…and it was traumatic. Well not really.
 |
| My inner self can't lie to you guys. |
We drove 4 hours to a neighboring city and stayed in a hotel
room for two nights. The point of the trip was to go to a family baptism, but
it was a mini-vacation for us. Filled with family on top of family and more
family.
Here’s the 3 top things that traumatized me:
1. The Car Ride
My sister drove. (Yes, the one who is reading 50 Shades of Grey.) We had multiple discussions about when it would be best to leave. I strongly encouraged leaving earlier, because I knew we'd hit Friday-before-Memorial-Day-traffic in the afternoon. It happened like this:
2. The hotel room.
There were two double beds, and three of us.
See, I’m not really a fan of touching other people. With one exception, of course.
I did NOT want to share a bed with my sister. The conversation went something like this:
Me: They’re not even queens!
Sister: They’re not that bad. It’ll be fun
Me: No it won’t! I want my space!
Sister: C’mon, just try.
And then this happened:
In case you’re wondering, the sofa bed was NOT comfortable.
3. The Walk.
What walk, you ask? The one mile walk from the hotel to the
baptism site that my mom and sister told me “wouldn’t be that bad.” See, normally I wouldn’t mind walking a mile.
But not when I’m dressed up and it’s 90 degrees and sunny and humid.
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| Use your imagination. |
We ended up at the church in a sweaty stinky mess. Of
course, people wanted to take pictures. Can't wait to see those on facebook.
Guys, that was just the top three. There were plenty of
other moments that I won’t get into, but needless to say, it was rough. There was
a lot of texting like this:
Me: OEHSOFHLIRBNSDGgliseng flurgie
Boyfriend: Flurgie?
Me: Blurghieflurgh.
Boyfriend: Wine??
Me: I DON’T HAVE ANY!!!!
Boyfriend: Go get some.
Me: I’m laying on a piece of cardboard. This sucks. Worse than futon.
Boyfriend: Oooof
Me: I refuse to share a bed with my sis cuz she doesn’t wear
pants.
Boyfriend: Take a pic.
Luckily, everything turned out okay. Mostly because we found
a liquor store.
Hahaha! Of course alcohol solves everything!!!
ReplyDeleteGia, this was an awesome post! One of your best! Made me laugh until I cried lol... that part about finding yourself in bed with your sister - and then your sister not wearing pants was sublime! And, of course, it really got to me when you wouldn't touch your sister but would happily hang onto Boyfriend lol... Really brilliant! :-)
ReplyDeleteI remember having to share a hotel bed with brother once in middle school. He would not shut up and go to sleep so I ended up sleeping on the floor
ReplyDeleteQuite the adventure. Filled with tense action, nudity, and booze. (That was my Ebert like review.) No pants in bed with your sibling? You made the right choice. Wait, what if the no pants was her nefarious plan to get the bed to herself? Cunning.
ReplyDeleteBlurghieflurg has to be the worst feeling ever. Glad you had wine to make it all better :)
ReplyDeleteThat drawing of you after your night on the cardboard pull out sofa made me choke on my soda! You nailed it! That is exactly what it feels like after sleeping on one & yes, most of them are worse than a futon. Glad you all found a liquor store and you could ease the pain in your neck & back...or at least not care about it! ;-)
ReplyDeleteYou had me laughing at the drawing after a night on the sofa! So damn funny! We've all had nights like that and feel like that in the morning! You captured it so well!
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a nightmare. The picture of you with the crooked neck seriously made me have tears of laughter. So cute.
ReplyDeleteOh no! Sounds like a terrible weekend....until the wine that is!
ReplyDeletei cant share too ! hahaha. hmm, i have a baptism to attend this weekend.
ReplyDeleteBah, that doesn't sound too fun, but liquor solves all problems. So I'm assuming in the end it was good.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I saw my mother drinking red wine with ice in it and immediately thought of this blog.
I can share! But I generally wear pants.
ReplyDeleteI would have never survived a trip like that without booze.
