I’m working a bit with our President/CEO,
a nice fiftysomething year old man who is not super great at technology. I’ve
been encouraging him to comment on the org’s facebook page more. Randomly, I clicked on his profile. And then
I saw it.
I immediately gchatted my ex coworker.
And you know that feeling where something awful is happening to someone other
than you, so it’s hilarious? I personally don’t know that feeling, but I think
she does.
Me: Do you
know about the "socialcam" controversy on facebook?
Ex Coworker: No
What is this?
Me: It's those trashy videos with salacious titles like "Look at
what happens when her top gets wet!" on Facebook
Ex Coworker: OH YES
I've seen it
Me: And once
you click on one of them, the app posts them all to your feed
and you might not realize it
and its embarrassing
Ex Coworker: Yep
Who did it?
Who?
Me: So, do
you see what I see <link to president's profile>?
THERE:
Ex Coworker: "Look at what the wind does to this girl's skirt!"?
Me: Right
This is awful
Ex Coworker: I mean
(ROFL)
there's not much that can be done
is there?
Me: HE NEEDS
TO REMOVE THE APP!
He has 500 friends!!
God knows what they're gonna see he
watches next
Ex Coworker: HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA
What are you going to do.
Me: Die
die die die
Ex Coworker: Send him an anonymous tip?
Me: Curl
under my desk
Throw up
Ex Coworker: Stop
stop
hahahahahah
Gia,
He's just a man.
Me:Ugh
Ex Coworker: Looking for a little peek at tush.
That's all
Me: UGH
I hate you
Ex Coworker: ROFL
Go give him a little talking to, and uncomfortable
hug, and be on your way!
Me:
HAHAHHAHAHA NO.
I can't
function.
Ex Coworker: Yes,
you can.
just a man
apparently, an ass man
but just a man.
Me: DEVIL
LADY
YOU ARE
Ex Coworker: I can't stop laughing
omg
best day ever
Me: I am half
laughing
half sobbing
half vomiting
Ex Coworker: i have SO many TOTALLY inappropriate comments
I'm like bubbling over with them
Guys, I know everyone looks at weird shit on
the internet. But there's a big difference between knowing that somewhere in
your subconscious, and being forced to address it with the president of your
company.
Me: God
What if I send him this link about
socialcam and how to remove it
and he doesn't get it
and I gave to go
“I CAN SEE YOU WATCHED THAT GIRL'S ASS”
Ex Coworker: Maybe he wants to put it out there that he wants to see a little
tush
Me: Shut it.
Okay, I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna send him an email.
Gonna do it.
 |
| I cringed so hard writing this. How awkward. |
Me: Fuck
I just sent it
Ex Coworker: YES
Me: I'd like
to take a two week vacation now please.
Ex Coworker: You're ahmahzing
Me: whimper
Thank god he's not in the office now.
Me: OH GOD HE
JUST CAME BACK
Ex Coworker: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
YESSSSS
Me: Hold me
I'm scared
Ex Coworker: You should be
he knows you know
Me: I'm just
praying he doesn't ask me to remove the app myself
Ex Coworker: Oh God I hope he does
dear sweet god let that happen
Me: WHY HASNT
HE READ HIS EMAIL YET
Ten minutes later, I get this response:
Me: FUCK
He doesn't know how to do it.
Ex Coworker: Oh boy
What's your play here, sister?
Me: Going to
the bathroom
Ex Coworker: to cry?
Me: and
hiding there for a few minutes
then I'll regroup
Me: (Five minutes later) Ok, I emailed
him I could come by and try
sniffle
Ex Coworker: Gooood luck
oh
and back out of the room
me: Die.
Twenty minutes later
Me: Ugh
I just did it
I feel dirty all over
Ex Coworker: Did he know you knew?
Me: Um yeah
First, he tried to do it
We couldn't remove the app the way the
article said
so I just clicked on the x on the item
itself
the ass item
And I told him not to click on anything
on facebook ever
and to keep an eye on his activity.
Ex Coworker: OMG
NO
What did he say????
OMG
Me: I was
matter o' fact
and we were both blatantly ignoring the
ass on his screen
Ex Coworker: I am SO impressed
SO impressed
Me: Yeah, and
in the meantime his wife (who also works at the org) sent me an email asking if
I have free time to help other coworker.
Ex Coworker: "Um I'm busy removing porn from your husband's fb page
Please back off."
Me: I should
tell my boss
YOU DONT EVEN KNOW
YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT I HAD TO DO
Ex Coworker: Was he like, embarrassed?
