Monday, August 6, 2012

Girlfriend Olympics Part I

As I briefly mentioned last week, I may not be Olympic material, per se. Oh, except for this:

What, you don’t believe me? Please, let me prove myself. Here are the events of the Girlfriend Olympics that I would dominate:


Description:  Good girlfriends bake, of course. Super good girlfriends bake delicious things. Gold medal girlfriends bake delicious apple pies.

My qualifications: I present that time I made boyfriend an apple pie:

Results: C’mon guys. Best pie EVER. No one else comes close. I award myself GOLD.

Description: We’re not just trophy girlfriends, damnit! Girlfriends need to be helpful with stuff, like telling Boyfriends how to put something together or letting them know we think they’re lost and they should probably stop and ask for directions.

My qualifications: I built a grill, remember?

Also who is the one who told Boyfriend about the trout fishing in my town? ME. That’s who.

Results: GOLD. 

He means this

Anyhoo, next event:


Description: Self explanatory, no?
My qualification

Um, I’m pretty good at accidentally poking Boyfriend in the eye. It’s mostly an accident, I swear.


Results: GOLD! Actually, I’m the only one in this event:
It'll catch on eventually.
Description: The ability to drink (or, as some might say, “guzzle”) wine is a very important skill for girlfriends.  Why, you ask? Well, that’s a silly question. Don’t ask that. Just accept it as true.

My qualificationsI’m really good at drinking wine. Even when I try to not be.

Results: Clearly, I’m a gold medalist in this competition.

Total for Day One: 156.32

Part II is here.


  1. Hey, if curling or jumping on a trampoline is a sport at the Olympics, I don't see why assembling a grill or poking someone in the eye can't be.

    Stay tuned for the next episode when Gia goes up against a 12 year old Chinese girl who's been doping and meets her biggest challenge yet. No?

  2. I think we should petition the Olympic committee to make wine drinking a sport. I'm sure a lot of people would be interested in competing.

  3. I think if you combined wine drinking, pie making and grill assembly, that could be some sort of triathalon of Olympic girlfriend awesomeness, no?

  4. See? We've all been at BlogHer b/c YOU have not become suddenly unfunny.

    Suddenly FUNNIER? That, yes. Absolutely yes?

  5. I hope that one of the next events you win gold in is eating popcorn with a spoon!

  6. I may need to challenge you on the wine drinking competition. That's pretty much the only sport my lazy 30 year old ass still participates in regularly! You can have the rest free and clear. :-)

  7. I'm not really anyone's girlfriend, but I'd still like to compete against you in the wine drinking. I think you'd be fun to guzzle wine with. And guzzling wine by myself makes it seem like I have a problem. :/

  8. hahaha... we definitely need a wine drinking event.

  9. You can't be best girlfriend ever (You'll have to imagine the bold font, the all caps, the exclamation marks; I'm just not up to it at the moment.) unless there is chocolate, whipped cream, a mirror, and maybe a trapeze (depends on the competition).

    But since the bar for "good" girlfriend is "show up naked, bring beer", it's clear there is a lot of room for competition for "best girlfriend ever". Unless boyfriend is/was a monk.

  10. You need to watch out for that chick in blue she seems to be trying to move up with her two bronze medals so far... beware.

  11. I would watched these Olympics if they were to be televised.

  12. LOL I agree with T. Roger...if I would totally watch those Olympics!!! lol

  13. If there were a wine drinking competition, asking the participants to scale a podium is just hazardous. Whoever could scale those steps without breaking his/her teeth deserves a medal. "Suck it lesser females" should be your catch phrase.

  14. I win the gold in zombie-biting. You can try out for this sport by just randomly turning to your bf, hissing like a zombie and trying to bite him (gently... or not so much, if that's what you're into). If you do this right, you'll be rewarded with a hearty "what is the MATTER with you?!"

  15. I hope part II includes you're attachingyourselftoboyfriendandneverlettinggo skills ;-)

  16. Apple pie and the manly grill 3000 push you over the top. That is worth 2 gold medals.

  17. I like the idea of these. You're an allstar in the wine category.