Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Futon of Death

Yesterday, I mentioned that I have a horribly uncomfortable futon. I bought it for $20 at a garage sale, so it'll do for now. But it is NOT fun and Boyfriend does NOT like it. How bad is it, you ask? Well, Popsicle and Allie are doing just fine on it:

Popsicle: Yeah yeah. Gia, when are you getting cable?
Me: Sigh, sore subject Popsicle. Not for awhile. How's the futon?
Popsicle: Good enough. But I'm a bear so....low standards.
Allie: HEY!
Popsicle: Not you, dear.
Allie: Okay.
Popsicle: Although....
Allie: HEY!!
Me: So it's not bad?
Popsicle: No...but I'd sleep on an iceberg. 

It is not quite up to Miss Priscilla's standards:

Miss Priscilla: You have to be kidding me with this shit.
Me: Wow.
Me: This ain't it?
Miss Priscilla: It's like sitting on a brick covered by a blanket. I wouldn't use this for a litter box!
Me: Please don't poo on my futon.
Miss Priscilla: Honestly, it'd probably be an improvement.


  1. The phrase "Please don't poo on my futon" took me back to college days.
    To be fair to futons, they're at least more comfortable than pull-out beds with the strategically placed bar that digs into your back.

  2. I have a futon as well. My sister gave it to me. In fact, I pretty much have gotten all my furniture as hand-me-downs from family and friends. I want grown-up furniture! Matching furniture. Cushy, plump furniture that sucks you in and never lets go.

    1. I'm right there with you. I dream of adult furniture.

  3. I hate futons with the white hot intensity of a thousand angry suns. I'm with Miss Priscilla.

  4. I have one too and although it serves it's purpose and it's cushiony I want real, adult furniture. Unfortunately, I don't think I can get a couch in my place because of the way the front door is placed. Btw, you know they sell futon mattresses with inner springs that are A LOT more comfy. They cost more obviously.

  5. Totally off topic - but have the animals ever interviewed Boyfriend? Might be fun ;-)

    Sorry about the nasty futon!

  6. Ug! I use a futon as an outdoor couch. The mattress is wretched. So now we use a series of cushions and pillows. I still refuse to sit on it.

  7. Yeah, my brother had one of those fabric covered bricks. I had to move back home for a short stint after college and had to sleep on it. Add to that the really super fun pole directly under my back all night, and it was exquisite. So glad I got my own place quickly. With a real bed and everything!

  8. I had a crap futon in my first apartment. It was so awful that if you sat on it for too long, the metal bars would actually bruise you.

  9. I bought the swanky $100 Target futon (when it was on sale for 40$, and only because I'm too afraid of other peoples skin-cell-dust living inside used furniture. It's pretty comfy. If by "comfy" you mean "involuntarily buttsexed by a 2x4".

  10. Oh, the futon days. I remember in my late 20s when I did away with the futon for the real life couch, and bed. It was a thing of glory.

  11. I actually participated in the burning of a futon after college. It was so awesome to see that thing that have given so many of us bad backs & sore bums go up in flames!

  12. I do not miss being in my twenties one little bit after reading this post. I may be forty-something, and have toddler puke flecks buried in the upholstery, but my sofa is comfy if you ignore the 10 years' of dirt buildup.

    Wait. I changed my mind. My clean, uncomfy futon was awesome.

  13. I have never had a futon. I guess I was never young.


  14. I'm always missing shit because I'm behind, but you left behind your pretty bed (at least it always looked very pretty in your 'toons) at your old place? D=

  15. There's something inherently sad about the futon. I bought one when I was holding a big party and I suspected (correctly) that several people might end up spending the night. I, however, did NOT intend that I would wind up sleeping on the futon while I gave up my queen size bed to a couple.
    Miss Priscilla is absolutely correct! (There's a phrase I never expected to utter) It's like a pile of bricks covered with a blanket. It makes for a terrible couch; there's always either a tipping point, where when you sit on the end it flips sideways on you, or a 2x4 which will ass-rape you in the middle, and often both. It's an even worse bed; thought that bar of the pull-out couch was terrible? Try a couple of 2x4s instead.

  16. Does this futon have a metal frame and wooden slats underneath? It looks like a futon the I had in college from IKEA that was almost impossible to sit on properly. Good luck with that...

  17. Miss Priscilla is SO high maintenance!

  18. I felt I had finally joined the world of actual grown-ups when I got rid of my university futon and bought a real couch. And a matching chair!
    now that my kids have spilt everything imaginable onto my lovely big person couch (hazmat suit required for sitting), I kinda wish I had the old futon back. At least I could wash the cover.

  19. I feel terrible for you. What makes it worse is that I sleep on a waterbed so I should probably stop talking now. :P

  20. I have never had one myself, but after sitting on my cousin's futon several years ago, I realized that I would never try to get one.

  21. I've never owned one, but date a man who had not one but two. Both not very comfortable.