[Linking up with yeahwrite!]
So on Thursday, I got a letter from my landlord that said something like this:
So on Thursday, I got a letter from my landlord that said something like this:
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My reaction was something like this:
Sure enough, at exactly 10pm that night, it started.
Seriously, how do you describe jackhammer noises? I googled
it but I couldn’t find a satisfactory answer. Whir? Bang?
Anyway, I texted Boyfriend:
Me: The water company just started jackjammering outside.
JACKHAMMERING.
Stab stab stab stabby stab stab
Boyfriend: Crazy! Stab away. You have my blessing.
Me: Thanks. Landlord even gave us letter about it. They have
approvals from the state so he’s sorry but we shouldn’t blame him.
Boyfriend: Stabbing then is appropriate.
Me: Sigh. Night honey.
Boyfriend: Nighty night.
It was still going at midnight, but it either stopped soon
after that or I drank too much because I pretty much fell asleep after that.
The next day, Boyfriend came over. And sure enough, it
started again around ten.
It continued during sexytimes.
And it kept going when we tried to sleep.
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| Just checking |
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| Seriously, what's up with Louie? Every episode makes me feel like I'm tripping balls. |
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| A meta-blogisphical moment. |
Et cetera.
We finally fell asleep, but kept waking up roughly every
twenty minutes because of the banging outside.
I swear I THOUGHT that. But I have trouble forming words
when I’m tired.
We finally got through the night. Saturday morning was NOT
GOOD. Boyfriend was tired and cranky:
And I woke up sicky:
In conclusion, jackhammers made me sick and fuck everything.
yikes. sorry to hear that, Gia. here they cant work at night at residential areas.
ReplyDeleteMy wife found a possible solution to that a few years back: Silicone earplugs. Honestly, you can hear almost nothing with those things in.
ReplyDeleteThe earplugs are a good idea. You would have to use other ways (other than talking which requires hearing) to communicate with boyfriend. What is wrong with your city??? I can't imagine why they would have their workers work with jackhammers at night.
ReplyDeleteYour tenant sounds awesome! So sorry to hear you're not feeling well :( Hope you feel better soon (and the stupid jackhammering stops)!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteNoise canceling headphones? Unless all you have to listen to is something like Justin Bieber. Then yes, I'd rather hear the bleating sound of concrete being churned up any day.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a "kerchunk" sound if you really want to get onomatopoetic about it. I'd sympathize but at least the jackhammering is temporary. I have the equivalent of jackhammers living above me in the form of multiple children who apparently wear clogs and don't have a bed time. Also, I love that people are giving you suggestions for something that's already come and gone.
ReplyDeleteHave I missed the post that would explain why Gia didn't stay at Boyfriend's place all weekend while this nonsense was happening???
ReplyDeleteI was wondering the same thing. And jackhammer noises? Dedededededede? Eh, "jackhammer noises" works. Ellen
DeleteAnnabelle, Annabelle, Annabelle...Yes, you have missed many things. I'm 85 and Gia is roughly the same age as my children, who still live with me. So staying at my place is not an option. There is a moped factor, but we'll leave that alone.
ReplyDeleteAlso, callback to last post..."assclown" is a superfun curse word. It was coined back during the Depression (1929 not 2008) when I was a child.
I'm WAY older than his kids and he's not 85, everyone. JUST SAYING.
DeleteHaha, love the comment from boyfriend. You poor thing, loud noises are the worst. we have a neighbor whose alarm goes off every freakin' day for the entire day. I tell you, the stabbing feeling starts to feel like a real option after a while
ReplyDeleteThey can't do that at night here. I would go out and throw things at them if they could. Sorry you had to go through that.
ReplyDeleteYou sleep with your bottle of wine? Genius! That song from Aladdin, A Whole New World, is currently blasting through my brain.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Feel better!
What the ever-loving and almighty fuck were they thinking when they scheduled the jackhammering for 10 PM!?!? I would have gone all Marcellus Wallace on their asses...as always, I am in awe of your restraint.
ReplyDeleteSorry you had to go through that hon, why the hell would they do that crap at night anyways?
ReplyDeleteFeel better soon!
So wait. Jackhammers made you sick AND you fucked everything or jackhammers made you sick and F your life?
ReplyDeleteSorry. I just couldn't help it.
Yuck! I dunno about your place, but I'm so glad my city has bylaws prohibiting crap like this.
ReplyDeleteEarplugs are no fun to try an sleep in, but sometimes they can be invaluable.
Yeah, how on earth did you NOT stab someone? But wait . . . I got sick this weekend, too!! Oh damn those jackhammers. I didn't even KNOW they were outside my house, too. You have my permission to bitch slap exactly one person who pisses you off today. You earned it. Choose wisely, my friend.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it possible to stay at boyfriend's place? Sounds like it be a lot better than there with the jackhammers.
