Wednesday, December 5, 2012

How to Open a Bottle of Wine


As some of you may recall, Boyfriend and I are collecting wine corks.

We’ve made decent progress. We’re doing everything we can.



So I thought I’d give you some dos and don’ts for how to open a bottom of wine.

DO: Unscrew the top*
*For screw-top wines



DO use a wine opener
  
Preserve the cork. DON’T break it into pieces.

DON’T break the wine opener

If you broke the wine opener, then DON’T use a screwdriver and hammer

And definitely DON’T use your teeth.

Also DON’T try to break it open.
The wine will fall into the bowl, we'll strain the pieces of glass out and voila! Genius, no?
In conclusion, DO have an extra wine opener handy.


And now you know the right way to open a bottle of wine! What’s the weirdest way you’ve opened one?

27 comments:

  1. In a pinch I've used a screw and vice grips to pull out wine corks. It works, but I guess the family didn't like me using tools so much because I got a corkscrew the next year for Christmas. Whiskey doesn't have corks.

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  2. What about how chefs do it with giant knives? Like Vanessa, in desperate times, I've used a wall-anchor screw and pliers. Also, I liked the drunk you and boyfriend. No talky, indeed.

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  3. There is a very expensive opener, that works so slick, better than grass through a goose. Until a tiny little cotter pin made out of cheap pot metal fails, or falls out, and the entire device is rendered useless.

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  4. We once violated the "Thou shalt not break the Cork" rule once with what was supposed to be a genius rabbit wine opener and it was on a beautiful, sexy Merlot. Seeing as to how Daddy G loves Merlot almost as much as I do, we decided we could not forsake the bottle. For some reason, straining out bits of cork irritates me much more than straining out glass would, but I'm wandering off point here. We were already 2 bottles in (shhh. There were quite a few people present, and yes 4 is quite a few) and Daddy G thought it would be genius to jam a needle nose pliers into the half cork and twist it out. Daddy G grabbed the bottle and jammed the pliers in. He held the bottle and had a friend hold the pliers. Attempt one ended up with a human bowling situation as pliers tend to come right back out when you jam them in corks and the rest of us drunken slobs (I mean party goers. Ahem) had helpfully gathered around to heckle. Attempt two ended up in a full 1/4 of that sexy beast (the merlot, not Daddy G)on my ceiling and the cork wedged even further in. We ended up jamming it back in the bottle and just filtering it out. It was totally worth it though!

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  5. This post makes me want a glass of wine. Or maybe a bottle of it.

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  6. Once on a vacation in a fit of desperation we used a Bic pen to gouge out the cork. It took about 5 minutes. The resulting wine had a somewhat corky texture to it, but we got to the wine, so I'd call it a success.

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  7. I usually get screw-top wine so I don't slop it all over the carpet when I'm drinking straight from the bottle.

    If I get wine with a cork I usually just end up drilling all the way through it and pouring the wine through the hole :/

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  8. We've opened one with a drill before... had to pick all those itsy bits of cork out of the wine. Good times!!

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  9. We've used a screw and pliers and, during another time of sober desperation, my husband's shoe. You can find "how to" videos on YouTube! ;0)

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  10. I don't have time to bother with screwdrivers, pliers and vice grips when that wine is already perfectly chilled. And since I am not interested in saving corks: I just push that sucker right on through.
    All.Class.All.The.Time

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  11. I save mine as well. I have plans for them. I've broken corks before. If they break they're useless so I just push 'em in and drink the bottle. I mean, even if I *had* saved the cork I'd be finishing the bottle.

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  12. I've never opened a bottle in a weird way, but Favorite Young Man and his best friend once left a wedding reception with several "extra" bottle of wine. When they arrived at their hotel, they realized they had no way to open them. So they broke off the tops on a stair rail, drank directly from the bottles, and miraculously did not end up with bleeding mouths or glass in the stomachs.

    Love,
    Janie

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  13. I brought a box of wine to my Aunt's house for Christmas once, back in the 90s. Right before dinner, I saw her with a corkscrew in her hand, turning the box over and over, and going, "How the hell do I open this thing?"

    I've never had trouble opening the wine, but once I spilled some on my couch-table, and some collected down in the sunken "cup holder" thingy. It was my last glassful of wine and I really wanted it, so I McGuyver'ed up a wine removal device. I pulled the ink cartridge out of a pen and used it as a straw to suck up the wine.

    By the way, I also tried soaking up the rest of the spill with a paper towel and squeezing it back into the glass. Take if from me: never do that. It tasted horrible. My Dad, who used to work for a paper company, told me that there are all kinds of chemicals in the paper pulp that is made into paper towels. Bleahhh...

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  14. Ah Gia -- another post from you that confirms my love for you. Here's my recent 12 Wines of Christmas (where I also made a music video) http://notappropriate4.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-twelve-wines-of-christmas.html

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  15. And....this is why I drink beer. On another note, the word grumblefuck? Made me spit said beer out. Fucking hilarious.

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  16. I have shoved the cork inside the bottle before in my desperation, but it turns out you can get a knack for breaking the top of the bottle without spilling if someone gave you a case of wine for Christmas and you're too lazy to get a cork screw.

    The smash the top of the bottle thing works better when you are drinking, just FYI.

    Someone recently sent me a link on youtube on how to open a wine bottle with a shoe. Holy crap, that looks magical. I might try it just because.

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  17. I'm a big fan of stabbing half of the broken cork and yanking out the knife rapidly hopefully with the cork still attached. Realistically though? Sending someone out to buy a new wine opener is the best call. ;-P

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  18. We were in hotel and I was getting ready to present an award to my boss at a fancy black tie dinner of 300+ people and decided I needed a glass or five of wine. Hubs and I bought a bottle but forgot a corkscrew and of course there wasn't one in our room. I remember lots of banging and cursing. I think he ended up using his keys which resulted in a lot of cork ending up in the bottle and a lot of wine on the floor, which I was tempted to slurp up but hotel carpet so, just, no.

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  19. Haha!! I've smashed the neck off before... I think I drank glass that day. Oh well x

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  20. you know, i have nice wine bottle openers but i could never find them when i need them! gahh.
    so i end up stabbing and fighting with the cork and somehow we'd get to the vino.

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  21. Not terribly weird, but have you seen the openers that just look like big tweezers? Who is really getting those to work? Certainly would have to be on the first bottle of the night!

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  22. A while back our wine opener broke, and we had a big tasty bottle of wine, so I opened that bitch with a screwdriver. No, it was not easy or pleasant, but I did it.

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  23. Another technique is to place the wine bottle between your thighs (just above the knee) and while holding onto the bottle's neck with one hand, tug at the cork and the corkscrew with all of your might with the other hand.

    No, none of that was innuendo. :P

    -Barb

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  24. An old roommate and I had a bottle of wine, no corkscrew and a powerful thirst. We screwed some nails into the top, latched on with pliers and wiggled that sucker free. That was a good night.

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  25. There's a great video on YouTube called "LIFE HACKS--7 ways to open a Wine bottle without a corkscrew!" I can't figure out how to insert a proper link into this comment, but here it is if you want to copy and paste: http://youtu.be/n63SWcNNWvg

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  26. So cute. This post makes me want to have a glass of wine. Enjoy life!

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