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Showing posts with label bats are bitches. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bats are bitches. Show all posts

Monday, September 14, 2015

Just a Touch of Rabies

A couple of weeks ago, this happened:


That's right. Boyfriend found a bat flying around his kitchen in the middle of the day. He got it out of his house and texted me. 

I reacted appropriately, I think. 






I furiously googled bat rabies, and was horrified by what I read, which included gems like these:

1. bats are the number one cause of rabies in people
2. bat teeth are very sharp and bites can be undetected by sleeping people
3. rabies is always always fatal and by the time you show symptoms, it's too late and you're gonna die


So I emailed this info to  Boyfriend, who promptly disregarded the email and told me that it wasn't in his bedroom, so it was fine. He didn't think to murder or trap the bat to get it tested, so he didn't report it. 

I tried to forget about it, and saw him like usual that weekend. 



Then, last week, Boyfriend found a bite on his leg. A bite that did not belong to his puppy.



So yes, Boyfriend finally went to the hospital. And got six shots. He got shots for his puppy, too. 

He and I have been googling rabies nonstop, and are both a wealth of information on the topic. 





(Yes, that sad Scrubs episode with Dr Cox having a breakdown was based on a true case!)




So that's how I became convinced I got rabies too. Even though there's never been a case of rabies through human kissing. Still. I've always felt that I was meant for greatness.


I made Boyfriend ask the doctor during his next visit, and she said she "thinks" that if he didn't have any symptoms, I was fine. TBH, "thinking" something is not the type of language that inspires confidence in me. But Boyfriend is fine. And I'm probably also fine. 




Friday, July 12, 2013

Bats are Misunderstood


Bat: Hi Gia!
Me: AHHH! A bat!
Bat: Don’t be a bitch now, dear.
Me: STAY OUT OF MY HAIR!
Bat: I want nothing to do with your hair! I want the bugs that are hanging around you.
Me: Ew.
Bat: Get off your highhorse, Gia. I see you with your night cheese [yes, a Tina Fey reference].
Me: Okay, okay. What’s your name, bat?
Bat: Betty. I’m the Betty the Bat.
Me: Heh, Betty the Batty.
Betty: NEVER THAT.
Me: Why not, Batty Betty?
Betty: Because I don’t like it, Gia-the-Giant.
Me: OKAY OKAY! Grumble
Betty: I didn’t come to this blog to get harassed, you know.
Me: Okay. Why DID you come here?
Betty: To talk about how I’m misunderstood! People hate me for the wrong reasons! I’m looking at you, Boyfriend.
Me: He only has a thing about bats because he’s so tall. When you swoop, you’re a lot closer to him than me.
Betty: That’s the thing! I don’t want to knock into you disgusting humans-
Me: Hey!
Betty: What? You all stink and you can’t fly. You’re pretty much useless. The only thing I like about you is that you attract bugs.
Me: You know, for someone who is worried about your reputation, you’re being pretty harsh about my readers.
Betty: Oh no, I’m sure your readers are lovely, non stinky, useful flying people.
Me: Well now you’re being sarcastic.
Betty: What, me? Never!
Me: *muttering* Betty the Bitch is more like it.
Betty: And we looooove accidentally ending up in your house, listening to you screaming while trying to murder us with a broom. That’s a great time for us.
Me: Well stay out of our house!
Betty: WE HAVE BAD VISION!
Me: Actually, I do too.  Maybe we’re not so different…
Betty: No you’re a disgusting human. We’re completely different.
Me: ANNNNND time to wrap up this interview!
Betty: I gotta go eat some bugs off of humans, you ungrateful bug-attracting blob.
Me: Now you’re just trying to hurt my feelings.
Betty: Ta-ta!


Welp. Bats are bitches. Who knew.