ReplyDeleteLove that "swear I said that but have trouble forming words" bit! I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have survived the jackhammers...agree with pp, what's wrong with boyfriend's place?
ReplyDeleteLOL - you have a way of turning the mundane into great entertainment!!!
ReplyDeleteLOL - You always make me laugh and seem like an insensitive person. *pouts* LOL ... but I'm really sorry though, I know how cranky and miserable I get when I don't get enough sleep, so I can totally imagine how it was for you.
ReplyDeletewell fuck. what a bunch of shit.
ReplyDeleterrrrrrrrrrFrrrrrrrUrrrrrrrNrrrrrNrrrrrrYrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteLove your bedtime companion...the wine bottle! Hilarious...to me. Not so much for you. Something like that would make me way cranky. Sleep, to me, is pure gold (something I'd like but don't have/get). Hope it's over for good. Like the idea from Beer in the Shower guys, noise canceling headphones work.
ReplyDeleteOkay, post was awesome, as usual. Loved the censored sexy time. But by far the funniest thing was comment from Boyfriend. He's 85?? Holy shit, I'm glad you censored sexy time!!!!
ReplyDeleteHahaha no no no he's kidding about that. Not anywhere near 85. Just a lot older than me.
DeleteLove the conclusion! Also - yeah about Louie! I mean, I still love it and all, but it wasn't the same.
ReplyDeleteLouie was funny this season. I was so happy he won a shit ton of Emmys. And ... I 'effin loved this! Great animations. So happy to have stumbled upon you through this awesome yeah write crew!
ReplyDeletehttp://wwww.notappropriate4.blogspot.com
I love that you googled jackhammer noises. And relieved that sexy time was censored. Phew! (Glad boyfriend's not 85 unless you're 80...then that's perfectly acceptable)
ReplyDeleteYour posts always, always entertain me.
At my old house before I moved to the country, the city of Austin decided to re-do the sewer lines, which involved jackhammering the entire street all summer. My house was shaking! Then they covered it all up and the happy residents of my street quickly figured out that they had put the lines in too high, as in all the water would have to flow uphill. Isn't "water flows downhill" like the first thing they teach at plumbing school? Anyway. They came back and did it all over again. Yay!
ReplyDeleteMy two favorite lines from this post are a tie between "Stab away. You have my blessing" and 'a meta-blogisphical moment".
ReplyDeleteYour best yet. Seriously. So good.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! I am laughing with you, I promise! If that would have been me, you would have heard about it on the news. I tend to hulk out when my sleep is interrupted!
ReplyDeleteYou had me at sexytimes. Ha! So funny. And so sorry it happened!
ReplyDeleteFucking HELL why do they need to do it at NIGHT? Hmmm... but here are some things you've forced me to think about how I would describe jackhammers.
ReplyDeleteWhinginginginginging
or Ratatattatt
or BumpitawhapitaBumpitawhapita
or Hudddauddauddidda
All of which are probably also not right. But you made me think of them, so they are going in the comment.
There are a lot of creative sound suggestions for the jackhammer noises, but I seriously love that you just kept putting JACKHAMMER NOISES in a sound bubble. But super annoying that you had to deal with that on the weekend :(
ReplyDeleteOuch - sounds truly irritating.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite illustration is definitely the vino bottle tucked in lovingly on the pillow!
Listening to a jackhammer sucks balls (and not in the censored sexytime way). But have you ever used one before -- it's kinda thrilling for about a minute, then you fell rattled for six days.
ReplyDeleteDescribing jackhammer noises as jackhammer noises is exactly the right choice. We all know how truly awful that sound is. Amazing that the guy could get a permit for that. I hope you feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteYou are hilarious! I love how you tied the chewing in.
ReplyDeleteAlso, the wine bottle in bed - we must be kindred spirits!
Boyfriend is clearly a saint. My husband would have gone outside in the middle of the night and cussed somebody out, and it would have been loud enough to drown out the jackhammer noises. Which, btw, were well-rendered as "jackhammer noises."
ReplyDeleteI agree with landlord. That's bullshit! When is jackhammering after dark ever necessary? Unless jackhammering is a euphemism for sexytimes, of course.
ReplyDeleteHmm...jackhammer noises. Dud-dud-dud-dud-dud-dud? Kunk-kunk-kunk-kunk-kunk-kunk? No idea.
ReplyDeleteI love your pictures. I always end up chuckling out loud.
ReplyDeleteThat is bullshit! I would have stabbed someone for sure. People who mess with your sleep deserve to pay.
ReplyDeleteWhat what?!! They allow Jackhammering at night time? WTF! I absolutely despise anything or anyone who stops me sleeping. Not great for the kids when they were babies. Nah I jest. But I think I would have whooped me some Jackhammer man though, approval from the State or not.
ReplyDeleteI like your "sexy time" during jackhammer time. That could, like, be a new hip hop song.
ReplyDeleteGet ON it!