Me: Hi Ducky. How’s DARD?
Ducky: Hey Gia! It's good! How’s
it going with you?
Me: It’s alright. As you’ve probably heard, people have been
really upset about Akin’s comments about rape.
Ducky: Oh yeah?
Me: Yeah, he said “If it’s legitimate rape, the
female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”
Ducky: Oh,
that’s all?
Me: What
do you mean? People, including your favorite blogger right here, are upset
about it. Shmashmortion issue aside, that statement by itself is not cool.
Ducky: I
don’t see what the big deal is. I mean, he’s kind of right.
Me: WHAT?!
Ducky! You, of all people, should know that rape is wrong!
Ducky:
Well, of course rape is wrong. But I mean, it doesn’t usually lead to
pregnancies. You can just utilize one of
the trap doors in your vagina. [Seriously, google it.]
Me: Ducky,
that’s something LADY DUCKS can do. Not humans.
Ducky: You
mean you don’t have a bunch of secret passageway vaginas for unwanted penises?
Me: No.
Ducky:
Pshhhawww. Next you’re gonna tell me your vagina doesn’t spiral like a
corkscrew in the opposite direction of penises.
Me: Ducky…
No. Just no. Human penises aren’t corkscrews.
Ducky:
WHAT?? Hold on, I need to check out Wikipedia.
*Five minutes
later*
Ducky:
Whoa.
Me: Are
you okay Ducky?
Ducky: You
guys aren’t like ducks at all.
Me: Nope
it’s pretty different.
Ducky: So
how can you prevent pregnancy if you get raped? Does your body emit birth
control on demand?
Me: No.
Ducky:
Do you have a special uterus communication ring that recognizes unwanted
penis intrusion?
Me: If
only that existed…
Ducky:
Then how does your body “shut the whole thing down”??!!?
Me: It
can’t. That’s the problem.
Ducky: But
you know, just because lady ducks CAN shut the whole thing down, that doesn’t
mean duck rape it okay.
Me: Of
course not. And just because women CAN’T shut the whole thing down, doesn’t
mean they weren’t legitimately raped.
Ducky:
This Akin guy is a douchebag.
Me:
Douchasaurus, actually.
