Town. Interested? It’s easy, there’s only one rule.

Mayor Gia Diet
Rule 1: You can only eat foods if their second letter is a vowel.


I created it as Boyfriend and I were driving home from a particularly tasty dinner. It happened like this:

Me: Diets are dumb
Boyfriend: Huh?
Me: They’re totally arbitrary.  Like weight watchers or atkins or south beach? They all work and they all don’t work – it’s just a matter of following them.
Boyfriend: That’s true.
Me: Hey, I’m going to invent a diet. You can only eat foods….whose second letters are a VOWEL!
Boyfriend: Hmmm…..
Me: I can’t eat apples, but I can eat bananas.
Boyfriend: Thank God, you love bananas.
Me: I can’t eat chocolate. Or ice cream. But I can have cake!
Boyfriend: Whew!
Me: I love cake. Oh no, I can’t have eggs! Boooo. I can have pasta, though.
Boyfriend: How healthy is this?
Me: I can have salad….not broccoli or spinach though.
Boyfriend: You can’t eat vegetables! That’s not healthy!
Me: I can have carrots and potatoes though!
Boyfriend: Potatoes? C’mon.
Me: Oooo and burritos!


Me: I can have coffee. And wine. And gin. THANK GOODNESS.
Boyfriend: Ha! Yeah, what would you do then?
Me: Let’s not even THINK about that, honey.

Me: OH NO.
Boyfriend: What?
Me: I CAN’T HAVE CHEESE.
Boyfriend: Ha! What are you gonna do?!

Me: Welll…I guess technically I can have mozzarella. But not cheddar. Sniffle.
Boyfriend: Wait, wait a second.
Me: What?
Boyfriend: You have to go by category or food, not both. If you say you can’t have cheese, you can’t eat mozzarella.
Me: Welllll…. Okay. I guess. *sulks *
Does anyone else think this is similar to how Boyfriend criticized my "one glass" of wine?
Me: Wait, what about cake? It’s made up of eggs.
Boyfriend: Hmmm…I hadn’t thought about things made up of different ingredients…
Me: DON’T TAKE CAKE AWAY FROM ME!!


So, there. The rule is, you can only eat foods if their second letter is a vowel. I’m a bit fuzzy on the details beyond that.  But yeah, you should totally try it out because I’m absolutely convinced it’s going to work. I’m going to reevaluate my own eating:

Are you guys going to try it? Let me know how quickly the pounds fall off!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Melissa the Manatee!


Originally created for a "draw a tiny manatee" contest.


Me: Hi, Melissa!
Melissa: Hi Gia! Do you have any chocolate?
Me: Uh, what?
Melissa: Chocolate. You know, CHOCK-O-LAT-TE.
Me: …are you sure you’re supposed to be eating chocolate?
Melissa: What the hell is THAT supposed to mean?
Me: No no, not that –
Melissa: I’m PMSsy, you know. Bloated.
Me: …sure…
Melissa: AND PISSY! Do you have chocolate?
Me: Well, yes. I just wasn’t sure if it was good for manatees…
Melissa: Look, I’m a sea-cow. Do you really think some chocolate is gonna hurt me?
Me: No?
Melissa: Good answer. Pony up.
Me: Okay okay. Sheesh. Anything else I can help you with.
Melissa: Midol and a heating pad?
Me: You’re UNDERWATER, Melissa.
Melissa: Don’t judge me.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I Have No Depth Perception

Anyone remember how I’m kind of pokey with Boyfriend? Not in a sexy way, but a eyeballsy way? Basically, I blogged back in November about how I accidentally poke his eye a lot.
  
How’s that been going, you ask? Well, I’m trying. I don’t think his eye has been poked that much lately. However, there are other pokey issues. Like, I may have gotten his ear a few times:

Or a nose. Once or twice.
  
Or a cheek. This happens occasionally.

After one pokey incident, Boyfriend finally pointed out to me, “YOUR DEPTH PERCEPTION IS AWFUL.” I realize this might be related to the fact that I am blind as a bat without glasses on:

I realize that all the times I lovingly reach towards his face, I think it’s like this:
Yes, I know I went more cartoony with these two pictures. Don't judge me. I wanted to change it up.  
But from Boyfriend’s perspective, it’s more like this.

Anyhoo, I’m trying, you guys. It’s actually really hard not to accidentally poke Boyfriend in the face with my talons fingers. Until then, Boyfriend should probably step up his protective gear to something like this:

It’s a sexy look.

Okay, not sexy. But effective. Please tell me you guys accidentally assault your significant others on a regular basis, too. Please?

Monday, April 23, 2012

Sometimes, I Get the Feeling Boyfriend Doesn’t Want Me to Go to the Hardware Store with Him aka the “Helping” Post.

[Linking up with yeahwrite!]

Boyfriend and I went to seaside town this weekend. He had to do lots of little jobs, including running to the hardware store and getting supplies.

Because I’m trying to be the WORLD’S BEST GIRLFRIEND, I offered to go with him.

"Offered." Or something.
Me: YAY! I’ll come and help.
Boyfriend: That’s okay.
Me: It’ll be fun!
Boyfriend: You can stay home and blog.
Me: I can blog later. YAY hardware store!
Boyfriend: Why don’t I drop you off at the beach? You could blog there. A beach blog!
Me: No.
Boyfriend: “Boyfriend dropped me off at the beach. He was acting kind of weird. It felt like he shoved me out of the car, but his hand probably just slipped. He didn’t stop the car, but it was going pretty slow.”
Me: Stop it.


Boyfriend: “Day 2. Boyfriend said he would be back soon… I bet he just took a long time in the hardware store. You know how Boyfriend gets confused in hardware stores.”
Me: YOU ARE NOT ABANDONING ME ON THE BEACH!!
Boyfriend: Fiiiiine.



So anyway, I totally went with him to the store and was super duper helpful. I was only mildly suspicious that Boyfriend was trying to meet one of his sister wives there.

WRONG AGAIN, Boyfriend.
And then, because I’m being the WORLD’S BEST GIRLFRIEND and the WORLD’S BEST GIRLFRIEND is totally helpful, I put together a grill! That’s right. Me. Versus Grill. Guys, I don’t even USE grills. But I did it. (with minimal help from Boyfriend)



Look, I really did it:

Also since I spent more time grill assembling than blogging you don't get a new post tomorrow.  Sorry! Back on Tuesday!

And I only grabbed his butt a little.


Honestly, can you  blame me? I’m only human.

Here if you're not familiar with robot girlfriend.

Friday, April 20, 2012

My Apartment is Trying to Kill Me


Remember when my appliances were against me? Well, the air conditioner is broken again:

It’s making me ridiculously hot and pissy. But that’s actually not what this post is about. It’s more about the wonky electricity:
  
So, last Friday was Friday the 13th. DUN DUN DA DUNNNNNN. What happened? Well, Boyfriend and I were hanging out in the living room.
Typical date night. 
And roommate was cooking in the kitchen.

When all of a sudden:

Living room.

Kitchen


Luckily, we had enough electronics in order to light the apartment enough to check the circuit breaker. It was fine. I called the landlord, who said we could try to get someone to come by that night, or she’d come over the next day (for your information, landlord is NOT an electrician and would be totally useless in the apartment).





And that’s how we got an electrician to come over and fix our circuit breaker at 9pm on a Friday night.

But seriously. Is it time to move yet?