NOTE: This post is a bit filthier and NSFW-ier than usual. Not in
the way the title suggests, but still. Consider this your warning. Also, linking up w/ the yeahwrite hangout grid!
So, Boyfriend and I went to a fancy dinner on Saturday.
Somehow, we got into a filthy discussion about blowjobs.
After dinner, we went into a smoke shop to get a new pipe
for Boyfriend. For his tobacco.
Anyhoo, so we go in and look at the glass pipes.
 |
| I swear that's pretty much exactly what they looked like. |
Anyhoo the woman behind the counter started engaging
Boyfriend about what he was looking for. He wanted a slightly larger metal
pipe, but the ones they sold were the same size as what he had. They only had a
few wooden ones.
Finally, Boyfriend picked out a wooden one and we stepped
out of the store. Where he could finally tell me, on the busy sidewalk outside, what he didn’t like about glass pipes.
 |
| I guess I probably should have figured that out myself. |
I tried to point out that they had some others:
 |
| He's kidding. He drove me home. And only tried to throw me out of the car twice. |
So that’s how I learned that Boyfriend would blow a guy for
one million bucks, maybe blow 50 guys for the power of invisibility, and
definitely would not smoke out of a penis pipe.
Do the 50 guys prepare first? Like they're all free of STD's, they shower real nice, and don't live in the same town so there's no real threat of seeing them again? And does it have to be in a row? Because I'm pretty sure oral sex works like the Saltines. After the first five, your mouth gets super dry. At least that's what I hear.
ReplyDeleteMight I recommend a small bubbler or water pipe for his, achem, tobacco? Not that I would know anything about either thing.
All excellent points to consider.
DeleteHmm... Those glass pipes are kind phallic now that I think about it.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry. As a man, I can confirm that men are fickle and contradictory creatures when it comes to homoerotica.
ReplyDeleteFor example, I would fellate a man for a briefcase full of cash, but I wouldn't allow a man to fellate me. Go figure.
Bwa ha ha ha. This cracked me up big time. I can't even imagine asking Daddy G about the chances if a million dollars were involved - he'd probably puke.
ReplyDeleteHahahaha!!! Too funny!!!
ReplyDeleteCan you ask him if he would give a hobo a blow job in exchange for 50 metal pipes?
Yup. Horrified. At least blowing one guy in exchange for a million is a real question. But to consider blowing 50 guys, in exchange for something that doesn't exist? Crazy talk.
ReplyDeleteDepends how much they paid me for the glass one.
ReplyDelete50 guys? Geez, what do you think I am? A congressman from Massachusetts?
I don't need to blow 50 guys. I'm already invisible to the world. *cue sad music*
ReplyDeleteLMAO, "50 is a lot of blowjobs, Gia"
ReplyDeletethis reminds me of a friend who got her boyfriend to stop smoking by offering him a bj a day for a year. true story. and it worked.
ReplyDeletenow that's a lot of bj's boyfriend!
I'm not going to type it... I'm not going to type it... oh, shit. Here we go:
ReplyDeleteLMFAO!
What about one guy 50 times? Invisibility is probably awesome! But I'm glad I'm not the only one who has inappropriate convos in public with their boyfriend. We were in the liquor store the other day and saw a bottle of tequila that was suggestively shaped.
ReplyDeleteThen I Instagram'd it!
Ugh. Boys. But a relief to know irreverence is as funny to someone else! Hiiiiiilarious. ;)
ReplyDeleteThis was hysterical! I can't believe you drew all of that too! It just added to the laughs. And glass pipes totally look like a penis!
ReplyDeleteIt took me longer than I'd care to admit that he wasn't buying the pipes for tobacco.
ReplyDelete*Blonde moment*
The boyfriend is a SAINT!
ReplyDeleteToo funny. Guys are so weird.
ReplyDeleteHe smokes tobacco from a pipe? Where did you get such a fancy boyfriend? I've been looking for one of those.
ReplyDeleteFifty blowjobs IS a lot, Gia! (most of us could manage that in an afternoon, but still....)
ReplyDeleteFunny this post should come up. My friends and I were having a conversation about this a few days ago. Except we went a little further once realizing we'd all blow a dude for just 10k. As for the
ReplyDelete50 blow jobs for invisibility. I'd do it if I was allowed to be invisible during the act.
