Kinda Springtime-like-ish?

My weekend:

No duck rape though. That's not cool. 

I learned my lesson, you guys. No more going outside til May. But that's ok. I know how to keep busy inside. 

Ain't no shame in my nintendo game. 

DARD Summer Update

Me: Hey Ducky! How’s Ducks Against Raping Ducks?

Ducky: HI GIA HOW’S IT GOING?

Me: Uhh why are you yelling?

Ducky: I’M NOT YELLING I’M JUST EXCITED!!!1

Me: About what?

Ducky: That you’ve figured out how to do polls! I want to do a duck rape poll!

Me: Um, okay. Please don’t ask me to ask my readers if they’ve ever raped a duck. I may not be emotionally prepared for their answers

Ducky: No silly. Ask them how they feel about duck rape.

Me: Here goes:

How do you feel about duck rape?

Not sure how that last one snuck in there.

Me: Let’s hope my readers aren’t total degenerates, Ducky.

Ducky: Uhoh. I should have thought this through.

Ducklings!

I was outside last week and a bunch of adorable ducklings came out:

Ducky: Wait a second, Gia.

Me: Uh oh Ducky, what’s up?

Ducky: Half of those ducklings are going to grow up to be rapists!!!

Me: Aww cmon now…

Ducky: DUCK RAPE IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM GIA. 

Me: I know, I know. Ducks Against Raping Ducks!

Ducky: Right!

Me: Did it occur to you that those ducklings might be a result of rape, Ducky??

Ducky: OH MY GOD I DID NOT BUT YOU’RE PROBABLY RIGHT.

Me: Those cute little rape ducklings. I wonder if their mama duck resents them.

Ducky: I need to find them and teach them about the dangers of rape! If we start them young, they’ll grow up to support DARD!

Me: Yes, we should do that?

Ducky: Did you say we?

Me: I think I should come along for this trip…

Ducky: And why is that Gia?

Me: So I can see the ducklings and hold them and love them and cuddle them AHHH THEY’RE JUST TOO CUTE AND FUZZY!!!!

Ducky: Stay away from the ducklings, Gia.
Me: Damnit. 

DARD: Spring Update

Me: Why, hello ducky!

Ducky: Hi Gia

Me: How’s ducks against raping ducks going?

Ducky: Um, okay.

Me: Just okay?

Ducky: Well, we’ve definitely cut down on local duck rape.

Me: Congrats!

Ducky: But have you watched the news? Human rape is a real problem!

Me: I know, I know.

Ducky: Like those two recent cases of girls being raped while they’re unconscious and later committing suicide because the rapists took pictures of it and they were tormented about it at school? 

Me: I know, it’s horrible

Ducky: Fuck yeah it is! Ducks don’t even do that to each other, Gia. DUCKS.

Me: Yep

Ducky: AND WE’RE THE RAPIEST OF ALL ANIMALS.

Me: Rape culture is a problem here

Ducky: Yeah, no fucking joke that rape culture is a problem! Why do you teach girls not to get raped instead of teaching boys not to rape? It blames the victim!

Me: Well I personally don’t I mean I’m a feminist…

Ducky: You know what I mean.

Me: I can’t answer this question. 

Ducky: It’s terrible. I mean, what’s the point of giving out rape whistles if unconscious people are getting raped?!?! HMM??

Me: Not sure…

Ducky: I need to come up with a new pamphlet to hand out.

Me: Oh yeah?

Ducky: Yep, something like this:

 

Ducky is a real go-getter

Going Blind Would Be Great

As I’ve written before, I’m blind as a bat. I went to the eye doc a little over a year ago, but since then, my vision has gotten worse again. I’m going to the eye doctor today for a new prescription.

It’s sad for me. I want laser vision surgery some day when I’m not quite so poor.

Anyway, Boyfriend and I recently had this conversation:

(I can’t have pets in my lease. It’s very sad for me. I want a cat.)

You guys, wouldn’t that be AMAZING?

And my landlord would HAVE to let me have them.

I’d be the happiest blind person in the whole wide world.

Seriously you guys, I can’t wait.

I Don’t “Get” Turkey

 As Thanksgiving approaches, I have to admit something: I don’t get turkey. At all.

But I kind of remember turkey.

I never really enjoyed turkey. It was just so bland.  I actually kind of understand why people deep fry it.

Wasn't that a specialty at all the county fairs this year?

Here, this is the breakdown of a turkey: 

mmm...ass stuffing

Why don’t people just eat chicken? I remember chicken being much better tasting.

That's not even a little funny. I love ducks. FRIENDS NOT FOOD, DAMNIT!

Welp, it's a word now. 

Do you guys like turkey or do you agree that it’s gross? Chicken? Duck? Turducken?