So last week, three coworkers and I decided to go out for a
work lunch. It was cursed. Here are the things that were NOT GOOD about it.
NOT GOOD: When you think you’re going to a work lunch, and
it’s actually a drinkfest.
So, I thought we were going out to eat and were going to
have a drink too, no big deal. Two of them proceeded to only order drinks ($2
PBRs). The other coworker was a bit surprised too, so he got an appetizer and a
drink. As did I.
 |
| No, I did NOT get a pbr. |
The thing is, I really don’t want to drink at work. I’m not even saying, “Oh, I like it but I
know I shouldn’t…” I just don’t want to
– I like to be clear headed when I’m at work. I can have a drink to fit in with
a group, but it’s really not necessary. I drink enough at night that I really
have no desire to start drinking during the day, too. I have my limits.
Anyhoo, okay. Whatever. It’s a drinkfest.
NOT GOOD: When two of your coworkers leave the table
temporarily, and the third one calls you out for gchatting Boyfriend all day.
For those of you who don't know, Boyfriend and I work for the same organization but we don’t tell anyone at work that we’re
together. It’s actually not against the
rules at all. It’s more of this:
 |
| I would like to have about 5 billion business cards of this. |
Anyhoo, this conversation happened as soon as one coworker
got up to use the bathroom and the other one went to her car to get some
cigarettes:
Coworker: You talk with Boyfriend ALL the time
Me: Heh…what?
Coworker: I see him gchatting you ALL day.
Me: Ha…nooo……
Coworker: Before we moved offices and I met you, I
thought “Gia” was the name of his girlfriend.
Me: Haha…not true.
NOT GOOD: When you run into another coworker there.
Yep. That happened. He saw us sitting at a table drinking.
Awkward.
[Side note: I feel like I should add that besides getting
called out, the lunch conversation was actually really fun. I work with some
crazy weed-smoking peeps.]
Anyhoo. Let’s continue:
NOT GOOD: When you run into a motherfucking board member at
lunch.
Yeah, that happened.
Apparently we went lunch drinking at the most popular restaurant ever.
EVEN WORSE: When the board member comes over to say hi, one
coworker is smoking and all of you have empty glasses in front of you.
FUUUUCK.
Last NOT GOOD thing: When you get back from your two hour
lunch (even though you’re only supposed to take an hour), you have missed
calls/emails from your CEO from AN HOUR AND A HALF earlier.
People take long lunches all the time, so it wasn’t a huge
deal to be gone that long once in awhile. But seriously. It was like the cherry on top of a YOU’RE FUCKED sundae.
Here’s a nice bowl of
it.
Mmmmmm you're fucked sundae. The most delicious of...oh, wait, it's a bad thing. Right.
ReplyDeleteDo they watch too much Mad Men and think drinking at work is cool? Everyone knows that in order to deal with work, you drink at breakfast, not lunch. It's common knowledge.
Doesn't seem like you got fired, so no harm no foul, right?
Grow some balls Gia. Just because everybody else is drinking doesn't mean you have to. And there's two very handy words. "Gotta go." Then you do. My rule for leaving drinking parties is to use those two magic words when they start talking about ordering shooters. You know it's going to get stupid.
ReplyDeleteI simply can't do naughty or silly things I am always caught out. Yip that Sundae is permanantly mine.
ReplyDeleteYou know a "you're fucked sundae" could have totally different connotations and could be like heaven... if by fucked you meant the good way...mmm :)
ReplyDeleteYou shoulda left! :)
That lunch was doomed from the start! Too bad Boyfriend didn't show up and shut the inquisitive guy up - although, not such a brilliant idea since that would have only confirmed his suspicions. Ahh well. (Bozo - had to change my name)
ReplyDeleteLOL The risks of drinking on the job. Wait, does lunch break count as "on the job"? Hmmm
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping you still have a job!
ReplyDeleteI got drunk at work once... it was my birthday and my co-worker from the Barbados brought in rum punch that we drank at the pizzeria for my bday lunch. I was toasted for the rest of the day and did no work and bothered everyone.
