So, Boyfriend made a very innocent joke during a staff meeting last week about OfficeCreep. The context was this:
If you guys need a reminder, OfficeCreep is the guy who asked if I was sexually harassing Boyfriend, and generally enjoys making everyone uncomfortable.
Anyway, Boyfriend’s joke was no big deal, right? Wellllllll, the next morning Boyfriend tells me that HR called him because OfficeCreep told HR and he fears for his safety and thinks he’s a “target” because of what Boyfriend said. Boyfriend is supposed to call OfficeCreep and apologize.
You guys, this is some crazy bullshit. Last month during a birthday party for another employee, OfficeCreep “joked” that our CEO needed to lose 30 pounds. And then “joked” about the CEO walking on water (the implication being that he thinks he’s Jesus). Oh, and he was making these jokes TO THE CEO, who wasn’t really laughing. Now we have a relatively laid back office and the CEO is the type who will let something like that go, but seriously WHAT THE FUCK?
Boyfriend’s joke wasn’t even that bad! We all know OfficeCreep is loaded, he’s semi retired and goes on vacations ALL the time and loves telling us how his vacations are unpaid. But now he’s scared he’s a “target”? Like we’re going to mug him?!?! I don’t understand. I can’t even.
Anyhoo. So Boyfriend and I came up with this list of totally hypothetical things you can say to someone when you have to apologize but aren’t really sorry:
Gah! Have you guys ever had to deal with something like this?!? Have any non apologies to add to the list?