Me: Not as
embarrassed as he should have been.
At least, I don't think.
I'm not really sure.
I was avoiding eye contact.
Ex Coworker: You're a good person
that took balls
like I said
I'm impressed!
Me: Thanks
I feel dirty
Ex Coworker: I'm sure he does, too
Hug it out
Me: Jerk
no
Ex Coworker: LOL
I’m fairly traumatized.
 |
| You guys must have stories where you had to do mortifying things like that, right? Sharing is caring. |
Oh no. I can't imagine the circle of Hell you had to claw your way out of. Absolute nightmare. Wait until emails get sent without a subject and just a link from his email address.
ReplyDeleteIt reminds me of the time I taught my grandma what email is.
Hilariously uncomfortable.
LMAO THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxx
ReplyDeleteBahahahahaha! And THIS is why I don't trust Facebook. Or 50-year-old bosses.
ReplyDeleteOmg. Hilarious.
ReplyDeleteHa! This is awesome. I would be a little mortified.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I had to walk a fellow church member AND an pastor through this exact same thing. Both of them were "Girl gets caught stripping by father" or something like that. Mortifying.
ReplyDeleteOMG! That is horrifying and hilarious at the same time! You have way bigger balls than I do. I don't know what I would have done.
ReplyDeleteBuwahahahaaa - this is hilarious. Totes trauma for poor Gia, but good damn laugh for us.
ReplyDeleteFor really though, SocialCam is pure evil Big Brother stuff.
That was awesome. Pervy old dudes are hilarious... when you don't have to interact with them face to face.
ReplyDeleteOh the horror, the horror! That's worse than having to tell your dad to deal with his "porn history" on the family computer. So many nuanced levels of cringe.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good thing that cup of coffee is still in the microwave.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly why I hate computers and software when they try to be "helpful". Every now and then I go on a rampage through Fb and my various browsers making sure things are still set the way I want them to be, and deleting cookies, history, ect. No need for anyone to know about my sick fasciation with Shit Harper Does.
Oops, did I say that out loud?
LOL! They can't be paying you enough.
ReplyDeleteThis is good! Hahaha! My boss is equally technology challenged but fortunately, we do not need a facebook page for the Firm. He wouldn't do it even if we needed one. I bet your boss didn't really realize what had happened and probably didn't get that his action had caused that to be on his wall, hence the lack of necessary shame and embarrassment.
ReplyDeleteUGH! At my old job I'd come in and go on the computer and go to Google. Type in a letter or two and porn sites would be the last searched thing. Or I had to go in the history for soemthing I did previously. Nothing but porn. I never wanted to sit at MY desk again.
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome.
ReplyDeleteBut did you at least back out of the room? ;)
ReplyDeleteGood for you for helping the clueless old poon hound. Someone had to tell him about it. Or you could have just waited until one of his friends commented on his preferences. That would have been funnier. But yeah, you did the right thing.
Oh.my.god. This must've been really difficult. I would've had to *crack* at least one joke to him about it. There's no way I could've let it go.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHA. That was truly awesome. I am so glad you were forced to endure that so I may laugh at it now.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
I am in tears over here.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Fantastic post. You know how in cartoons when a character sees something horrible and scarring they get this shocked, wide eyed, slack mouthed look and then they slowly back out of the room without blinking? I picture you doing that and keeping it up all the way from his office back to your cubicle.
ReplyDeleteYears ago, I was at a Bible study. We read a little ditty 'bout Sodom and Gomorrah. A sweet little lady asked, What IS sodomy? I was the only one who knew. I never should have admitted it. Ever since then, sweet little old ladies have used me as their source for sexual information. It gets very embarrassing, as in, "Janie, what's the significance of 69?" Love your post. It's hilarious.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
That was hilarious! I'm an assistant and have to do weird stuff like that all of the time. One of my bosses asks me to help him put an attachment on his e-mail, every day, several times a day. He's even written down how to do it, I've even typed up a little instruction sheet on how to do this. I guess it's difficult to attach a document when you don't even know where you save your documents. LOL
ReplyDeleteOh that is so good!! Yes, I have a similarly horrific story, since you asked. In the late 90's, I was working at an ad agency. It was a small shop and they hadn't really caught up with the interwebs, so there were only 2 computers in the entire office that had access (and mine was one of them). We had to take turns. No joke. One day, I was going through my flies, and happened upon the web browser cache. There were pages and pages (and pages) of porn site links, all with date stamps ranging from midnight to 2am. I told my Art Director about it (so he wouldn't think it was me!). He had a hunch who it was, but "let it slide" this time. Well, 2 days later, it happened again. This time I laid down the law. I said either you tell him, or I will. It's just slightly disgusting that he's doing this ON MY COMPUTER and IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! Also, it was all gay porn (which I have zero problemo with, but his girlfriend might have). After my Art Director confronted the offender, he pulled me into the conference room to "apologize for his error in judgment - he was just curious!" ... I can't believe I just relieved that. I think I need to go take another shower and wash this memory off.