You should have known it was a trap the moment you were offered PBR.
ReplyDeleteI'm one to talk, though. At my last job, we had beer Fridays where someone would bring in a 24 pack and we'd just drink and work. That was awesome.
I'll still take one of those sundaes though.
We drink at work all the time. Oh wait, I probably am not supposed to say that. Actually, that isn't true. But we seem to have events all the time at my job, and invariably there is alcohol, so it's kinda sanctioned. Last friday, in fact, we had mimosas at a secretary's day brunch. Sometimes I love my job (pretty much only when alcohol is involved, actually. I'm not an alcoholic, by the way. Just have a really crappy job!).
ReplyDeleteI think they call it Murphy's Law...
ReplyDeleteWow, lesson learned?
ReplyDeleteI can't drink at work either...happy hour and weekends are the way to go.
My coworkers (like most university personnel) are major drinkers, but don't even try to hide it. Last week the Dean was cruising through the department swigging on a bottle of Guinness at 2pm. That man is a fucking GOD.
ReplyDeleteI had an experience like this 4 years ago. Now I have work email on my phone, and my work phone reroutes to my cell. Just in case.
ReplyDeleteHope all went well! Drink one more, just in case...
I learned my lesson at a two hour "working" lunch. Awful! No drinking at least, but way too much sharing. I made sure to bring my lunches from then on so I never got sucked up in a "hey let's grab a bite" again!
ReplyDeleteHope the day got better... or was it a wash and you just had to start fresh the next day?
My boss always comes looking for me the days I'm running a little late or take a longer lunch. It never fails. It's actually the joke of my office, because usually I'm a very good worker. It's frustrating!! And I sort of wish I worked with people like you work with. Your lunch dates sound like fun to me! Well, if I didn't have to go back to work...
ReplyDeleteI dislike drinking work functions. They're like having silly hat day in prison. Yeah, it's different, but you're just not going to get maximum enjoyment out of it. Plus there's always the danger of work-me morphing into wildman-me.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't it be like Mad Men and everyone has a bar in the office? Drink, drank, drunk. Drag yourself out to the bar so you can bitch about what a bad day you had at work. I would also like the cards that say mind your own fucking business, but actually, my life is so boring that no one cares what I do.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie XOXO
You drink PBR they deserve they magic sundae of fuck. You however were an innocent bystander. Seriously do you work with fucking hipsters? If so, kill them.
ReplyDeleteOh no, I cringed through most of this. Hope you come through it unscathed.
ReplyDeleteIn case the job doesn't work out, you should start selling your own "none of your f*cking business" t-shirts. Instant best-seller, Gia.
ReplyDelete-Barb the French Bean
haha. oh goodness. as a proud worker of corporate america. I feel the burn of this. oh man.
ReplyDeleteDamn that Murphy and his stupid fuckin' law anyway! See, this is the kind of shit that happens to me. It's like I'm cursed!
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't even attempt to have a drink with lunch. It's already a struggle to stay awake after lunch.
ReplyDeleteI always get busted too when I'm doing something I shouldn't be. Even getting to work on time, I'll have enough messages and emails to make it seem like I was an hour late.
love the fucked up sundae.
ReplyDeleteOh man, I can completely relate to this. When things go bad for me, they all go bad at the same time. Shit hitting the fan style. ._.
ReplyDeleteHi.Lar.I.Ous. Particularly the business cards and the sundae. Updating the resume yet?
ReplyDeleteI didn't know what PBR was until the internet fairies helped me. Now I know it's that one thing all the boys that go home alone from the bar drink.
ReplyDeleteOh man...
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry the "You're Fucked Sundae" tasted so much like alcohol...Maybe you could tweet about the unfortunate effects of peer pressure?
Seriously though, I hope you are not too fucked.
Oof.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question: yes, you may add "ROH." I hope you ended up making it through that lunch without any major consequences.
I'd go in on an order of those cards with you. Let me know if you find a good price.
ReplyDeleteAt least there were four of you. . .safety in numbers? Instead of, say, you and Boyfriend just boozin' it up on your own. Funny post as usual!
