Boyfriend likes to call me shankapotamus. He calls me all
sorts of weird things all the time, so I didn’t think much of it. Until a
conversation like this happened:
Boyfriend: …golf shanks, which aren’t good…
Me: Wait, what’s the shanks?
Boyfriend: Blahblah-bad-golf-thing-blah.
Me: *thinking* waiiiit.
Boyfriend: What is it?
Me: SO WHEN YOU CALL ME SHANKAPOTAMUS, IT’S REAL THING?!?!
Boyfriend: Uhhh…
Me: YOU’RE CALLING ME A CROSS BETWEEN A HIPPOPOTAMUS AND A
BAD GOLF THING THAT I DON’T QUITE UNDERSTAND!
Boyfriend: It’s just an expression.
 |
| Also "just an expression." |
Boyfriend’s also having a hard time with his golf game. I sexified
him a few weeks ago, but that wore off and he’s still slicing the ball or the
swing or something.
So last week, I got him a t-shirt. The front looks like this:
And the back, this:
Beautiful, right? This texting happened soon after:
Boyfriend: I may have fixed my slice
Maybe
Me: Were you wearing the shank shirt?!?!?
Behold the power of shankapotamus
Boyfriend: No it’s in
the laundry
Me: Still, since you own it now.
Boyfriend: Power
Of the ‘potomus
Yaaaay!!! A few days later, Boyfriend went golfing and things went much, much better. I fixed you, Boyfriend.
 |
| You're welcome. |
I have no idea what shanking is either (just not that into you, golf), but this shankapotomus thing is brilliant. Love the shirt. Hopefully it will help your boyfriend stay on his game. :-)
ReplyDeleteNot to be all nit picky here - but it does concern me a bit that you let your boyfriend call you part hippo..
ReplyDeleteI thought shanking was about stabbing people. You know, as in "I am going to shank you with this shiv I made from a toilet paper tube, an old toothbrush and a sliver of soap." So I figured a "shankapotomus" was an exceptionally stabby creature. Which (don't get mad) kind of fits because you talk about stabbing people all the time. And hippos are really vicious and stab people with their tusks. It just made sense.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I am with Heather. I thought maybe you were stabbing him a little during arguments. That's always fun, but like, illegal.
ReplyDeleteLike HeatherL, I thought shanking was a prison term. So your "stabby in the weenie" comment was all the more apt.
ReplyDeleteSo you're now embracing the nickname? This may haunt you in the future as far as pet names go.
When I was wooing him, his favorite nickname for me was Chupacabra (eventually upgraded to Chupalita). I'm used to it.
DeleteI may need you to at least post a picture of the shirt on my own blog.
ReplyDeleteAfter months of reading I have to say...you are at your funniest when threatening to stab somebody.
Why thank you! I'm sure that pleases Boyfriend to hear...
DeleteHippos kill 3,000 people each year. Vending machines kill 13. I may have to date a vending machine, instead. Safer.
ReplyDeleteLol, love this post! Almost died laughing when you said that you were going to stab him in the penis! And it's all the better with Boyfriend adding his bit here in feedback. It's been forever since he's made an appearance! In fact, doesn't he still owe us a post?
ReplyDeleteIt's funny how you threatened to get stabby after discovering the meaning of shank...
ReplyDeleteoh, uh, wait....I read "skank...apotamus. I thought the zombies were back. sorry, my bad. Play through.
ReplyDeleteWhen you said you were going to stab him, that made you a whole different sort of Shankapotamus. And then I read That White Girl's comment and saw this has been said before. I'm always late to the game, but at least I show up. :)
ReplyDeleteI see a lucrative career in Pro Golf in your future. They need innovative coaches like yourself.
ReplyDeleteI love that shirt so hard! We tend to use the "kick you in the nuts" expression here.... just saying....
ReplyDeleteI thought shanking was about sex? Oh wait, or is that shagging? Either way, this post is HILARIOUS. I thought your hippo drawing was way better than the t-shirt. You should totally make your own shirt.
ReplyDeleteWow. Gia does not joke around. 'I will stab you in the penis' is my new favorite sentence.
ReplyDeleteNot sure what that says about me.
I want a shirt that says "I will stab you in the penis."
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
Ok, before we figure our what shanking is, I need someone to explain this whole golf thing. I just don't get it.
ReplyDeleteI just asked my golf-pro friend for the definition of the word,' shank'. He said it means a really fucking terrible shot.
ReplyDeleteSo there you go.
You're a cross between a hippo and a bad shot.
I think boyfriend owes you.
Theresa and I give each other weird nicknames all the time too. Well, it's more inside jokes that turn into nicknames.
ReplyDeleteCan you fix my running? I'd like to run more and walk less. Google it. Thank you. I will love you forever. Just email me and I'll give you my address.
ReplyDeletewhat would he do without you?
ReplyDeleteBoyfriend is so lucky to have you.
ReplyDeleteLMAO Shankopotomaus. I'm totally stealing that...
ReplyDeleteThat's a really cute shirt!! And I love hippo.
ReplyDelete