Thursday, September 6, 2012


As you may recall, Boyfriend’s fake birthday was celebrated over the summer. But his REAL birthday is today! WOOOHOOOO! I got him an awesome gift (that maybe technically hasn't arrived yet) and made him an awesome pie that may or may not have been delicious. (Cut me a break. I'm writing this over the weekend).


Sometimes Boyfriend and I play the game “what would you do if you won the lottery?” So for his birthday, I decided to create a new game:

10 Things I Would Get Boyfriend for His Birthday if I Had a Bajillion Dollars

1. Let’s start with a boat, for when he goes fishing:
It would be a more impressive boat, in real life.

2. And a private lake, stocked with all his favorite fish.
3. A deserted island, where he could relax alone.

Well, almost alone:

Me, too. 
4. A golf course in his backyard.

5. ALL the whiskey!

Boyfriend likes whiskey.

6. Robot Girlfriend, so she can stand in for me when I’m busy or sleeping or blogging
That's supposed to say, even FOR a moment. Fuck.

7. Zombie Vaccines so that zombie sluts can’t get to him
Ok. This one is more for me, maybe.
Ha! That's right! BE GONE, WENCH.
8. A blinged out Boyfriend necklace

Just cuz. I want my bitches to sparkle, yo.

9  A perfectly hand crafted pipe that looks nothing like a penis.

You know, for his tobacco.

10 And finally, the best girlfriend in the world!

Wait a second. HE ALREADY HAS THAT! She even won a GOLD MEDAL in Girlfriending!

Yaaay! So what I guess I’m saying is, Happy Birthday Boyfriend! I would totally buy you all these things if I could. And also, I’m priceless.


  1. LOVE! What a great post! Happy Birthday to your boyfriend...this just happens to be my birthday, too! :)

  2. Happy birthday to you boyfriend!!! :)

  3. Awwww that was sweeter than a Snickers-stuffed donut...Mmmmm Snickers-stuffed donut. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, Happy Boyfriend Birthday! He would need the golfcourse in the backyard because he'd be ill-advised to drive anywhere with all the whiskeys and the pipe.

  4. Happy Birthday Boyfriend! I think you should nix the island thing though--it looks kind of small--and just send all the zombie sluts there instead. Win-win!

  5. A very happy birthday to Mr. Boyfriend. Sure, you can't buy him a boat and a lake stocked with fish, but how about a koi pond and a Barbie fishing pole? Close or no?

  6. Happy Birthday Boyfriend!! Robot Girlfriend is awesome.

  7. His birthday had been immortalized at Flimsy Cups...if you look close enough.

    Happy Birthday

  8. "Cuz I want my bitches to sparkle, yo" Haha :) Happy real birthday, Boyfriend!

  9. Happy birthday, boyfriend! And if you want to go shopping for my big day once you lock in that bazillion dollars, my birthday is an August.

  10. Happy Birthday Gia's Boyfriend! The spelling mistake made me snort.

  11. Thanks everyone! Now that I'm 67 I'm sure I'll need to cut down on the whiskey. On second thought, I'm 67, WTF! More whiskey!

    1. He's kidding everyone! He's kidding. He's not nearly that old.

  12. awww. finally the best girlfriend in the world!!
    happy birthday, Boyfriend.

  13. Aww so sweet!

    Happy Birthday boyfriend!!

  14. Are they going to celebrate his real birthday at work now? Or does he only get one a year and, even though it was fake, the other still counts?

  15. Happy Birthday Boyfriend! I hear you got whiskey. Share it maybe?

  16. Happy birthday boyfriend! The non-penis shaped pipe thing is a good one.

  17. While I'm all about birthdays being the one and only important holiday, he cannot have all of the whiskey. Its mine. All mine.
    And Happy Birthday to the Boyfriend!

  18. Happy Birthday! That is a super list of gifting possibilities!

  19. I can completely relate to the shipping issue. That's why I try and order things online months in advance so I get them in time.

    Though, if I had a bajillion dollars, I could always send things through express shipping I guess.

  20. Seriously, you've ruined my visits to the garage after the kid is LONG asleep. Why did you have to point out the penis thing? And why did I just put myself on blast that I enjoy occasional tobacco? Back off people.

  21. Happy birthday, Boyfriend!! And remember, whiskey is good for ya; "it puts hair on your chest" as my Granny used to say. And anything Granny used to say is true... don't try and convince me otherwise! :)

  22. SO happy I found you, Thanks to Misty! WTH is with the penis shaped pipes anyway? We even found a 10" long pink one in a store. The guy was all "Oh this is a long one, how about this?" And I was all "I can't be seen puffing on that giant pink penis pipe!" You know, for my tobacco. He actually blushed. Poor child.

  23. I love your hugs for him. Happy birthday, Gia's boyfriend! I'm thinking he sounds like Bob from Bob's Burgers. Am I right?

  24. Oh, he needs a one of those good old fashioned life-threatoning hugs for sure ;)

  25. Awww, this is one of the sweetest happy birthday greetings for Byofriend. Pretty hilarious too ;-)

  26. Yummyy have special birthday wishes greetings to boy friend.