ReplyDeleteOh dear. I totally get the no drinking during the workday thing. Of course, I was a hs teacher, and drinking in the teachers' cafeteria would have been a little more than weird. Not that people didn't do it - I'm sure they did. Just send CEO a copy of this post. haha.
ReplyDeleteHey, if you get those business cards printed, I'll go in on them with you. They're probably cheaper in bulk. Like PBR. Ellen
ReplyDeleteThat was definitely a doomed lunch! One of those things alone would have been bad enough!
ReplyDeleteoh god, I hate when you get in those situations - and you can't enjoy yourself anyways because of the pit in your stomach....
ReplyDeleteWhat a fantastically awkward situation. Sort of makes you long for a Mad Men type of existence.
ReplyDeleteOh yikes! What bad luck! Maybe you should buy a lottery ticket to see if the universe will balance itself out?
ReplyDelete:) this is why i don't socialize. ;)
ReplyDeleteSuch a funny story! My husband and I met at work, and I would have LOVED some of your business cards!
ReplyDeleteHopefully your day didn't leave you too effed. ;-)
That sounds like the worst work lunch ever. Glad to hear you survived.
ReplyDeleteIt sorta sounds like you have a pretty awesome workplace! Boyfriend, booze at lunch, are they hiring?
ReplyDeleteGirl, you make me want to go barhopping with you.
ReplyDeleteAnytime I EVER do something that I maybe am not supposed to do or bend the rules a little at all, I always end up getting caught. It's a curse. Then there's the jerks who do stuff like that all the time and never get caught.
ReplyDeleteNot fair. And good for you for not drinking PBR or succumbing to stupid office gossip.
And THAT is why I work from home, in my jammies, with three bottles of wine (one open), and an 18-pack of beer in the fridge (red wine is NOT in the fridge) and alllll the lunch snacks I want and nudity too if I want and even a nap here or there.
ReplyDeleteExcept none of that happens because I actually need to make MONEY while I work from home.
A girl can dream.
~the G is silent
Ah crap, that sucks! My boss is constantly on my ass, never lets me eat in peace, so never mind drinking... he's also 8 m/o so maybe not quite the same situation.
ReplyDeleteIs it bad that I now want a sundae?
Hope you CEO wasn't a total douchebag about the late return phone call...
I take extra long lunches all time and I don't even get to drink. That sucks.
ReplyDeleteBummer! Can't wiggle out of that one, can you! I'm so glad I work at home. (Albeit I'm broke most of the time, but I'm high on freedom! Freedom to wear my bathrobe all day... nah, that'd be tacky working at home in your chewed up, I mean gently used bathrobe. Still, I have the FREEDOM to do it!)
ReplyDeleteWhile I work from home I usually limit my drinking on the job until after dinner.
ReplyDeleteI would love to share that delicious sundae with you! If I drank during work hours I would be fired and lose my license. Boo. Hope there was no real backlash--it's not like you guys went on a bender or dropped acid before going back to work (I'm guessing of course :D )
ReplyDeleteHaha! Your office is like a sitcom. How long can you and boyfriend pretend you're not dating? These cartoons are so hilarious!
ReplyDeleteoh, boy. Corporate world is too complicated for me! Loved reading this. And loved your accompanying pix as well.
ReplyDeleteYummy and HILARIOUS as usual. When are you going to get your own column in the New Yorker or your own cartoon on TV or something?!
ReplyDeleteLove your drawings.
ReplyDeleteAh the office intrigue. So do your co-workers know about your blog? Or was that none of you effing business directed at the intrusive one? Funny, as always... addicting, really, like the alcohol we drink by day and night. Cheers, Gia!
ReplyDeleteLove your story. But who doesn't order food with drinks? I'm definitely a food + drinks kinda gal. And I'd rather go eating/drinking with my blog peeps than work peeps any day. Cheers!
ReplyDeleteoy. and for pbr? oy. sorry, dude.
ReplyDeleteI think I need a poster of the You're Fucked sundae. That's exactly what those days are like.
ReplyDeleteOh no! Love your always entertaining blog.
ReplyDelete