Signs

On Saturday, I went grocery shopping and noticed a new parking spot sign. 

Then I noticed another sign on the spot right next to that one:

 

Well, ok.  First, let me say that I'm totally fine with courtesy spaces for people who don't have a handicapped plate but may otherwise have a condition/situation that would be helped by parking closer. Sure. 

But - aren't these really specific signs? I mean, what happens if the pregnant lady parks in the toddler spot? Exactly how old does a kid have to be before they age out of the toddler spot? What if you have a little kid that can't toddle yet?

And, what about other things that should justify getting a close parking spot?

I propose the addition of the following parking spot signs:

FACT: thousands of millenials die each year by texting and walking into traffic. Let millenials park closer and save lives. 

You know what happens when you hold your pee too long? Bladder infections. FACT: bladder infections lead to DEATH. Let people who have to pee park closer and save lives. 

FACT: Cats are awesome and I deserve to park closer because of it. 

*Grits teeth* I will not make two trips from the car to my apartment. 

People who want to carry their groceries are heroes and therefore should be rewarded for their valor. 

People who go to parties are cool. Cool people get better spots. That's how the cookie crumbles. 

People who try new recipes are courageous and we should accommodate their need to pick up just one more thing. 

[Trigger warning] These people are the victims of weather. Would you really further victimize these weather victims by making them park far away? 

And finally:

These superpeople/gods/aliens/machines/hulks/bat hybrids/cat hybrids have SAVED HUMANITY. At the very least,  should they not be allowed to park 10-12 feet closer than us mere mortals? 


What parking spot sign would you add?

The Wedding.

As I mentioned some months ago, my friend asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Well, the wedding was this weekend! I survived. It was fun, but exhausting. 

The worst part? Definitely the all the photos. 

Hey, who doesn't want to take photos when you're all dressed up, amirite?

Well, it turns out there's a limit to how many photos one can take, no matter how rockin' their hair is. 

It didn't help that the photographer was a bit of an asshole. 

Photos are exhausting. We took a bunch at the hotel, and then at the church, and then at the reception site. 

Yep, we had to go outside where it was about 300% humidity and just very...wet. 

Too. Many. Kids.

Anyway, the photos finally ended and we all got to go enjoy the reception and the four hour hard liquor open bar. 

Trivet making is also hard

In another edition of things that are hard, Boyfriend and I opened our trivet kits last weekend.

The boxes make it look super easy:

So we poured out all the corks and got ready:

First, I tried to remake what was on the box. Kind of easy, but you can see all the spaces where it doesn’t quite fit right:

  

Boyfriend made this one:

  

But then we started to do some of the other patterns they suggest, and it got hard.

I tried to be fancy.

Boyfriend had more patience than I did. Check out this action shot:

His giant man hands, not mine.

We also noticed a pattern with the corks.

There WERE a lot of sutter homes, see:

Ignore the columbia crest that sneaked into the corner. The rest are all sutter home.

Anyway, I got frustrated and since we didn’t have a glue gun we decided to stop for the night. I was ready to open my new bottle of sutter home pinot grigio (nope, not kidding).

We left the trivets like this:

His:

Mine:

Whose is better? You be the judge. 

Baking is Hard.

[Linking up with yeahwrite!]

You guys probably won’t believe this, but I actually used to be good at baking. I was a little baking savant as a kid.

Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration, but I was pretty good at it. At least average, if not a bit above.

But now?

I keep fucking up the baked goods I make for Boyfriend!! It’s very frustrating. Especially because I’m trying to maintain my standing as world’s best girlfriend.

For example, awhile ago I made brownies from a box.  Easy peasy, right? Well, I figured I’d mix in some applesauce to cut down the oil. And it got all fucked up.

See:

This is normal.

This is me.

Boyfriend, like a champion, ate a bunch of them anyways.  He’s good like that.

I have no proof that this happened. Just suspicions.

 Anyway, so I wanted to make lemon bars this weekend. I hadn’t made them in years, but they’re not that complicated.

First, I only had baking soda, not baking powder. After striking out at a local convenience store,  much googling, and asking twitter for help, I decided I would use the soda, just less of it. (Mistake UNO.)

For those of you who have made lemon bars, you know that first you bake the crust for 20 minutes or so, but you take it out when it’s still white and not fully cooked.

I followed the directions exactly, but I forgot that my oven is a bit intense.

By the time I pulled the crust out, it was already way too brown. (MISTAKE DOS)

So I added the top and kept cooking. However, when I took it out, it looked sad and not lemon bar like at all. See:

It's weird. If you look close, you can tell.

Anyway, I covered them in powdered sugar and cut them for when Boyfriend came over.

It's too flat and burny

He brought a box of brownies. (Side note: he originally said he was bringing brownies, and I assumed he already baked them and that they would be delicious and I hated the brownies for that.)  So I whipped those up, and of course, they turned out shitty, too.

Baking is HARD, you guys.

I WILL bake delicious things for Boyfriend if it’s the last thing I do, damnit! But seriously, does stuff like this happen to you guys? Or are you all perfect bakers? In which case, you know, I kind of maybe hate you a little.