Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Valentine's Day Rejected Boyfriend Cards

Happy Valentine’s Day! I know I know, it’s the mother of all fake holidays. But I don’t care damnit! I’ve written out some terrible poems for Boyfriend. None were good enough to make it into the card I gave him, but I think they're pretty entertaining. Watch out y’all, it’s about to get mushy up in here.

First, one for Allie's crush on Boyfriend (though based on yesterday's post, she may be getting over it):
Click to make bigger.

Here's a haiku inspired by this picture:

And here's one about how utterly insane I am:

Click to make bigger
(Somewhat inspired by this:)

Here is one because Boyfriend is sexy:

Here's another haiku, this one about my least favorite things ever: 
Grrr zombie sluts.

And lastly:

Click to make bigger.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Boyfriend!            


  1. How are you not writing for Hallmark yet?

  2. Roses are occasional red
    Violets tend to be blue
    He needs the crazy
    and that's why he limes you.

  3. Happy demented Valentines day Gia.

  4. Ha ha! One of my favorites. The favorite of my favorites is the haiku, but that's because I have a penchant for the haiku.
    Zombie sluts are bad.
    Worse are demons and ninjas
    Boyfriend is cool, though.

  5. This is such beautiful poetry. Much better than I could ever come up with. You have such a mind for rhyming.

    Also, I'll also forever visualize the two of you as a number 10. Hope you're happy with yourself!

  6. Damn! You guys are cute! Have a great day!

  7. Your blog is sort of like reading a modern day romance novel - except that it's true. Very refreshing :-)

  8. "even though you are old as fuck, I still love you" Pure Romance!

  9. Old as fuck? Oh you crazy kids and your shenanigans and flying machines. Good luck with the demons tonight. It's time for my 10,000 gallon colostomy bag checkup and wheelchair lube. Not that kind of lube, Gia, you maniac!! Oh, cheese and crackers. Happy V-day Baby Rhino.

  10. Aw that's very adorable. I'm taking the time to provide "valuable" service announcements on my blog, but I think your material is way cuter.

  11. Hahahaha. Gia, you've officially outdone yourself.. this is hilarious! I love crazy valentines day cards, my favourite was the bat shit crazy poem.. my boyfriend likes to refer to me as bat shit crazy very very often.. sometimes he even looks scared (I keep my crazy under wraps on my blog.. in real life its rampant)

    I'm showing this to everyone I know

    Happy Valentines Day to youuuu! (And allie and popsicle and boyfriend and your sisters cats)

  12. You know, I'm not a Valentine's Day person, but if there were more cards out there like yours I might be persuaded.

    Nothing says love like bat shit crazy and killing the shit out of zombie sluts.

  13. And these were the rejects?! Pfft. All winners in my book.


  14. I will kill the shit out of you.

    You really do have a way with words Gia. :) Happy Valentines Day to you and boyfriend.

    Oh, and you're the very BEST kind of bat shit crazy!

  15. happy valentine's day :p
    i like the one on zombie sluts :)

  16. My favorite is the last one. Happy Heart Day.

  17. Winners all! Did Ali get a card for Popsicle? That would be interesting. And Boyfriend doesn't sound all that old to me (says the 50-something grandma with 8 grandkids)! Happy Valentine's Day sweetie!

  18. There are SO cute! I'm pretty in lust with the crazy one.. and the zombie sluts.

  19. Ahh, the last one I may use for my hubby myself. You're extremely talented. Have you considered starting your own greeting card business and taking down the corporate Man that is Hallmark?

  20. I almost wet myself laughing at Robot g/f getting excited over boyfriend's booty. hahaha

  21. I'm not sure why none of these made the final cut for the Valentine's Day card...

  22. Your tribute to insanity was my favorite card. Last time I checked bat-shit crazy was an awesome attribute. It really ought to be on your resume...

  23. Hahahahaha!! I wonder how your boyfriend reacted to these! So sweet.

  24. You are clearly a poet.

    Have you thought about writing cards for a living. You should. ;)

  25. Roflmao. My husband would be jealous if he knew I knew someone who put this much thought into a valentine card. I just run to the store, fork out 6 bucks and slap my name on it.

  26. Those are cute, and I am old as fuck but not as old as dirt.


  27. Thank the lawd you make up for what Hallmark lacks.

  28. I like the one about the zombie sluts because, like, these whores need to know we aren't going to take their crap any longer.

  29. I think there's a Zazzle store just waiting for those cards, Gia.


  30. I would like all of them, please. Even though the husband and I aren't card givers, I would make an exception. Particularly for Robot Girlfriend.

  31. Has a guy ever given you mixed signals?

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    Thanks again.