Soooo, remember how I built a grill (with minimal help from
Boyfriend)? This conversation recently happened:
Boyfriend: Saw your post today.
Me: Yep! I am a GRILL BUILDING MACHINE! I should put that
under special skills my resume.
Boyfriend: Mmmhmm.
Me: What?
Boyfriend: I thought it was interesting how you conveniently
didn’t mention how many screws you had left over. Or the handle.
Me: Oh yeah…I forgot about that.
Boyfriend: Sure, and I haven’t been googling prices of
Ukrainian hookers.
Me: Wait, WHAT?!
Anyhoosies, I need to explain one tiny little thing on the
grill.
So, I had to screw the handles on two doors. Each handle
required two bigger screws. That means I needed four big screws, for all you
people are aren’t good at math. This was essentially the last step before
popping the doors in and being done.
However, this is what I was left with:
That is three big screws and three small screws. I am
convinced that they gave us two extra small screws, and that I had somehow
accidentally used a big screw somewhere when a small screw would do.
Or, the manufacturer messed up. Either way, that means one
handle got two screws, but the other one is only held on by one.
Some may say this makes me a failure at grill building, but
I disagree. I believe this tiny hiccup
just shows I’m a fallible human being. And really, shouldn’t Boyfriend be glad
to hear that? There would be a lot of pressure on him if his girlfriend were
ABSOLUTELY PERFECT. You’re welcome,
Boyfriend.
Really, I did it for us.
If it still works, you still did it right...kind of...with artistic interpretation.
ReplyDeleteThis is exactly what happens when I'm asked to put together an Ikea anything. I had to build and rebuild a bookshelf around 5 times...more or less...most likely more.
How dare he question your grill building skills? Rude!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, you aren't going to use those handles anyway, so good building. I have an entire shoe-box filled with left over and mystery screws from projects.
ReplyDeleteI like Pickleope's sentiment that you still did it right...with artistic interpretation. It's like a minimalist expression of said grill. Plus, now you have spare parts for emergency use, no?
ReplyDeleteAnd now I miss my grill.... come on 3:30! Gotta get home to hug my grill and fire that bad boy up! If only I could heat things up with my wife like I do my grill...
ReplyDeleteI like that you are smart enough to have the foresight to know that perfectly building that grill would've probably led to bad, bad things. You are bsically a relationship genius which now excuses you from that one silly handle.
ReplyDeleteEthan Thane is right..you will never need to use that handle anyway. There is nothing to see behind that door. Boyfriend should consider this little personality quirk of "insufficient screw utilizer" one of your many endearing qualities.
ReplyDeleteNothing a bit of superglue won't fix!
ReplyDeletePah, who needs handles? I've been living my life without handles for 12 years now, and I've never looked back. It did make answering the door a little more difficult, but turnstyles soon solved the problem.
ReplyDeleteSuggestion. . .
ReplyDeleteTake the one screw out, take the screw to the hardware store (a local one, not Home Depot, although that would work in a pinch) and say "can you match this?"
And they'll say, "yeah!"
The screw will cost like $0.30. Then you take it home without your BF knowing and the next time you grill he'll be like, "hey, how'd the handle get fixed?"
And you'll say, "what are you talking about, it was never broken."
I know mechanical engineers that cannot assemble a BBQ grill. I took one look at the parts list, and paid extra for an assembled one. For self-assembly, getting heat to the grill with no fuel spewing out is a perfect score. Congratulations.
ReplyDeleteBesides, Ukrainian hookers are over-rated. Norwegian ones, however, say no more.
Pssssshhhh it still can GRILL can't it? tell him to quit whining :)
ReplyDeleteI am pretty sure every tweaker carnie who ever put together a ride gets done and has AT LEAST six screws in his hand. Those rides rarely fall apart. I call success on this one.
ReplyDeleteHand him the extra screws and say, "Screw you, Boyfriend!" Yes, a lame attempt at a pun on words but I think you may just slightly chuckled a bit! ;-) Happy Grilling!
ReplyDeleteJust discovered your blog. You have some really funny stories here :)
ReplyDeleteAsk robot girlfriend if you can borrow one of hers.
ReplyDeleteWell most packaged assembly items come with extra parts. Also, I've had to deal with some that were missing parts. Eseentially, you'll never come across an object that requires assembly that has the exact right amount of parts. I like saying 'parts' apparently.
ReplyDeleteUmm.. if and when the time comes to a assemble a baby crib, let Boyfriend do it.
ReplyDeleteThis post makes me giggle like a 12 year old because the word 'screws' is in it so many times. And the kitchen knife is awesomely hilarious!
ReplyDeleteLove the knife Gia! And how casually you're holding it! LOL! BF better watch out. I once put together a vacuum cleaner we'd bought. I got tired of waiting for my first husband to do it and figured "how hard could it be?" Easy peesy and worked like a charm!
ReplyDeleteI don't think a DIY project is done right unless you end up with extra screws.
ReplyDeleteDuct tape, toothpicks, rubber bands and a Swiss Army knife. That's all you need to ever fix anything. I'm old school in my approach. Learned everything I needed to know about home repair from MacGyver.
ReplyDeleteThey gave you extra screws. You built it perfectly. My blog is no longer private. We are open to the public and accepting new members. Best of all, Lola returns next week. She's a hoot, and she has great hooters. We're still at www.dumpedfirstwife.blogspot.com.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie Lola
They put in the extras to make you question your awesomeness. NEVER question your awesomeness. That's the man's way of bringing you down.
ReplyDeleteThe grill just has personality. That's all.
Heather beat me to it but I was going to say duct tape as well......the handyman's seceret weapon. (or handywoman's)
ReplyDeleteIf that handle really bothers you that much you can always go to the nearest hardware store and buy 1 screw.
ReplyDeleteThat be kind of weird though I think. Just buying 1 screw...
Tell boyfriend you were smart enough to beat the stupid directions. Only dummies use all the screws.
ReplyDeleteTell him you came up with your own design because you're more awesome than those noobs who follow manuals.
ReplyDeleteAs long as it doesn't fall apart, it was a success.
ReplyDeleteJust buy some 'No Nails' - sorted.
ReplyDeleteWho needs handles anyway?
We just bought a trunk load of furniture from Ikea. It is safe to say, I know your pain! Love Elle xo
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job! I'd have probably just drilled a hole and stuck a stick in there to do the job, but your grill has character. A lot like your blog, which I love.
ReplyDeleteThis is great!
ReplyDeleteI think your grill looks happy! Handles are for losers!
ReplyDeleteYou're a giver.
ReplyDelete~The G is Silent
Ha ha I think you have a screw loose.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to think you did it for the rest of us girls with boyfriends as well. Can't have you setting the bar too high that our boyfriends see it and come to expect the same from us. Cause I sure as shit ain't building a bbq. I struggle with Legos.
ReplyDeleteThe handle has no impact on your ability to grill tasty treats which means that you in fact did build a perfect grill. The handle is irrelevant!
ReplyDeleteOooo, I hate when I get done putting something together and there are left over screws/mismatched pieces. Grrr.....
ReplyDeleteScrew those screws! You built a grill. That automatically makes you awesome.
ReplyDelete...Although I am wondering how the Ikea version of grill-building would be.
-Barb the French Bean
HAHAHA, loose screws. Oh this is a gem of a post.
ReplyDelete