ReplyDeleteAnd by "relieved" I meant to say "relived". That was obviously a Freudian slip. Oh make it stop.
ReplyDeleteOhmygoodness. I've been seeing this socialcam business around. I thought it was legit, but still seemed fishy so I didn't click on anything.
ReplyDeleteTHANK GOD I DIDN'T.
He should change his password, too. That is too funny, but I feel sorry that you had to embrace the awkwardness and remove his ass-oogling history up close and personal. Oh boy.
ReplyDeleteHorrible! I cringed the whole time I was cracking up. My body is confused as to what emotion we are feeling right now.
ReplyDeleteTHIS!
ReplyDeleteThis is the best post ever Gia. And the worst post (because OMG how embarrassing), all rolled into one.
Ha ha oh I run into this stuff at my work all the time. Why do people ever click on that! None of those videos ever seem like something I would watch. You poor thing having to explain that and remove it.
ReplyDeletehahahaha Glad my only boss are my kids. The other boss I don't see her FB stuff lol
ReplyDeleteI found a folder with dozens of XXX videos on a laptop that my former employer, a white guy in his sixties, used at work. The thumbnails and titles of these videos made it clear that whoever downloaded them has a thing for older women. It's possible that his son saved the movies on the computer. I did the classy thing and deleted them all without saying a word to my employer.
ReplyDeleteI am so embarrassed for the poor guy. It's just so hard to avoid porn. It is too tempting to click on porn links, or so I have been told.
ReplyDeleteThat program is INSIDIOUS! I NEVER installed it, I swear, but then my friend said, Hey, my facebook just told me a video you looked at... AAAH! And this is AFTER I teased my Mom's friend who I was told was looking at "big butt" videos. I had to go here: http://heuge.com/2012/05/how-to-hide-all-by-socialcam-delete-socialcam-then-block-socialcam/ to find out how to remove AND block and I'm a professional nerd. Poor people like your boss will never figure it out!
ReplyDeleteNope.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Oh my goodness, I can't stop giggling! I'm rarely ever on my RL Facebook (I have a separate account for blog friends) so I haven't had that experience. Also, I have blocked all my bosses years ago.
ReplyDeleteAwk..ward!
ReplyDeleteWe should all post this as a public service announcement. I keep my husband's Facebook feed clean.
ReplyDeleteSOOOO glad I'm not on Facebook. Hilarious story.
ReplyDeleteOh hayull. Honey. I'd be in the pillow fort too. Mortifying!!! PS - your coworker? Love her! She gets best supporting actress in this story. Brilliant post.
ReplyDeleteThis is freakin' hilarious!! I died right along with you. I can't imagine having to deal with that!!
ReplyDeleteI run social media for my company. This may be my greatest fear that I was heretoforth unaware of.
ReplyDeleteFunny funny funny! I had to tell a friend he might want to remove that app. In fact I had to explain exactly how to do it. He wasn't watching porn but it was on the edge, bikini girls dancing, things like that. He was horrified when I told him all his FB friends could see it. He's not married, but still...
ReplyDeleteI think I said omg about 20 times during this post! Oh sosososososo awkward. But, your ex-coworker rocks!
ReplyDeletePlease tell me no "hugging it out" took place. Please. Ellen
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ReplyDeleteI loved this article, it was really funny the whole thing and the situation. Rock on!! X
ReplyDeleteHilarious, and brilliant. Good on you for going in there and de-assing his FB page. You are a super hero. Your friend is funny too :)
ReplyDeleteI had to take a very crusty teddy bear away from a prisoner during a cell search once.....does that count?
ReplyDeleteOh, you don't even want to know the worst of the cell search tales.
That is hilarious. I hate those freaking things. I suppose it really could have been worse. Ha!
ReplyDeleteOMG I'M IN TEARS!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is too much. Is there a bonus for this kind of thing? Maybe some hush money? You have to be able to cash in somehow...
ReplyDeleteThis was SO many shades of AWESOME!!!
ReplyDeleteSounds like you have excellent blackmail material, should the need arrive. ;)
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