ReplyDeleteI remember travelling with my future MIL to see my future hubby graduate from police college.....except since I didn't pack my crystal ball I didn't know about future. I'd only been dating him a couple of months at that point. And I had to share a hotel room bed with her. Now she's perfectly lovely....no regrets she's my MIL....however, it will always be in the back of my mind that I technically slept with his mother, before him.
ReplyDeleteisn't that just wrong on so many levels??
Two things. One, going anywhere for anything with family is in no way, shape or form a vacation. Is that clear?
ReplyDeleteTwo, Hubs and I stayed at a motel the night before his father's funeral in March. We asked for a queen but got a double and by the time we realized what size it was we were both too exhausted to complain and ask for another room. Hubs is 6'6". I'm 5'10". Neither of us is skinny. Now you have some idea of what it would be like for us to share a double bed. But we tried. Unfortunately there was just no way. Hubs ended up sleeping on the floor (no pull-out option), leaving me with the bed. Sigh. What a good husband I have!
Glad it eventually worked out Gia. Welcome back!
Where do they find those hotel beds? Dwarfland? Because they are TINY.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I don't sleep with pants on. But I tend to only sleep with the husband, so it's fine.
wine makes everything better... even if it has ice in it.
ReplyDeleteI'd rather kill myself than travel with my sister or yours. Don't have to worry about my mom. Her ashes are buried.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!
ReplyDeleteI also hate sleeping in the same bed as people,(other than my girlfriend). It freaks me out.
Blurghieflurgh - best word ever.
This post cracked me up!
Oh gawd, Gia, I can just picture it (and not just 'cause, you know, of your pictures)! As soon as you said you had to walk a mile for a baptism, I wanted to cry for you. In Jersey it was a THOUSAND degrees/humid last weekend, and there is NOTHING worse than sweating when you're dressed up and bound to wind up in photo-tag-a-palooza on Facebook.
ReplyDeleteI was with you every step of the way. I hope you weren't wearing panty hose to this shindig. That would have sucked what with all the sweat and all. You are hysterical!
ReplyDeleteLOL. Iced wine is a winner! Also if you're sharing a bed pants are mandatory. Can I assume she was at least wearing underwear?
ReplyDeleteThe ice was the first thing I looked for.
ReplyDeleteOh, wow this was hilarious! I need to remember when I can't draw stuff just to come out and say it haha!
ReplyDeleteI drive nowhere with my family. They talk and make eye contact with me while I have a heart attack. Seriously, look at the road when you drive, people!
ReplyDeleteOne mile walk in 90 degree weather? Geez, you must have melted.
ReplyDeleteDecades later I'm still traumatized by all the bed sharing I had to do with my Sister when we were younger. We took the train from Ontario to Nova Scotia and had to share a bunk. Her toe would accidentally venture on my side and touch me. My entire foot would lash out and "touch" her back. It sucked. For both of us.
ReplyDeleteI haaaaaaaaate sharing a bed with my sister. She is such a bed hog and is so cranky about it.
ReplyDeleteI hope I don't have to share a bed with my brother in China. Probably will have to though in some of the hotels.
ReplyDeleteEek! No pants, so not cool.
ReplyDeleteI love this post! ps. I sleep with no pants. :)
ReplyDeleteLOL. You describe it so well, I can just see the whole thing going down in my head.
ReplyDeleteOn a road trip with my mother and sister? That would be might worst nightmare come true. Glad it went alright for you and you found that liquor store!
Bahahaha the awesomeness of family vacations. It's always bound to be a disaster!
ReplyDeleteBahahahaha you get me every time! I'm a sucker for a good demonstrative drawing. Hilarious and reminds me oh so much of my mom, my sister and I and the "bonding" time we often try to have. Usually 2 out of 3 end up pissed.
ReplyDeleteSeriously? Not even a pair of shorts? I would have taken the couch too.
ReplyDeleteRough weekend, but that's still no excuse to ruin a perfectly good glass of wine by putting ice in it.
ReplyDelete(Kellie's World)
whew. glad you found that wine. yikes :)
ReplyDeleteI would love to type something witty right now but I'm laughing too hard. My sister has pulled the no-pants thing on me before and it didn't go over well here either. Haha!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! Love the picture of crooked you!
