Monday, June 10, 2019

Book of Mormon

I saw Book of Mormon this weekend, which was excellent and also reminded me of my totally 100% true history of mormon post from a few years ago. Enjoy!
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I was watching a scientology documentary, which made me think of other made up religions (all of them?). So, sorry any mormon readers (but also, cmonnnnnnnn). Here's the story of mormon, interpreted from the wikipedia entry on Joseph Smith. And also from the song "I Believe" from the Book of Mormon  musical as performed on the Tonys a few years ago. 

There once was a man named Boyfriend Joseph Smith. 


And this is his wife, Wife Gia. 



They lived during the Second Great Awakening,  and Boyfriend Smith spent a lot of time at revival camps. 



And then one day, Boyfriend Smith disappeared for awhile.






Boyfriend Smith continued to go to the hill and visit the magic gold books. Wife Gia did not appreciate that he was skipping out on his husbandly duties.









Boyfriend Smith realized none of the religions in their town were accepting of him and his magical gold books, so they needed to go west.



So they went west. 



Boyfriend Smith tried to spread his teachings in Ohio, but they weren't exactly welcoming.


So they went wester.  











And that's not only how Mormonism began, but also how Joseph Smith died. No need for you to fact check any of this, it is 100% true. The end. 

7 comments:

  1. Ha ha, "closer to the Seahawks." Great cartoons!

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  2. I don't remember this post (dementia can be fun). It's hilarious. I think some Mormon missionaries came to my front door a few weeks ago. I'm not sure because the guys have always worn black pants with white dress shirts and black ties. These guys had different colored shirts, but they wore the same color, whatever it was. Dark red or navy blue? Can't remember. Trying to think of it will keep me busy for the rest of the day--until I forget what I'm trying to remember. They were definitely dress shirts and they were wearing ties. One of them had a beard. The Mormon missionary position guys that I've seen in the past didn't have beards. So they rang the doorbell and Franklin and Penelope ran to the windows to bark at them. Franklin yelled, GET THE HELL AWAY FROM MY HOUSE YOU DIRTY BEARDED MISSIONARY AND YOUR BOYFRIEND, TOO. Penelope said, I will appreciate it so much IF YOU GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY HOUSE BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T GET GOING I WILL BITE YOUR ASSES. The dummies rang the bell again. Then they saw me peering at them around the edge of the curtains. One of them waved at me. I pointed in a westerly direction and shouted GO. They went. Oh, I just remembered something. A couple of Jehovah's Witnesses women came to my house several months ago. I didn't look at them as carefully as I should have because I only saw one of them and I thought it was a lady named Laura who lives on my street. So OH MY GOD I opened the door. There they were: Jehovah's Witnesses women. What was I to do?

    Suddenly, I was struck deaf. They started showing me their Jehovah's Witnesses stuff through the glass on the security storm door. I shook my deaf head and they didn't stick around trying to bug me. Instead they looked all concerned and sympathetic and walked away. But then a miracle happened. I wasn't deaf anymore. Goody!

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. Haa!!! Well done. I don't get anyone knocking on my door at my apartment. Sigh...

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  3. Damn this cracked me up and oh so true

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  4. That must be a crazy household when all their cycles sync up

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  5. You forgot to mention their "magic underwear." Reality is that they are even infiltrating our little out of the way community.
    https://www.boreal.org/2019/05/28/200553/grand-marais-watches-helplessly-as-mormon-cult-leader-seth-jeffs-settles-in

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