Also, when I see a wooden pipe, I think tobacco. When I see a glass pipe, I think marijuana.
100k* ...Well, this is awkward.
Deletehahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaa
DeleteSure sure. Are you sure it wasn't ten dollars and a pack of cigarettes?
DeleteHaha! I bet you could easily have talked him into blowing 20 guys. 50 sounds like you'd get serious jaw damage. I mean like, 50 in a year or like 50 all at once?
ReplyDeleteBIG DIFFERENCE.
I'll eat pussy for a million.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Lola, who can't believe she admitted that
I'm with you, what does it matter if the pipe looks like a penis if he's by himself?
ReplyDeleteFifty BJs, on the other hand, is fifty dudes that could tattle-tale.
That's a lot of damage control.
LMAO A million dollars is a lot of money...but it is ironic about the pipes. Maybe it's an omen of the forseeable future!!
ReplyDeleteOh boyfriend! I'm really getting to love him. Though he's really sacrificing the tobacco flavor by going non glass. Shame really.
ReplyDeleteWhat IS it about guys and blow jobs? Blow jobs are the most terrific thing since Call of Duty if they're on the receiving end, but turn it the other way 'round. . . Sheesh. I'm pretty sure I'd blow a donkey for a million dollars.
ReplyDeleteGod, you two are so romantic!
ReplyDeleteanyone who says they wouldn't for a million is a liar.
ReplyDeleteWell, I'm no expert, but I would think the BJs could maybe have some medicinal benefit...just like his 'tobacco' :)
ReplyDeleteAre your dinners out together always like this? Also, how is BFs gag reflex?
ReplyDeleteCould I blow 50 guys to be able to fly? Cuz that would be awesome.
ReplyDeleteAlso I don't believe these "I wouldn't blow a guy for $1M" dudes because they SO would. If somebody offered my husband $1M for a BJ I would kill him, LITERALLY, if he turned it down.
Oh the images that are stuck in my head now ...
ReplyDeleteI love that Boyfriend is honest about the fact that he would, indeed, blow a dude for a cool mil, and possibly blow 50 for the Power of Invisibility.
ReplyDeleteHell, I'D blow 50 guys for a cool mil.
In fact, is that number retroactive?
Just asking...
That girl up there said pussy. Dirty (teehee). You do realize (unless you were just being evasive) that those glass pipes were actually for pot, right (allegedly)? I mean I could be wrong but allegedly I have only seen the glass pipes being used for wacky tobacky NOT actual tobacco. In retrospect (allegedly) I guess when you're high you don't notice the pipe looks like a weenie. Interesting. If I knew anything about that kind of stuff WHICH I DO NOT. Stop judging.
ReplyDeleteI feel like your jaw would lock after 50 blowjobs.. hell after 3 or 4!
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say... I ran across you blog only about a week ago and am loving it so far!!!
ReplyDeleteYou're posts are so darn cute, snarky, and hilarious all in one! And I freaking LOVE your illustrations. They are truly awesome.
Your posts are original. I loved this one. I can only imagine what your boyfriend was feeling... giggle :)
Keep up the great work! Thanks for bringing a smile to my day :)
I can't believe I've been married for 18 years and never asked him this question. Thanks for providing some more entertainment for my evening.
ReplyDeleteI just love your stories and little drawings. Your blog is the best.
ReplyDeletehttp://myfroley.blogspot.com
CRAZY FUNNY! I love your blog, lady. What does NSFW mean? I totes had to google "manscape". ::::STILL LAUGHING::::
ReplyDeleteP.S. Could you tweet me the answer? I really don't want to keep track of the fact that I asked you a question and have to keep coming back to see if you answered me. Although I would come back just to see those glass penis pipes again.
I think his anti-glass position is a bit strange.
ReplyDeletelol... I thought Hubs and I were the only couple that had the "would he for a million dollars" conversation....
ReplyDeleteMen are so inconsistent. Cracked me up when he turned green after the mention of "manscape." Ellen
ReplyDeleteI think it would be very awesome of you to buy an actual penis shaped glass pipe to have at your place, so if needed Boyfriend can "indulge" in his tobacco and you can be entertained.
ReplyDeletehahaha so fun! Love this! http://chooplah.blogspot.com
ReplyDelete