Thursday, June 28, 2012

Happy Birthday, Boyfriend!

 …kinda. Okay, it’s not REALLY Boyfriend’s birthday. His birthday is in September. However, we've been celebrating some birthdays and decorating cubicles/desks at work. 
I sit right by Boyfriend's department, and one of my coworkers/his employees pointout out that we should celebrate his birthday. Another coworker swore that she remembered it was in July.

Conversations like this happened:

Coworker 1: We need to figure out his birthday!
Me: Yeah, did you guys ever celebrate it in the other office?
Coworker 2: It's July. I know it's in July. 
Me: Oh okay. Cool. 

Coworker 3: Let's facebook stalk him!
Me: *pretending I haven't done that a million times* Oh, look at that. His profile is mostly hidden. Sadness.
Coworker 3: His birthday isn't on it! Boooo.
Me: I. Am. Shocked. 

Coworker 4 (the troublemaking one): Of all people, Gia, YOU don't know when it is?
Me: Nope. 

Coworker 1: Hey,  why don't we just celebrate it next Friday?
Me: Sounds good!
Coworker 1: He definitely won't expect it on a random day. 
Coworker 2: Perfect! It'll coincide with Hawaiian Shirt Friday!

[Hawaiian Shirt Friday is something started by a manager as a way of bringing a tiny bit of joy into the office. Boyfriend started wearing one, too.]

And then, genius struck.

Me: Guys, I have a ton of old decorations from when my family threw a luau-themed graduation party!
Coworker 1: Perfect.

Look, a Hawaiian Lady pinata!

Complete with glory hole: (the poor man's inflatable doll).

Then Boyfriend told me he was taking Friday off. So we decided to celebrate on Wednesday instead. On Tuesday, after Boyfriend left, we decorated the ever-loving shit ouf of his office. Look:

And then he told me he wasn't coming in on Wednesday (needs to take care of his kid).

Sigh. So he should see it today, Thursday. I'm hoping he's super surprised this morning. Hence why this post is going up a bit late. I didn't want him to decide to read it from home this morning and have it ruined. I only wish I could get up at the asscrack of dawn, so I could see his face when he comes in ungodly early. 
But please don't really have sex with my pinata.


  1. In all seriousness, the best thing about having sex with a piñata would have to be finishing in one hard thrust, and then candy coming out of it. You can't tell me every woman in the world wishes men ejaculated candy. You can't. Did I miss the point of this?

    1. Yeah, pretty sure women don't want candy shooting into their hoo-has. Kinda unsanitary.

      Although it would probably greatly increase the number of BJs received, so you might be onto something here.

  2. Hmmm, are you sure he isn't onto your plans. Party on Friday . . . "I'm taking off Friday." Party on Wednesday . . . "I'm taking off Wednesday." Are you sure he's coming in TODAY??

    I can imagine he will be quite surprised at a birthday celebration a full 3 months early! Can't wait for his reaction.

    And do they still not know you are dating? Is that against the rules or something?

  3. I'm with misty, keep your candy out of my vagina! Oh, sorry, back to the topic at hand.

    This is awesome. And the reason I don't ever work on my birthday. If I came to work and my cubicle was decorated like that it would send me in to an OCD tailspin. "That's not how my office is supposed to look! wwwaaaahhhhh!"

    I can't wait to hear about his reaction. My boyfriend's birthday was yesterday, but he lives in another town, so his office was safe. I am taking him out Saturday, which isn't nearly as fun as decorating his office with paper tiki decor.

  4. A very merry unbirthday to you, Mayor Gia's boyfriend!

  5. Travis wins. That was hilarious and probably spawned a new fetish.
    Oh the subterfuge you must go through to hide your relationship. But that's part of the fun, no?

  6. I want a fake birthday! Great idea. Do we need to worry about zombie slut pinata girls now? Hope not!

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  8. Stupid typos... How fun! Mine's in November so nothing "fun" takes place. And by fun I mean drunken BBQ's or a pool party. Luckily my 1/2 birthday is in May!

  9. Men don't care when you celebrate their birthdays, as long as it includes birthday sex.

  10. I can't wait for the follow up! I want to know a) did he enjoy his random birthday and b) did he have sex with hula girl pinata??

  11. I think he should leave that decor up until September!

  12. But then in September what happens? He's largely ignored?

  13. Haha... love how you played along with the whole thing! The decorations look great! I can't wait to hear how he liked his fake b-day!

  14. That is the most hilarious thing ever done to someone. I should do this with my girlfriend. Lie to all her friends about when her birthday is and then celebrate it early. :P

  15. Well played. Ah, you are so hard to dislike. Not that I tried. Please tell us how he reacted to all that beauty.

  16. That is every possible kind of awesomeness there is. Now I want a fake birthday.

    And a pinata with a glory hole.

  17. Fake birthdays are almost better than real birthdays in my book. You get all of the benefits, cake, candy filled vaginas...I mean pinatas and presents without any of the negatives - actually aging!

  18. I would have played that whole thing EXACTLY like you. Awesomesauce. Please post ASAP.

  19. LMAO this is AMAZING!!! I want a follow up! xxx

  20. Wow! That definitely looked like it was some kind of party! :D Happy (not) Birthday to him!

    -Barb the French Bean

  21. Funny! What day is he for reals in Sept? I'm the 14th. One time, a friend of mine got a pinata for her daughter's birthday party. She had all the kids line up with the stick and go through the line taking a whack at it. Finally, it cracked open. But it was empty. And all the kids were sad. She didn't realize they didn't come with the candy already in them.

  22. Hope BF enjoyed his fake b-day!

  23. And you aren't worried about the broken pinata becoming a zombie in search of more candy to stuff it's guts with, and settling for boyfriend because clearly he's such a sweety? Sounds like you're missing a bet there Gia. I wouldn't want to have you overlook something to worry about. I'm helpful like that. You're welcome...

  24. I'm a few days late, so have a belated not-yet happy birthday, Boyfriend...?