As I briefly mentioned last week, I may not be Olympic material, per se. Oh, except for this:
What, you don’t believe me? Please, let me prove myself. Here are the events of the Girlfriend Olympics that I would dominate:
EVENT 1: PIE-MAKING
Description: Good girlfriends bake, of course. Super good girlfriends bake delicious things. Gold medal girlfriends bake delicious apple pies.
My qualifications: I present that time I made boyfriend an apple pie:
Results: C’mon guys. Best pie EVER. No one else comes close. I award myself GOLD.
EVENT 2: BEING HELPFUL
Description: We’re not just trophy girlfriends, damnit! Girlfriends need to be helpful with stuff, like telling Boyfriends how to put something together or letting them know we think they’re lost and they should probably stop and ask for directions.
My qualifications: I built a grill, remember?
Also who is the one who told Boyfriend about the trout fishing in my town? ME. That’s who.
|He means this.|
Anyhoo, next event:
EVENT 3: EYEPOKING
Description: Self explanatory, no?
Um, I’m pretty good at accidentally poking Boyfriend in the eye. It’s mostly an accident, I swear.
Results: GOLD! Actually, I’m the only one in this event:
|It'll catch on eventually.|
EVENT 4: WINE DRINKING
Description: The ability to drink (or, as some might say, “guzzle”) wine is a very important skill for girlfriends. Why, you ask? Well, that’s a silly question. Don’t ask that. Just accept it as true.
My qualifications: I’m really good at drinking wine. Even when I try to not be.
Results: Clearly, I’m a gold medalist in this competition.
Total for Day One: 156.32
Part II is here.