ReplyDeleteYes to Michelle's comment of the crooked you, and I adore the tiny ice cubes!
ReplyDeleteWell, the whole thing was Bwahaha as usual, but you killed by drawing the ice cubes in the wine. I don't know why I care because my wine is how the rest of the population and I like it, but it drives me nuts that my MIL does that. Ellen
ReplyDeleteFunny, funny and funny. I'm about to leave on a trip to visit family. For two nights I have to share a bed with my sister or sleep on the floor. She better wear pants! Ice in wine... yikes. I live in wine country - oh the looks one would receive if anyone around here witnessed such a faux pas!
ReplyDeleteugh..I DESPISE sharing beds. I am glad you found wine though.
ReplyDeleteAh wine does a road trip good.
ReplyDeleteI bet that mile-long walk was extra fun after sleeping on the sofa bed. Good times!
ReplyDeleteSo funny! And ew - she wanted to share a bed without wearing pants?!
ReplyDeleteLOL!! I slept in a camper bed once that is probably a distant cousin to that sofa bed!
ReplyDeleteLove it. I feel like the "crooked" you every morning I get up now. Age. And with a sister, I can really identify. Though she is the uber organized one and I would be the one driving her CRAZY.
ReplyDeletehaha, I still have to share a bed with my sister when my family travels, but I don't mind sharing. Can't say the same for her, because apparently I'm a sleep-kicker. Who knew?
ReplyDeleteIt should be universally known that only husbands or partners are allowed into the bed without pants - and even that is not always desirable. Hilarious blog. I draw cartoons on my blog too but yours are about a thousand times better - you nailed the car! My cars look more like the window at the drive thru. Look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, this made me laugh! Awesome post!
ReplyDeleteI soooo do not like to share beds either. Husband only and even then, once in a while, I like the bed to myself.
Some family members can only be tolerated after several glasses (or bottles) of wine.
ReplyDeleteI don't sleep with pants, either. Please don't hate me.
LOL! I am having some wine right now---but not with ice.
ReplyDelete;-)
I don't have a sister (always longed for one), so not sure how i'd feel about the no pants thing.
snort!
Am crying with laughter! I can't believe the no pants thing bothers you from your sister, but you don't being touched, so I guess I get it. Anyway, this was hilarious!
ReplyDeletefunny shit, Gia, very, very funny. :))
ReplyDeleteSo funny! If I had a sister I don't think I'd want to share a bed with her, either, pants or no pants! Ice cubes in wine! Oh-no-she-di-ent!
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA! I thought my husband's mom was the only woman who put ice in her wine. This is priceless. Hope your back has cracked back into place. :P
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who puts ice in her wine too like your mom but for pete's sake it's whine wine. Come on Momma Gia! At least tell her to try blush wine and add cherry 7up. Or maybe start buying her Franzia. It gets the job done and it goes in the fridge.
ReplyDeleteI HATE being hot and sweaty in fancy clothes, walking, and having to go somewhere nice and show up like a gross mess.
Glad you survived :)
I love the traffic episode, because that is so true!! No one ever listens to dire warnings of terrible traffic and then they are shocked when they are stuck in the same spot for hours.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I put ice in my wine :/
LOL at "I'mma cut you."
ReplyDeleteActually, I laughed throughout all of this. Well told and illustrated, as usual.
Awww... hilarious! I love the traffic part LOL it's like, duh! i told you so.
ReplyDeleteOh man! I'm not wearing any pants either!
ReplyDeleteHa ha your sister is keeping it in the family. The no pants plus what she is reading is very worrying. Cheeky boyfriend asking for a pic.
ReplyDeleteHaha! I don't like the whole sleepover bed sharing thing either!
ReplyDeleteI was caught off guard by the fact you had the bottle and a glass in your hand. I would have tossed the glass and just drank from the bottle. I'd need it after the pantless bed jaunt.
ReplyDeleteI bet if you had taken off your pants and underwear your sister would have moved to the futon of notre dame instead!
ReplyDeletehttp://chooplah.blogspot.com